A
shift of great magnitude is taking place inside my brain
The magnitude of this shift will not allow my psyche
To
remain stuck against my will, ever again
The
magnitude of this shift feels too surreal
For
stories to flow out of my memory
And onto your screen as
of yet
Common
sense suggests that during an earthquake
It's
impossible for the storytelling side of anyone's brain
To
open and flow
While
white hot lava is in the process of
Bubbling
up, boiling over and pouring forth
Past
experience with earthquakes—
I
mean mental shifts—suggests
That
it's impossible to know
What
may open up and flow out of me
When
this breaking down of defensive layers
Has
had time to settle into a brand new place
Where
personal growth
Has room to rebuild and expand
On
the other hand
I
can tell you this—
Since
this is not the first mental earthquake
That
I've experienced
Fate
has offered me reason to
Absorb
mental shifts of this magnitude before
And
each time a shift of this magnitude settles
In
a new place where Annie has had need to grow
Insight
into half-baked strengths
Offers
her vulnerabilities
A
series of opportunities in which to shore up ...
Once
defensive layers peel away
And
raw vulnerability sees the light of day
Insight
will take this storyteller
To
a place in the past
Where
fear had forbidden Annie
From
understanding herself before
And
as each shift in terms of personal growth
Settles
in wherever it's meant to go
Experiences
that led me from who I once was
To
whomever I'm in the process of becoming, today
Will
flow out of my storyteller naturally and openly
For
this reason:
Knowing
that this not my first mental shift
My
self confidence feels fully intact
When
asking my friends to muster patience
While
believing that stories to come
Will
be worth your wait
In
fact instead of sitting around, waiting
Why
not stand up, rally round and
Acknowledge
the importance of shocking oneself
Into
welcoming mental shifts in general
Why
not stand up and cheer on a friend
Who's
in the midst of working through
A
mental shift, vital to the good health of
her
spirit—right now ...
Because
with or without your support
I
aim to plow through narrow thought patterns
In
hopes of expanding comfort zones
Which
have remained sadly limited
And
angrily stuck, over long
No
more narrow mind sets ...
Fearing
the resuscitation of yesterday's pain for me
No
more mental blocks, harboring skeletons
That
haunt my dreams
Keeping
the fertile fields of my mind fallow, in chains
Like
bolts of lightening from on high
Molten
anger, hot as lava
Creates
this flow of liquid lightening
That
strikes my heart—
Like
white hot fire, coursing through my veins
With
such vigorous energy
From
head to toe
That
I can't sit still
Not
for one second longer
And
so bolting out of my chair
Into
the parking lot
I
go
And
since it's as hot as blazes outside—
Though
not quite as hot as the white hot flame burning within—
Common
sense finds a shaded place
Where
back and forth I pace
One
step forward at a time
Creating
invisible figure eights
Symbolizing
the spirits of sages
Speaking
to successive generations
From
forever until infinity, repeatedly
In
hopes that instead of boiling, our processors
Will
cook up healthy plans of action
Once
the greater part of tightly coiled, molten anger
Has
been unleashed at least enough
For
stories, glowing with insight
To course through my blood stream
And flow out of mind and on to your screens
More
freely, visibly and on target than ever before
Today,
though still reeling and feeling surreal
I
see myself carving a new path
By
which cognitive trains of thought
Inspired
by insight, will chug through my mind
Until
true stories
Which
long to be told—
(No
wait ... not told
You
see, these stories, which are no one's but mine to tell—
Have
yearned to be heard—really heard
By
those who have no reason to say—
That
never happened, Annie,
Forget
it
Don't
worry—
Don't
worry about what?
About
not being true to myself?
Now stop it, Annie
Let's get back to
Forget
it
Don't
worry, be happy
Let
a smile be your umbrella
Dwell
here, in Denialand
Where
we lobotomize our brains
To
any pain too great to bear or bare
Look,
Annie, why can't you just shut up, already
If you can't feel happy
Just act as complacent
As the nice and sweet, good girl, loved by one and all
Okay?
And by the way
Please
stop scratching to get out of your skin
It's
unsightly, you know
God—is
it any wonder why
Anorexics can't eat?
Or the over weight stuff?
Or drinkers drink?
Or cutters cut?
All
they're trying to do is relieve pain
That
no one wants to believe runs that deep)
And
so ...
Today,
though still reeling and feeling surreal
I
see myself carving a new path
By
which cognitive trains of thought
Inspired
by insight, will chug through my mind
Until
true stories
Which
long to be told
Will
pull into stations where the baggage handler
Waits
to help me relieve myself of baggage simply
Because
his thought processor believes in me
And the more he believes in me
The more I believe in myself!
If no man is an island
Neither is a woman ...
That's why strong support systems
And strong mental health
Walk hand in hand
Whenever
facial expressions filled with innuendo
Try
to severe my connection
to common sense
Indicating
that I have
no clue of
What
proves to be MY TRUTH
Today
Here
is the trio of replies that
You
can be certain to hear me say
With
the utmost of clarity, today—
First
I'll say, NO WAY, JOSE!
If
not heard, I'll say, NEVERMORE!
And
finally, if the depth of my pain is unheeded, over long
Please
be prepared for this—
I
AM WOMAN—HEAR ME ROAR!
You tread your path
I prefer mine
I hope you have a nice day—elsewhere
Whew!
I must have needed that! Seriously!
Gaining
on it ...
Riddle:
Makes
me wonder if fury
Pressed
up against defensive walls
Must
be shocked into release before
Scary
secrets we keep from ourselves
May
be freely exposed at long last?
Answer
to riddle?
As
with everything ...
Patience, my friend, time will tell
As for now—that feels better!
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