1311 MY MIND HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN

I wrote a post
A long post
Not as long as some but
Longer than expected because
Insight-driven thoughts, tunneling from
Deep within kept surfacing into my conscious mind, and
Like cars, coupling into one-continuous-train-of-thought
That string of insights served to transport my mind straight through
A clouded state of confusion until I saw the light at the tunnel's end
And as I traveled from darkness to light, my state of denial was
Illuminated, freeing a closed mindset to open and expand
A narrow view of myself, which had been less than positive ...

When that eye-opening, insight driven
Continuous-train-of-thought pulled into
Yesterday's rest station
I chose not to publish it for this reason:
I feel an intuitive need for this particular train-of-thought to
Belong 'soul-ly' to me until I feel free to share it with you ...
And though I know not why that's true, I can reveal at least
One reason why my need for privacy feels necessary, at least for now:
Generally, mind expansion lifts my spirit ... however
Presently, that's not the case ... And—Oh my gosh!
Suddenly, intuitive thought, flashing through my mind, has
Named the insight, which had escaped detection, yesterday, when
In the absence of clarity, I'd had no clue as to what had forbidden me from
Exposing the unpublished post to you—however, with this insight in mind
I feel no resistance concerning sharing this thought, which intuition has
Just whispered into my ear, so here it comes:
My need for privacy was based in the fact that
Yesterday's conscious train of thought had toted
Baggage so painful as to have remained stuffed as deeply within
My subconscious as was humanly possible, and any thought that
Felt remotely related to the depth of that pain (associated with
Childhood memories too fearsome to consciously recall)
Weighed so heavy on my spirit as to have compelled
My think tank to pull down the curtain on
An emotional reaction, which had colored my self esteem so
Darkly with shame as to have refused my adult mind clearance to
Publish a post that had revealed a string of insights, which
Has refused to

Filter from 'safe-keeping' within a deep pocket of
My subconscious into my conscious awareness until
The complex adult, whom I've grown to be, has had time to
Garner the courage to fully face and absorb this fact:
Before my memory feels free to expose a train of thought that
Has surfaced, insight by insight, I'll need time to muster
The courage to shed yet another thickened layer of denial before
Shining a spotlight toward the reveal of a deeper truth—to myself—
About yet another shameful sense of undeserved guilt, which is
Still empowered to weigh heavy on my spirit whenever
Anything relating to that secreted experience knocks on the door of
My conscious awareness in hopes of expanding
My sense of clarity, concerning yesteryear's reality, more so than
Had ever been possible, until now ... and not until
My rebalanced sense of self esteem feels wholly innocent of
Wrong doing (when, as an obedient child
I'd followed the lead of an adult) will my newly awakened
Sense of wholeness feel empowered to free my whole mind to
Send that soulful train of thought into cyberspace, where
Public consumption awaits to consume the intimate nature of
This secreted memory, which has recently colored
My conscious mind with the dark stain of shame inherent in
Undeserved guilt, which my defense system had repressed behind
Layers of denial, over most of my life, and if today's post makes you ask:
Annie, when will your conscious mind stop fearing
Your intuitive need to release all subconscious sense of
Undeserved shame, which burns with resentment born of
Repressed rage, thus freeing your stolen sense of wholesome
Innocence to re-awaken and relax, once and for all?
I'd reply:  As each next intuitive train of thought, fueled by
Strings of insight that brighten my conscious awareness to
Deeper truths (which had proven far too complex for the mind of
A child to fathom), emerges, my readiness to absorb
Insights—riding out of my depths as though on
A freedom train chugging forward from one station to the next—will
Continue to develop a greater sense of inner strength, thus empowering
My adult mind with the capability to unload additional layers of
Baggage by way of blogging my way toward clarity, day after day
And I believe that by gathering the patience necessary to allow
This well practiced pattern to move forward at its own pace
My adult mind will continue to heal from childhood terrors, step
By step until we reach the end of the line, where, ultimately
Readiness for my adult inner strengths to unite will unload and examine
The most frightening piece of baggage, thus exposing
The dreaded details of a memory so dark that my sense of clarity will
Liberate my conscious mind from experiencing any future episodes of
PTSD—AT LAST!

Ha!  Silly me ...
My defense system had thought to stop me from blogging in order to
Deny (sidestep) the emergence of dark demons that haunt my spirit to
This very day—thank goodness, my well practiced sense of
Intuitive thought caught tuned me into my defense system's most
Recent attempt to re-construct that wall of denial by declaring:  No way, Jose!
Here's my take on intuitive thought working to foil my defense system's
Ploy to sidetrack my growing sense of clarity from digging toward
Deeper truths, which remain in their buried state:
My defense system had 'thought' to lighten the contents of my posts by
Penning stories of raising my sons as I'd wished to have been raised myself ...
And though my over-all plan to reveal those stories continues to
Hold true, suggesting that you can expect to read success stories, concerning
Birth order and minimizing sibling rivalry ... I hope you've not missed
The fact that intuitive thought felt need to give my conscious awareness
A good shaking in order to awaken my intelligence to my need to
Stop the defensive portion of my thought processor from 'thinking' to
Undermine the progress I've worked so diligently to achieve by attempting to
Bury repressed fury and pain every bit as deeply as had been true before
Sessions of EMDR had begun to coax layers of unresolved anger to
Filter through my wall of denial into my conscious mind
And hopefully, by now, you can see why working to maintain
My self-empowered strengths by openly confronting repressed pain in
Post after post, day after day, proves so far from easy that
My NEVER GIVE UP attitude must be recharged, repeatedly, until
The day dawns when readiness to crack through that final barrier of
Denial offers me a brand new sense of insight-driven independence from
The darkest ('forgotten') memories of my past—AT LAST

And so
Of course
I do not feel free to
Reveal yesterday's post to you until
Intuition, working to clarify today's stream of insight for
Myself, is clearly mine, and thus can we see why I'd instinctively felt
Need to respect my sense of privacy as I would honor yours ...
And as insight concerning my sense of confusion has cleared from
My mind, I can see our next rest station awaiting our arrival, directly ahead
Right after I reveal how I know that to be true:
Today's string of insights has enlightened my mind to understand why
My spirit felt dark when I'd felt intuitively compelled to
Set Toni Morrison's novel, GOD HELP THE CHILD, aside in favor of
Writing this post—and if you wonder whether my unpublished post will
Show up on your screen, tomorrow, well—time will tell whether or not
I'll feel ready to expose my misperceived, self-inflicted sense of shame to
You after my processor has had time to percolate more deeply over
Today's insight while the rest of me sleeps soundly, tonight ...

Geez!
I didn't expect to pen any of this, today,  suggesting, once again, that
My first thought, concerning pulling the curtain down on my blog, for
An undetermined length of time, was not my best thought—
At least, not right now, and in light of today's insights, I can say:
It's a good thing that my mind has a mind of its own!

PS
About an hour ago, Ellie (my housekeeper, friend and
Right-hand woman for these past 34 years)
Walked into my bedroom, where my mind-of-its-own and
My iPad were in bed, partnering up while penning this post, when
My dear friend smiled and asked,  How are you?
Upon looking up from my work
My heart offered Ellie a half smile while my mind responded:
I'm feeling kind of confounded ...
At this, Ellie shook her head and laughed
There you are, Annie!  Working to figure everything out, again, right?
Now, it was my turn to laugh before replying:
Thank you, for saying:
 There you are, Annie!  Figuring everything out—instead of saying:
There you are, Annie, driving yourself crazy, again!
After sharing in another laugh, my friend offered my spirit another lift:
Crazy?  You?  No way!  You make better use of your brain to
Solve problems than anyone I've ever met!
Then, Ellie continued with:
Once in a while I can figure out the deeper reason why
I feel what I feel, but most of the time, while trying to
Analyze myself like you do, I end up feeling so frustrated that
I throw my arms up in the air and say:
Oh for God sake—I give up!

As Ellie has admitted that same perception to me more than once
Our spirits enjoyed an even heartier laugh, and seeing mine perk up
Ellie went about her business of straightening the house while
My mind—with a mind of its own—resumed blogging in hopes of
Straightening out my conscious perception of myself before
I close for today, and though I may not be facing a five star day
All of this laughing and smiling and feeling 'known'
Has added at least one additional star to a day that had felt
Upon awakening, too dark for even one star to twinkle from
Within the depths of my mind's eye—symbolizing the fact that
Subconscious memories (combining with my recent sense of
Heartfelt loss) are still empowered to cast dark shadows of
Self disparagement on my spirit's sense of freedom to
Soar with joy unless—the phone happens to ring, and upon hearing
Steven's voice, my think tank lifts with hopeful thoughts of
A play date with Ravi, whose precious presence fills my heart with
Unadulterated bliss, and so, my friends, I wonder if you can answer
What a cup-half-full person must be lacking when a mind awakens with
Feelings of darkness, weighing as heavy on the spirit, as proved true of
Mine, today?
Is it lack of balance?
Is it lack of clarity?
Is it lack of insight, concerning understanding my deeply complex inner self?
Or is the correct answer:
All of the above?

Can you see why strings of insight—serving to release deeply buried, repressed feelings of unjust, yet unrelenting, guilt—must brighten my sense of clarity before my cup-half-full sense of balance regains sight of my agile mind's ability to relax once my current train of thought pulls into each next station, which awaits at the completion of each post I feel compelled to pen?

Whew!  Imagine my mind releasing a sigh of relief, suggesting my dark awakening, this morning, was necessary, so that I'd pen a post empowered to transform a two star day into three, perhaps, even four, not just today, but in the future, as well!

And to think that I'd thought to stop blogging for a while—
Guess my first thought wasn't my best thought, at least not yet ...
Thank goodness, the habit I've developed, over time, served to
Open my mind to seriously consider that which my house guest
Felt need to say, suggesting why my original plan to
Close one door in favor of opening another has clearly
Changed for the better ...
As to whether I'll feel like posting or not, tomorrow—
At this point in time, your guess is as good as mine ...

1310 A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES ...

2015
As expected, recuperation after cataract surgery
Proved smooth and swift ...
The surgeon prescribed three kinds of eyes drops, each
To be administered several times a day for three weeks
And though I've chosen to follow
Every one of the doctor's instructions
The best medicine lay cradled, sweetly, in my arms ...
In fact, you might say that the healing nature of
Ravi's sweetness was a heartwarming sight for sore eyes :)

1309 WILL SHE—OR WON'T SHE?

2015
Simply put:
Before our house guests arrived, I'd decided to
Place my blog aside for an undefined length of time.
That decision had been based in these factors:
I've not felt like story-telling for quite a while
Recent streams of thought have felt more repetitive, less insight-driven
And perhaps that's why
Readership has not increased in months
I'd begun to wonder whether I've been
Denying the possibility of having tired of
Conducting one way conversations, daily, and
Since, for the most part, the comment box goes unfed
Perhaps my enthusiastic approach to
Penning insights that inspire positive changes in my life are
Less meaningful to others than I'd like to believe ...
Then, while that line of thinking cycled through my mind
Our house guests arrived—and one went on and on about how often my
Trains of thought inspire her own to dive ever more deeply into
Her family history, and when I revealed my thoughts, concerning
Pulling down the curtain for an undetermined length of time
My guest voiced her hope that I'd reconsider my position—though
She'd agreed that the decision-making process was mine, and
Upon listening to her unsolicited belief that she feels inspired to
'Know' and expose more of herself, day by day
I found myself reconsidering my original decision—and
Now that our guests have flown home

My attention turns to cataract surgery, which

Having been scheduled for tomorrow, offers my mental processor time to
Coast with contemplation while healing takes place, over these next several days ...

And as it's time to put drops in my right eye, which will be
The first to receive a new multi-focal lens ...
I'll leave you with a few more 'horoscoptic' thoughts to consider for yourselves:

You have mixed feelings about the gifts you've been given, because these gifts come with responsibility, and it's up to you to make the most of each opportunity that arises ...

The cosmic gift coming your way was always meant to be yours ...

When you feel at ease, everyone around you feels more at ease.  People want to know where you come from, so whichever parts of your life that you choose to share will be appreciated.

Playfulness is a forte of yours; however, today, it's important to highlight your serious side.  You have the potential to make a remarkable difference with the decisions you make.

Your ability to focus intently for hours at a time is the reason that each of your endeavors meets with success, over the long run.

As the human spirit thrives amongst life's beauties, this year, you'll do what it takes to bring gorgeous additions into your world, and as your efforts will be embraced, you'll feel compensated, accordingly ...

1308 WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES ...

2015
You don't have to believe in magic to experience something that can't be explained to others.  Give your wishes a break and allow yourself to be swept up by a breath-taking surprise, which depends upon taking a huge leap of faith ... your heart is elastic ... the more people you include, the bigger it becomes ...  Many short journeys, this year, will keep you excited, motivated and in love ... with what?  As always, that's 'soully' up to you ...

Each time an unexpected experience gives me sound reason to reconsider my position with a mind open to listening to the deeply considered opinion of another, my decision-making process proves to be less black or white than my original mindset had surmised.  As a result of consciously choosing to embrace gradient shades of grey once my narrow mindset has been reconsidered, insight emerges, which lightens my perspective concerning an inner conflict, which had need to resolve.  Then, resultant of resolving this conflict or that, my grey matter, feeling expansively elastic, appreciates a sense of peaceful repose until ... fate tosses another hurtle in my path and...ready or not ... I find myself in need of mustering the courage to take another leap of faith into the great unknown ... And like it or not ... guess what, my friends?  I can say without a shred of doubt ... That's life!

1307 WHEN TWO HEADS PROVE BETTER THAN ONE

2015
So here's an interesting development that occurred, overnight:
A discussion, at breakfast this morning, gave me reason to
Reconsider a decision I'd made, yesterday, concerning my blog
Though my original position had been based in an insight, which
I'd thought had offered me clarity about making a change
The viewpoint of another suggested that, upon engaging in
An open-minded discussion,  which makes sense
A narrow frame of mind can expand as easily as a rubber band ...
And since my participation in this mind-expanding discussion
Took place at breakfast, this morning
The decision I'd thought to have made, yesterday, which
Has not yet been written, is, once again, open for discussion amongst
Me, Myself and I ...
Just goes to prove ... We have no clue what may influence
A mindset to change for the betterment of all, once
A personal point of view has been reconsidered with
A greater sense of thoroughness than before  ... :)

Details describing this changing state of mind, which
Once again, is rolling back and forth inside my head, when
Time to write frees up ...

1306 HOROSCOPTIC MUSINGS :)

2015
People around you will struggle to do a job.  Knowing when to help and when to let them learn on their own will be tricky, but if you're mindful of your P's and Q's, you'll nail it ...

Remember when that person you admire saw something special in you?  It was a sign that you, too, are meant for the great things that you've come to appreciate in that person's process.  Act to realize the potential of the moment at hand ...

Though ideal and real situations rarely match up, this year brings many exceptions as you feel empowered to create what's in your mind's eye in a well-grounded manner.  Your creative mind has grown to need more stimulation than yesterday's environment could provide.

Though you're a well-mannered and self disciplined person, this is the time to express your free spirit

As for me, I gave birth, last night.
I gave birth to insight, spotlighting that unidentified change with which I'd felt
Subconsciously impregnated until clarity labored to the forefront of my mind

So, now I know why, over these past few days
My stomach has felt upset, and it makes sense that
Yesterday, I had a headache that just wouldn't quit

If you ask what my brain and body have been struggling to convey to
My conscious mind, I'd say: a subconscious mindset, based in fear of possible loss
Has emerged after tunnelling it's way through layers of denial

And having grown fully aware of this subconscious fear
I can understand the changing state of mind that
My think tank has been working to process over several months ..

As to naming this change, please have patience with receiving my response
For this reason:  We're enjoying house guests, so I don't have time to describe
A change that riddled my mind with inner conflict until insight was mine

On the other hand, I can clarify this:  Once insight into naming this fear was mine
The intuitive train of thought, running through yesterday's post, made perfect sense
And as soon as the mysterious nature of this insight emerged, my headache relaxed ...

1305 INTUITIVE THOUGHT CHALLENGES MY DECISION-MAKING PROCESS TO THINKDEEP

Sorry ...
Still not feeling like storytelling ...
Perhaps that fact spotlights this possibility:
This mind of mine, which focuses my attention on proactive change
May be heading toward unexplored territory, yet again ...
If that's true, it makes sense to look forward rather than back
And since my chosen path has never taken me or a loved one
To a destination where thriving and inner peace remain at odds, overlong
My renewed sense of adventure has reason to peak, each time
An intuitive, though unidentified, change, calls my name

At times, when insight, sparkling with clarity, feels stymied
My think tank may feel need to brainstorm with others
Then there are times when my train of thought seems to be
The best possible choice, based in whatever is happening at
That particular moment in time, however, with the passage of time
I may find that my previous thought proved not to be
My best thought for all time, and when that's the case, and
Inner conflict resumes, I rely on intuition to call my name in order to
Point my decision-making process toward a new direction where
Brainstorming with calmness of mind proves to be
The best course of action, yet again—with this caveat:
Once anxiety, born of emotional combustion, has calmed down
My thought processor feels free to chase every voice except
My own out of my head, and then, upon feeling
Clear headed, the only group with whom I choose to brainstorm is
Limited to Me, Myself and I ...
Gosh ... Something tells me that today's stream of intuitive thought is
Is a message from me to myself, highlighting
A change in direction that escapes my understanding, except for this:
I've lived through times when a change in
My decision-making process was based in
The uniqueness of an unexpected experience that caused
Inner conflict to erupt and disrupt my sense of peace until such time as
My conscious mind felt need to brainstorm with my subconscious until
Intuitive thought gave rise to an insightful plan that
Offered my comfort zone the freedom to expand at least enough to
Satisfy a highly personal need, which just wouldn't quit whispering
'Know thyself' into my ear until my 'smarts' listened to my heart with
A greater sense of depth than ever before ...
As you can see, working to expand a mind set, which had felt
Written in stone, is not for sissies—and thus do I write of
Need to muster courage and humility, repeatedly ...
And perhaps I felt need to write that and read it for myself, because
Intuitive thought has been working to spotlight the probability that
My mind has been feeling mysteriously impregnated with
Unidentified change for a while ... And here is the main clue that
Makes me cognoscente of suggesting that
Today's train of thought is on the right track to figuring out
What the heck is changing inside my mind ...
I've been experiencing physical distress this week ...

If a picture is worth a thousand words

Here's how agitated our brains feel when

Identifying unmet needs proves necessary :)

BTW if you ask why videos get silent and distorted when

Inserted into my blog, I'd reply:  I have no clue)

The powers inherent in intuitive thought suggest that we 'know' more about

Subconscious needs, hiding behind walls of emotional denial, than

We can consciously understand unless we choose to work to
Expand the narrowed confines of a comfort zone that inhibits our ability to
Develop the insight that proves necessary to
Blow smokescreens of confusion (concerning needs, which have been repressed)
Out of our minds, once and for all—Whew!

Once clarity, concerning our natural instinct to combine emotion with logic
Creates a mindful sense of balance-in-all-things, that's when
Workable plans, which had once escaped conscious awareness
Begin to emerge from our think tanks, so naturally as to cause us to
Wonder why we'd struggled with inner conflict for us long
Then, in the aftermath of a job (concerning personal growth) well done

We sleep as peacefully as a well nourished baby, wrapped warmly in
A shawl, created lovingly by—

Yours truly :)

And that's a wrap for today :)

1304 APRIL CRIED AND STEPPED ASIDE ... AND ALONG CAME PRETTY LITTLE MAY

2015
Whether we're discussing treasured relationships or creative ideas
You must know the reverence I feel each time
The concept of rebirth comes to mind
Though Spring proves to be my favorite season of the year ...
My cup runneth over when reflecting over every season of my life ...
And here's why that's true:
When discussing the concept of friendships that continue to thrive—
Those that bloom the brightest in my garden of love prove to be perennials:
And if you ask why that's true, I'd reply:
Perennials offer the resilience to bloom in the aftermath of a winter of discontent
And now, having bared the inner workings of my heart, I wonder if
Yours has reason to wonder about
Which mindsets may be in need of weeding within your own? :)

How does my garden grow?

See what I mean about reaping rewards while cultivating a garden of love?

1303 FLY FREE OF INNER CONFLICT BY HOLDING FORTH THE OLIVE BRANCH TO THYSELF

2015
The last three posts had need of cutting, pasting and tidying up
So, upon awakening this morning, that's what I did ...
As to my young friend (who lives not far from Barry, on the coast)
She called, feeling as happy and free spirited as a lark
Why?
Though conscious of a heavy weight tugging her spirit down, she'd had little clue as to how many coils of tension, winding ever more tightly around her mind, had spiralled throughout every muscle of her body, over these past two years.  After she'd labored, subconsciously, to give birth to inner conflict, which her conscious mind had denied, those layers of tightly coiled tension released so powerfully, unexpectedly and spontaneously as to momentarily knock her off her feet, suggestive of the fact that if you ever fear that life experiences are knocking you off your rocker, it's important to know who to call.  As my young friend, mother of two terrific boys, aged nine and thirteen, has found safe haven under my wing since she was fifteen, she chose to call DENIAL BUSTERS before her wrestling match with inner tension rendered her utterly senseless (been there, done that—it takes one to know one).  Presently, she and I have placed a date on the calendar when, flying free of familial responsibility for a short span of time, we can bask in the glow of a job well done, both at her end of the line and mine, and as proves true, whenever opportunity brings us together, we'll cherish each other's presence more than words can describe.

As to Dino's twins ... time will tell when my sense of readiness to give birth to the next chapter of that true tale, will ripen, as well  ... :)

PS. It's important to note that permission to post their stories (sans details) was requested for this reason:  As open as my writing tends to be about my life,  I set a high value on respecting the privacy of others.

1302 BRAINSTORMING WITH DINO AND THE TWINS OR ...

2015
Want to see a photo that inspires smiles, all around?
Let's take a moment to check out post 1300, published Saturday :)
Then, having viewed the heart-melting photo added in the aftermath of
Publishing that post, we'll take another moment to consider this fact of life:
Though it seems that the concept of meeting personal needs opposes
The concept of all for one and one for all, insight into the brain's ability to
Make good use of discretion shows us that once self control is stabilized
Balance in all things highlights this deeper truth:
The concept of meeting personal needs must develop the insight
To live peacefully, side by side, with
The concept of all for one and one for all before
Inner conflict relents and change for the better begins in earnest, at last

As to brainstorming with Dino and the twins ...
Every night I fall asleep thinking
To pen that post upon awakening
Then, upon arising to a brand new day
My mind gives birth to strings of insights, which
For reasons unknown, come to fruition, as though
All on their own...
And as I'm often surprised by
Whatever my mind decides to write
That's what fascinates me most about
Penning a blog, post by post, day after day
And since that's all I feel like saying, today
I'll close by wishing you and yours a five star day :)

1301 LITTLE MONKEY FACE SAY: ME TOO! :)

2015
Will's at the baseball game with some of his buds
That frees my whole day to write
On the other hand, while enjoying Ravi's presence, yesterday
I'd exchanged calls and lengthy texts with a courageous young woman, who
Was truly at the end of her rope with love gone wrong, and
As this young woman has nestled in my heart as close as would
A daughter ever since her fifteenth year, my energy source feels as
Spent, today, as the rest of me feels relieved when considering
Every hurtle that my 'daughter', by mutual consent, overcame by
Making sound use of her decision-making process, repeatedly
In fact, each time she chose to call or text while brainstorming with
An experienced coach, who calmly and patiently coaxed her to
Give birth to her own subconscious sense of inner conflict, she
Bore the pain necessary to tunnel through
Her many layered wall of denial, and
As I coached while she labored, painfully, to blow
Old mind sets, creating smoke screens of confusion, out of clarity's way
We both played witness to her courageous
Sense of humility rising to meet each next challenge, resultant in
Expanding the narrowness of an old comfort zone, which
Had blinded her from identifying one particular mindset that
Had felt written in stone, and each time she consciously felt ready to
Push through another layer of denial, guess what appeared in
Her mind's eye, clear as daylight?
The open door to readiness appeared within her sight as
Magically (naturally, intuitively) as if
Opportunity, was beckoning her bright mind to walk
Freely over the threshold into the realm of existential freedom, where
Change for the better waited to
Welcome this young woman, daughter of my heart, home
And thus, as she and I conversed throughout the day
We both grew ever more aware of this fact:
Little by little, the young woman's sense of readiness to
Give birth to her own deeper truth pushed
Emotional combustion to blend the best of the old with
The best of the new until a brand new sense of
Conscious awareness of change for the better seemed to
Develop all on its own ... at last!  And if you wonder why
I mentioned patience on the part of her coach ... Well ...
It's important to remember that I place a high value on
Respecting each person's ability to develop the
Readiness to soften stubbornness before it's possible to
Confront deeper truth, hidden behind layers of denial
(Been there, done that painful birthing process, last year, myself)
At some point down the road, you shall meet
This young woman, whose subconscious, teaming with
Emotional combustion, had impregnated her
Conscious mind with denial of personal needs, which
Went unmet for nearly two years ... And throughout that
Extensive length of time when denial had
Divided her mind into two separate parts, her spirit
Couldn't help but carry the weight of
This elephant inside her mind, and
Having clarified the fact that at sometime in every life
We all have need to give birth to an elephant, for
This reason or that, you can see why she and I have
Sound reason to feel mentally spent, today ... on the other hand
The fact that I, like the young woman, had labored to
Cleanse my mind of undeserved guilt, last year, offers my spirit
A deeply gratified sense of personal satisfaction, concerning
A job well done, for this reason: Just as I'd labored until
My inner life and outer life matched, I recognized her need to do the same!
Wait!  Did you hear that flutter of wings?
Quick!  Look up to see Socrates, throwing us his eye-twinkling wink!
Hey ... Guess what just happened, naturally?
Yours truly gave birth to a post, today, after all! :)
And now, right before the weary mind of this brainstorming coach
Readies itself to sign off for today with no plan other than to
Accept opportunity's invitation to rest my whole self while
Swaying gently, back and forth, on my patio swing ...
I'll relax this beautiful day away right after ...
Offering up a pair of pictures that's sure to bring forth laughter—
(The first of which was taken in Napa :)

When Little Monkey See What Big Monkey Do ...

Little Monkey Face do it, too :)

That's all folks! :)

1300 SHEER PLEASURE!

2015
Impossible to write anything of a serious nature, today
At 9:30AM, Ravi came over to play
Now it's 5:00, and our playtime is still going strong
Unbelievable how I can't be near this child without
Kissing her cheeks, nose, fingers and toes, again and again!
How can it be that four short month ago
She'd been a figment of my imagination?
The purity of Ravi's responsive smiles are so sweet that
If you asked what has changed since her spirit began to dance with mine
I'd reply:  While in Ravi's presence, my sense of pleasure feels complete ...
I guess you could say to know her is to love her, through and through ...
And, clearly, I do

The depth of my love makes my decision-making process as simple as this:
To deprive myself the pleasure of her company makes no sense—so I don't :)

1299 SETTING THE SCENE TO ENJOY WHATEVER MY PRESENT STATE OF MIND CHOOSES TO POST NEXT

Please read each of these next paragraphs with a grain of salt, for this reason:
The contents of today's post was written but not published, months ago.
As to why I've chosen to publish it, today?
Well, read on and that question will answer itself.
And having said that, here we go ...

Common sense suggests the need to recognize those times when an intuitive train of the thought is directing our think tanks to include the necessity of heartfelt spontaneity for this reason:  Achieving success, where others have failed, can depend upon garnering the wisdom to take 'calculated' risks, based in self confident leaps of faith, when mapping out the course of our future.  If, upon reflection, you suggest that careful planning and spontaneity are opposites, I'd agree while inviting you to consider an insight that may enrich our discussion: Thoroughness of thought remains incomplete when the element of open minded spontaneity goes missing.  And likewise, courage and creativity go missing when denial of fear causes all likelihood of risk to be eliminated when a workable plan is attempting to formulate within the creative portion of our minds.

In the absence of spontaneity, creativity and courage—concerning our need to free our spirits to take intuitive leaps of faith—the mind's sense of balance may be thrown off center, and once a well-balanced sense of thought has been compromised, we lose sight of opportunity, beckoning us to combine logic with emotion in hopes of resolving conflict with a heartfelt sense of personal fulfillment, so that, down the road, time spent in reflection will not weigh heavy with regret, concerning those times when a fearful mind set refused us access to venture forth upon the road less taken in such a mindful manner as to keep the elements of emotional balance and logic-based clarity, concerning everyone's safety and welfare in plain sight.

As you come to know me from the inside out, you'll understand why spontaneity takes me by one hand while I hold the line of control firmly in the other.  (Balance in all things.)  In fact, once the scene has been set for act three of The Heaven Sent Toy Catalogue Plan, I'll show you a prime example of that intuitive sense of balance, which fuels my think tank to blend creative ideas with logic at times when taking a leap of faith depends upon identifying a fear to which I've been blind.

Though it's true that there's important 'stuff' we forget just because
Our memory banks are stuffed with minutiae
That stuff is not to be mixed up with other stuff we fear so much as to
Stuff it in a place inside our brains that remains separated from our conscious minds

When a child's hold onto sanity depends upon a need to forget bad stuff that was very scary
That child's defense system is programmed to stuff super scary stuff behind one of
Denial's defensive walls where that stuff can't hurt us so deeply as to stop us from
Developing from one stage of life to the next with as much normalcy as possible, and
Thus are certain fears repressed, subconsciously, until such time as
A growing sense of emotional maturity readies us to muster the courage to
Recall the bad, super scary stuff in order that repressed fear or fury can no longer
Limit us from creating change for the better, especially in those aspects of life where
Denial has blinded us from seeing where stunted personal growth is in need of
Advancing toward each next step of emotional maturity, which repression has delayed.  Whew!
Had that train of thought been spoken aloud, it would have been quite a mouthful, indeed!

Throughout my years of coaching three active, young boys to
Develop and enjoy a wide variety of natural talents while
At the same time honoring the unique aspects of each one's individuality
I aspired to consciously role model the values that I'd hoped each would absorb
Values such as:  mutual respect, kindness, compassion
Positively focused attitudes bending toward good humor, and
Creative solution seeking techniques, most especially whenever
These two aspects of family life arose:

Each time discipline proved necessary in the aftermath of a problematic situation, I
Calmed my mind and chose my words with care in hopes of
Inspiring my sons to reconsider their choices without insulting their intelligence, and
In addition to that, I chose to discipline rowdy behaviors by employing
Logic-based consequences, leaning toward creativity and humor, rather than
Resorting, impatiently to meting out punishments that would have resulted in
Rebellious attitudes, which would have interfered with
The clear minded, straight forward path that encouraged
Three hungry young minds to follow the Pied Piper, whose state of mind
Remained focused upon developing positive attitudes that proved
Eager-to-learn, eager to strive, eager to succeed, eager to advance with
Resilience toward each next step when hurtles appeared in their paths, as well as
Eager to share the emotional wealth and financial gains that
Each has successfully accrued as many aspects of
Their adult individuality continue to mature
And thus, retrospectively, when all has been said and done ...
Three mousketeers grew into strong sensitive musketeers, who
All for one and one for all—reap the rewards of working as hard as they play ...

Ten pictures worth ten thousand words, over forty years :)

 Interestingly, today's post was originally written months ago, when my mind was engaged in writing about coaching three, hungry young minds to make mindful choices, thus considering needs, all around, while making good use of toy catalogues at holiday time.

For some reason, which momentarily slips my mind, that post remained in drafts until today.  And here is what I find so interesting about delaying its exposure to you until, now:  It's not as though this post was forgotten.  What has been forgotten is whatever caused my intuitive sense to decide not to publish this post until, upon awakening this morning, intuition compelled me to scroll back through posts left unpublished in drafts, and guess what occurred to me, insightfully, after reading this train of thought, written several months back?  At that early time in my children's development, good use had been made of the same plan, which had coached my sons to make mindful choices by considering everyone's needs at holiday time, as the plan with which I'd coached Dino's twins to consider their choices more mindfully than had been true before they'd found themselves thrashing about in a hot kettle of stew ...

And thus does today's post (penned months ago)
Bring me, face to face, with this choice of my own:
Which fork in the road shall I ask you to travel along side of me, next?
The road leading toward Part three of The Heaven Sent Toy Catalogue Plan
Or
The road leading toward the intuitive (spontaneously conceived) plan that
Propelled Dino and his sons to brainstorm with me until
A workable plan came together, which succeeded in bringing forth
Smiles, all around, once the needs of both father and sons felt heard, and
If you ask how this came to be in a matter of hours, I'd reply:
Mindsets are prone to expand when listening and speaking skills are
Compassionately employed by an experienced coach, whose belief in—

THE INTUITIVE SENSE OF MAGIC, INHERENT IN THE POSITIVELY FOCUSED MIND, IS FREELY ABSORBED BY THE 'TEAM' AS A WHOLE, AND THAT LEADS US BACK TO—
ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL :)

1298. HEARTFELT EXPERIENCES EXPAND OUR MINDSETS

2015
As babes in arms we emote naturally
As children, we're taught to stuff any emotion, deemed socially unacceptable
As adults, we may choose to adventure ever more deeply (or not) into
The realm of emotional maturity, where strings of insight
Create a balance between that which we feel free to emote publicly and
That which common sense suggests filtering from
Public view in keeping with the fact that it's natural for
Different viewpoints to develop, based in that which
Each of us has experienced, personally, over our lifetimes
In short, there are times when the wisest course of action
Calls less for openness, more for compassionate discretion, not to be
Confused with emotional repression of personal needs ...
And so it comes to pass that upon sharing
A heartfelt experience with another, a mind set
Absorbed during childhood, which had once
Felt written in stone, may be prone to expand and change, over time
And as seeing is believing, I sincerely hope that
When next we meet, my sense of readiness feels free to
Offer you the string of insights, based in personal experience, that floated, intuitively
From deep within my heart, out of my mouth, and into Dino's ear after
He and I listened to the twins emote sound reason for their despair ...

1297 INTUITION PROVES THAT MAGIC IS MORE THAN A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION OR MINE :)

2015
Upon awakening this morning, I'd thought that clarity of mind had readied my think tank to drive forth a synopsis of the solution-seeking discussion that bonded Dino's frame of mind with the twins and mine ... However, upon picking up my iPad, my mind, having a mind of its own, chose to write something quite different from that which I'd had in mind before my mind changed and insights, which I had no intention of writing, began to appear on my screen, one word at a time, as though magically writing themselves.  And if you'd like to experience the magic, performed by my well practiced sense of intuition, for yourself, please refer back to post 1296, because the initial insight offered up in yesterday's post (the insight that tends to show up, from time to time) gave birth to a host of others, all of which prove inter-related, over night :)

1296 WELCOMING MEXICO WHILE RELAXING

2015
Let's bid a warm welcome to our friends in Mexico ...
79 nations and counting :)

I'm still not in a writing mood, suggestive of the fact that
Aging is not for sissies, meaning my body is still achy, so
I've booked a massage, Followed by blood tests, ordered by
My opthomologist in readiness for cataract surgery, which is
Coming up in two weeks time, and after that appointment ... It's date night ...
And with my plate so full, that's all I'll say for today, except for
The addition of one specific insight, which, from time to time
Feels need to pop out of my mind and onto your screen and mine:

With hindsight, an expanded sense of objective reflection has been known to change my perspective of that which had once felt so wrong as to cause me to heap undeserved guilt upon my own head, and in keeping with 'my first thought's not always my best thought' (because, generally speaking, first thoughts are born of emotional reactions based in 'what will others think of my decision'), I've gained insight into the importance of re-evaluating mindsets absorbed early on, most especially mindsets, which blinded me to layers of guilt, which weighed so heavy on my head that I could not see how often I'd pressured myself to meet the needs of others to the exclusion of my own.  And not until a door (labeled Adventures in Self Discovery) opened inside my brain (where insight drew me to embark upon a never-ending quest for self awareness), did the mountain of self-imposed guilt, which I'd unknowingly shouldered since childhood, begin to lighten, little by little, over these past twenty years of my life.  And not until the extrovert, I knew myself to be, grew introspective did my inner life begin to match the attitude of sparkling, high spirited courage with which I'd faced the world, and as all of me works, presently, to reconsider beliefs that had undermined my sense of wholeness, I find my mind wholly embracing a peaceful sense of inner balance, whereby emotion and logic intermingle, coherently, so many layers deep within my mind as to have created a sense of inner calmness that cannot be unseated by external noise, and thus has my decision-making process gained the patient sense of self respect necessary to permeate my entire being within such a zen-like state that I am astounded at the degree to which my ability to coach others to embrace a positively focused, patient attitude, concerning change for the better, continues to strengthen.  And if you ask, how did that come to be?  I'd serenely reply:  Over these past twenty years, I've grown so full of knowing all aspects of myself that emotional chaos, swirling around me, can't permeate my personal space, where a balanced sense of the peaceful person I've consciously worked to become reigns supreme, not over the minds of others, but rather over all of the traits that make me uniquely ... Me.

As presently, I'm looking forward to relaxing while relieving 'achiness' that accompanies more birthdays than my youthful attitude and spirit can believe, your friend, Annie, is off to place herself in the experienced hands of a well-trained massage therapist, who is about to do for me that which I cannot do for myself ... And with a brief salute to division of labor, nuff said for today :)

1295 THE VERY YOUNG REVEAL EXACTLY WHAT THEY FEEL UNTIL WE TEACH THEM TO STUFF ... AND THUS DO WE BECOME ESTRANGED TO PARTS OF OURSELVES WHICH PROVE INTEGRAL TO WHOLENESS

2015
First of all ... to family and friends who
Hopped to the tune of The Easter Bunny, yesterday
Hopefully, your holiday colored your smile as delighted as
Ravi's, whose mommy and daddy have chosen to
Celebrate each other's traditions as joyfully as
Can be seen in yet another picture worth a thousand words
And here is why that's all I'll say about adults offering children
The best of two worlds, today:
I'm off to see a young friend, whom I've loved since
She sat next to me at the age of three whenever
It was my turn to drive carpool to preschool
And as the world stops turning for no one
My young friend, who embraced parenthood more than a decade ago
Has asked me for help while she leads her children through
A deeply troubling time—then, after this morning's plan takes place
I'll drive myself home to welcome a sweet, little bunny, who's
Coming to play with Gramma and Grampa, today
And thus do my plans for today exemplify the fact that as
Each of us participates in the cycle of life
We are all offered taste tests of that which
Had once been sweet but soured and thus
Proves in need of change as well as that which continues to taste
As sweet as a chocolate bunny and as nourishing as
The egg, nestling within its colorful shell ... And now ...
Can you guess what I've sandwiched between
Listening, compassionately, to my friend, this morning, and
Enjoying this afternoon's play date with Ravi?
I've sandwiched in time with my trainer in hopes of soothing my body, because
Just as I've learned to listen astutely while leading those in need of guidance
I've also learned, over my lifetime, when to follow the guidance of another, and
Though thoughts of holding our little snuggle bunny in my arms makes
My heart, mind and spirit soar, my body still feels so sore that
It makes sense to take proactive steps in hopes of creating
Change for the better by limbering up before
Ravi arrives, eager to play with Gramma, this afternoon!
And being that it's time to meet my friend, I'll end for today by
Wishing you such a remarkable, five star day that your smile, like
Ravi's and mine, can't help but beam sunshine, sparkling forth from
Deep within your soul—wherever you go—
:) Annie

No doubt about it—this 'grand-parenting thing' is everything it's cracked up to be—and more! :)

1294 TEN PICTURES WORTH TEN THOUSAND WORDS ...

2015
Awoke, today, spirit soaring
Brain still crawling after expending so much energy
During the week, preparing for our seder, which
In addition to being deeply meaningful, festive, and delicious
Proved joyous beyond description to every loved one gathered round our table

Having learned to attend to my body's need for rest, and
Knowing my brain to be a most important part of my body
Rather than writing, I'll offer you several pictures
Each worth a thousand words, symbolizing
A child's natural capacity for personal growth in four month's time:

Ravi at birth—adorable

At one month—sweeter than sugar

At two months—getting cheeky :)

At three months—alert and eager to engage!

At four months, happy hour—chillin' poolside

 Teething during the final four—Daddy's favorite dribbler :)

Feeling safe, happy and deeply loved in Daddy's arms :)

Musing on how amusing life with Mommy and Daddy proves to be :)

Tradition!  Awakening in Daddy's pram, which was tableside during our seder

If you can think of a word that proves more aptly descriptive than

Adoring or besotted to describe my spontaneous reaction of heart-sparkling joy

Whenever thoughts of Ravi come to mind ...

I wonder what that word might be? :)

1293 TIME FLIES

In a blink of an eye

Five decades fly by ...

If we zoom back to 1961 you'll see me feeling every bit as inexperienced as
Dino's twin sons, feel, right now
As to this photo, I'm the one smiling widely with
No conscious clue of denying a mega-sized problem lurking deep inside my mind...
And though it's true that my conscious mind denied the existence of this problem till
Recent years  ...
No young person in need of a guiding ear has ever gone unheard on my watch

Can you find me?

1292 PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF THIS OBSERVATION

2015
It's not as if Dino was listening to his sons emote the depth of their plight for the first time ...

I've taken note, during therapy sessions, that the urgency of my plight was heard by my partner with a greater sense of accuracy (less defensiveness) when the ear of a professional was listening, as well.

The simplicity of that insight into human nature points, again, to the fact that skillful listening is essential if brainstorming toward conflict resolution, one step at a time, is to prove successful and long-lasting—

This insight, concerning concentrating our focus on listening astutely to that which others feel the need to say, is so powerful that that's the only thought I'll offer up, today, in hopes that you'll be more attentive than ever as you go about your business of improving your relationships, most especially the relationship you have with yourself  ... by listening astutely when feelings are expressed freely, openly and most assuredly courageously ...

As for me, I have a sumptuous feast to prepare and a festive table to set so that upon opening my front door, tomorrow, to welcome in loved ones—who also feel eager to share our holiday, together—their hostess will feel every bit as relaxed and delighted as she plans to be prepared ...

Later in the day ... Savory aroma of brisket in the oven, wafting through the house

Wine soaked Charosets, hard boiled eggs and gefilte fish chilling in the fridge
Matzoh balls, floating in chicken soup, light as air

Table, appointed with crystal, my grandma's candles and orchids, set
Haggadahs, story rich in heritage, at every person's place
Holiday spirit lighting up my smile with every breath I take ...
Whichever holiday you call your own, feel me wishing you and yours a five star day :)

1291 DEFINING DENIAL AS A DELUSIONAL MINDSET AND BRAINSTORMING WITH THE TWINS

2015
In order to assure that brainstorming leads one and all toward clarity of personal conviction, it's wise to identify denial as being a delusional mindset in need of being addressed.

Urban Dictionary's definition of denial (psychological):
Denial consists of the conscious mind's refusal to accept a past or present reality.  Denial is most commonly employed to protect the host from identifying personal traits that create negative focus.  Denial also protects us from remembering memories of the negative actions of another or to avoid recognising our own guilt for past actions, thoughts or feelings.  (As you can see, denial is an exceptionally slippery little critter.)

Denial is a self defence mechanism employed by aspects of the subconscious mind in an attempt to protect the conscious mind's perception of emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Denial can be a scary and very sad thing to witness in someone, whom you love or care about deeply; it is generally very difficult to help someone (to muster the courage and humility necessary to) see the truth, and it can be quite difficult for a mind that needs to cling to denial to truly believe and accept a clear view of that portion of reality on a long term basis.

Though people deny responsibility, every day, for a number of reasons, denial goes far deeper into the psyche than that. While people in denial generally have the seed of truth buried within their subconscious, they generally cannot believe it is the truth even when confronted with proof.  This is due to the Brain's imaginative ability to rewrite or superimpose a more acceptable perception of reality over the original memory.

Even with abject proof of an event's occurrence, a person, clinging to denial as a matter of safety, is highly unlikely to fully accept the particular reality with which he or she cannot cope. These people are more likely in that instance to use projection or minimisation, or they will continue or revert back to being in full blown denial.

Dictionary Brittanica:
Delusion, in psychology, is a rigid system of beliefs with which a person is preoccupied and to which the person firmly holds, despite the logical absurdity of the beliefs when facing a lack of supporting evidence ... Delusions, which vary in intensity, extent, and coherence, may represent exaggeration of normal tendencies to rationalization, wishful thinking, and the like. Among the most common are delusions of persecution and grandeur; others include delusions of bodily functioning, illness, guilt, love, and control.

And with those definitions in mind, you can see what a slippery critter denial can be for one and all to detect when we need to delude ourselves about this or that.  And with this slice of knowledge defined, let's watch adult leadership guide a pair of dejected teen-aged brains to embrace a brainstorming frame of mind, which will lead us toward conflict resolution once mutual trust grows so strong as to inspire each person's narrowly focused mind set to open and expand at least enough to inject everyone's spirits with this hope:  as long as we hold firmly to each other's hands, we can each make astute use of our brains to create change for the better, all around, one baby step, at a time  ... On the other hand, if negatively focused judgements sour the solution-seeking nature of the discussion at hand, a sense of self protective divisiveness cracks the solidarity of emotional safety, and once divided, we fail each other and ourselves ...

After suggesting that their father return in one hour's time, I hug my friend on his way, close the front door, and turning to the twins, offer my troubled young friends a smile while signaling them to follow the pied piper past the whimsical art, adorning our spacious living room/dining room, and noting that the colorful nature of this eye-pleasing environment has been known to lift many a spirit (including mine) most especially during difficult times, we three make our way toward the round white sun kissed kitchen table, situated before a huge picture window that looks out at the serenity of the garden-like setting where songbirds alight upon my grapefruit tree while butterflies flit from flower to flower, and if your gaze floats up above the sapphire tiled hot tub, which is the central focus of our patio, you'll see my mountain, peaking high in the brilliant blue sky.  So, as we three sit down in the comfort of glossy white, rounded acrylic chairs, each of which has a bright red cushion that cradles our buns, the twins and I take turns talking and listening while our chairs, swiveling on chrome pedestals, allow for freedom of movement when loved ones gather to converse or break bread, and once lemonade had been poured, the serious nature of our round table discussion gets underway ...

To the twins relief, I do not lead with a barrage of questions that causes defensive tension to rise.  Instead, I get the ball rolling by fleshing in a couple of stories concerning my sons, which felt hair-raising to their father and me when teen-aged decisions made, long ago, landed one or another in a kettle of stew, which proved quite similar to the one that had boiled up around these two.  As time spent in reflection allows me to convey serious stories in a humorous vein, the twins' suits of defensive armor fall away as naturally as laughter bubbles forth, all around, and once we three are solidly on the same page, our first chapter of getting brainstorming underway feels as eagerly welcomed by the twins as a cool breeze offers relief from the heat on a hot summer's day.

The particulars of the youthful decisions that landed the twins in the soup will not appear in this post.  This post has been written to express the importance of establishing solid bonds of trust in order to disassemble the wall of defensiveness that dries up our ability to voice the depth of what we feel once lumps of tension tie our most intimate thoughts into tight little knots that get stuck in our throats, so that any word that manages to squeeze out of our mouths sounds more like emoting a croak than a heartfelt plea for understanding, guidance or help or all three, as this case proves to be.

Once the twins had listened to how I'd chosen to coach my sons with firmness and affection while cherishing the vulnerability of their inexperience, it was my turn to listen up as the detailed account of frustration—which had spurred them toward committing misdeeds that landed both in more of a stew than this pair of inexperienced fifteen year old minds could believe—poured, non stop out of their mouths.  And as each confessed, freely, to emotions that had led to their half-baked decision-making process, I watched two tight-lipped lads become as open as water spouts with no faucets to turn off the flow of fear of losing their minds if someone did not offer them hope for change for the better—soon—and as their words (and actions) proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that both were dangling at the ends of their ropes, hanging on to their last shreds of sanity by mere threads, there was no question that someone had to initiate a change, fast!  However, whatever that change would prove to be could not be decided by me.

At the hour's end, their father, who had just parked his car, curbside, right outside my front door, called, suggesting that he'd wait till we were through.  Upon suggesting that Dino hold on, I asked the boys if they felt ready to open the depths of their despair to their dad, and my sigh of relief coupled with theirs when two hopeful heads bobbed eagerly up and down ... and by the time Dino had advanced to my front door, his sons had transformed themselves into the welcome wagon, eager to invite this 'newcomer' to embrace our brainstorming technique as a newly adopted, solution-seeking tool of his own, and in that manner did three minds, working as one to solve the problem at hand, expand to four ... or so we'd hoped ...

Rather than traipsing my team back to the kitchen, I led father and sons toward the U-shaped, conversational setting, provided by our living room couch, which is flanked with a love seat on both sides.  Then, after suggesting the need to set one brainstorming rule in place, I asked Dino to follow my lead by listening (to whatever his sons felt ready to emote) with such an astute sense of thoroughness that no interrupting on the part of the voice of authority would take place until the twins had said their piece, and as Dino had placed his faith in my solution-seeking acuity many a time, the twins listened to their father's voice pass his baton of authority to me ... And here is why that change took place as smoothly as melted butter slips down our throats ... Once an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect has been firmly established, we four felt at ease placing every defensive 'weapon' in time out, readying all four brains to seek a solution, deemed workable to every age.  In short, brainstorming in an emotionally safe environment opens intuition to sensing when it's wisest to lead and when to pass the baton and follow in the successful foot steps of another, and as Dino and I had exchanged family stories for decades and as these boys had come to me for years, we each knew what each other was made up of deep inside ... And in addition to admiring character traits, all around ... I'd become experienced at ferreting out denial ... if not within myself at least within others while brainstorming toward clarity was taking place ...

And as today's train of thought seems like more than enough to chew on for now, its time for me to wish you a five star day as I toddle off and begin to prepare the mouthwatering feast that I intent to serve to an assortment of treasured loved ones, who span three generations, as the solemn and yet festive nature of this holiday weekend draws near :)