219 A HEALTHY HOME IS A PLACE WHERE—

A healthy home is a place where
The true self is encouraged to bust loose of Denialand
A healthy home is a place where
Reflections of the truth—stop scaring you silly
A healthy home is a place where
Each learns to face the good, the bad, the ugly truth in our own mirrors
A healthy home is a place where
We may visit Denialand—but cannot dwell there, forever
A healthy home is a place where
Each is encouraged to learn why Denialand feels safe—for a while
A healthy home is a place where conflicts resolve peaceably because
Energy is expended upon positively focused, solution seeking techniques
A healthy home is a place where
Self control is practiced, so subtle put downs and insults do not slip out
A healthy home is a place where
Understanding, compassion and forgiveness are encouraged


If you wonder whether you've been living in Denialand
If you can't find your way out of a self defeating maze
If you want to face reality without fear ...


Seek out a healthy home
Where minds are open to learning
Where spirits are positively nurtured
Where bodies are well nourished
Where creativity is embraced
Where clean slates are plentiful
Where a rainbow of emotions exists


Seek out a healthy home
Where mistakes are seen as experiments
Where compassion soothes failure
Where discipline breeds understanding
Where understanding breeds compassion
Where compassion dissipate resentment
Where insecurity is healed
Where vulnerability is strengthened
Where accountability is rewarded with trust
Where egg shells are swept away and individuality thrives


Seek out a healthy home
Where each transforms vulnerabilities into pillars of strengths
Where each is encouraged to draw a map that differs from the rest
Where each map highlights every HEALTHY FAMILY VALUE listed above
Where each one's vulnerabilities feel free to ask honestly for help
Where each is so free to change that labels do not exist
Where each receives the gift of a clean slate at the start of every day
Where each feels free to carve out new paths, again and again


Seek out a healthy home
Where loving, courageous, highly diverse people dwell in harmony
Where individuation within the community holds hands with peace of mind
Where leaders demonstrate the humility to ask for help
Where Denialand proves to be too gloomy a place for lively spirits to dwell
Where you may feel safe enough to leave Denialand behind
Where you may come to see when family and friends need to intervene
Where you may make peace with reality in your own good time
Where the decision to make each of these choices is thine and only thine.


Though living in Denialand made me feel safe for quite some time
Denial bound my strengths behind make believe's plaster mask


A healthy home encourages pretense to cast off its mask
A healthy home encourages humility to face reality head on
A healthy home encourages families to discover who hides inside:


As for me:
I was a pleaser
I lived in Denialand
I wore out
I make sure to pass the baton before sailing away to rest and think deep
I became a tunneling, puzzle piece collector
I seek to compile bigger pictures
I reconsider misperceptions and half baked decisions
I resuscitate lost strengths
I identify vulnerabilities
I work to develop vulnerabilities into new strengths
I escape confusing mazes by carving out new pathways
I take turns leaping into or holding fast to safety nets
I thrive in communities where diversity is considered a strength
I thrive in communities where change breeds ambiguity
I thrive in communities where creativity leads to messiness
I thrive where compassion, courage, love and forgiveness abide
I thrive where the blame game gives way to peace of mind, all around


I chose to grow up twice
I had the good fortune to grow up in my parents' loving home
I chose to grow up, again, while raising my children
I plan to show you a sampling of several loving homes
I believe in first things first, so—
I will show you the home in which I grew up, first ...

218 THE CHICKEN CHOOSES TO CROSS THE ROAD

When confusion swirls, overlong, and I sense my focus is in need of fine tuning, I ask myself this question:


What situation is scaring my thought processor to flood with rationalizations?


Rationalizations fool me into believing I'm just fine, when I'm walking on tip toe.


When I walk on tip toe, I fear my chosen path is strewn with raw eggs.  And if I make a wrong move and they break and I slip, I'll find myself with egg on my face.


Confusion suggests
That I can't tell whether it's best
To walk straight ahead or turn left or right


Confusion suggests
That in truth
I'm more terrified of my next move than I know


When confusion persists, today
I stop where I am
And face my mirror


Upon facing my mirror here's what I say:
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Tis time for my thought processor to tell rationalization from truth


At this point, my mirror asks:
Annie, which fuel is stoking your locomotive?
Fear or courage?


When driven by fear
I must fuel my thought processor with courage
To reconsider my decisions


This is not an easy task because
My ego hates to recognize my mistakes in judgment
And so, I must set my ego to one side


Once my locomotive
Is stoked with courage
My train of thought readies itself to ask for help


Once stoked with courage
My locomotive seeks out someone
Who has won my trust


Someone
Whose traits, values and strengths
I'd like to emulate


Someone
With whom
I feel safe and secure


Once I feel safe
My locomotive re-centers
On a self confident track


As the self confident side

Of my thought processor

Picks up steam


I pull away from Denialand
And find answers to my questions
By tunneling deep within


Each time a fear uncouples
An inner strength
Takes it's place


Upon feeling stoked
With inner strengths
I face the unknown unafraid


And while chugging along

On this self confident track
Coupling up brings more pleasure, less stress


As I was a child
Who came home
To love and security, every day


I eventually mustered the strength
To face up to
Whatever fate threw my way


Though love
Does not conquer all
Love coupled with courage is hard to beat


Once a chicken—stoked with love and courage—
Draws forth a host of inner strengths
Tis time to cross the road where REALITY awaits


When confusion persists, today
I figure it's time
For this chicken to confront subconscious fear head on


Upon leaping away from a towering fear
 I look to see who has a secure hold
On the safety net


And muster the courage
To take my next leap of faith
Into the unknown


If asked to describe
A home where love and courage combine
Here's what I'd say ...

217 WHEN QUIET AND CONFUSION HOLD HANDS

A well behaved child is often an observant child.
An observant child may be self-protective.


At times when confusing changes are taking place
A self protective child may grow more observant, more quiet.


A child, who unknowingly harbors a need to take good care of a parent, may subconsciously grow numb to fear of certain changes.


An observant child grows to be an observant adult.


When I grew up and felt deeply confused about my path, I refrained from saying too much or asking too many questions of my children, because, concern for me may have caused their personal needs to repress too deeply for their own good.


Upon observing my children's natural reactions, I found myself identifing fears, which had been subconsciously repressed from my conscious awareness, as well.

When parents walk egg shells, children do, too.

Eggshells are contagious, because 'like-spirits' sense when both feel unsafe.

‘THE TRUTH’ of what we need to do to meet our needs and the needs of those we love most, emerges, over time.


When asked how I resolve my sense of confusion, today, here is my response:


First, I ask myself this question—


Annie, do you have a clue or is (some fear hidden inside) your brain still fooling you?


As this question fuels the thought processing portion of my brain, a train of thought takes off as though on its own.  And as this train of thought picks up steam, I find myself on a new track that takes me through tunnels, makes me climb mountains, and thus do I release confusion, one station at a time.


At first my fear is great.
Station by station not so much
Ultimately I stand centered, strong, and tall.
Well, two out of three's not bad.
Though I see myself as tall
Reality suggests that's beyond my control.
So when I need to confront someone
Who seemingly towers over me
The first thing I say is
'Let's sit down.'

216 ☺POPEYE

I have no fear of turning my inner life inside out

The truth is my spinach

I 'YAM WHO I 'YAM

So what you see is what you get—today

215 YOUR FRIEND, ANNIE

As you may recall, my reason for calling myself Annie will uncloak soon after my high school graduation.


The fact that Annie and Helen had buddied up is coincidental.
On the other hand, I have reason to believe that coincidences are meant to be.
Another word for 'meant to be' is bashert


Lots of funny 'meant to be' moments will pop up after Annie grows up.
Lots of meaningful moments, steeped in insight, as well.


As it's taking some time to tunnel toward my high school years, I appreciate your patience while you buddy up with me ...

J

214 ANNIE SULLIVAN

J  When the student is ready the teacher appears

      I want to hold your hand ...

213 I SEE! I LISTEN! I LEARN! I SPEAK MY TRUTH! I THRIVE!

"Life is either a great adventure or else it is nothing ..."  Helen Keller