FOREVER FRIENDSHIPS

Today’s post reflects my reply to a younger woman, the daughter of a dear friend.  Though I’d not heard from Rachel for quite a while, she received my heartfelt reassurance that apologies were unnecessary.

No worries, Rachel—I understand the nature of forever friendships, which truly describes our love for each other though we may remain out of touch for long periods of time.  As you’d hoped, I am feeling a little better, every day.

In fact, yesterday, I enjoyed my first walk outside with Will—without my walker—meaning that this was the first time since my last surgery in July that I’d placed my trust in not needing to sit on the seat of the walker to catch my breath—and as we’d enjoyed our walk without my feeling need to sit down, yesterday marked my awareness of a significant improvement in my ability to breathe while walking.  On the other hand, it’s true that walking while talking remains beyond my current capacity if I hope to inhale and exhale with ease.🙂.

Feel my warmest hugs, Rachel, just as I’ve always enjoyed yours, beginning when you were one of my very favorite little girls, whose big brown eyes, looking up at me, shone with love so naturally that I had felt, even then, that we were meant to be forever friends.

With hopes that you and your family are well …

I love you, Rachel!

And happy birthday, today, to your mom, my dear friend, Jill🙋🏻‍♀️❤️🎂

🙋🏻‍♀️❤️😘Annie

IF CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT IN LIFE THEN …

 Good morning,

Will just called Steven, who’s up north at the cabin, quarantining by himself with one of his two Rhodesian Ridgebacks, Flix.  I felt somewhat relieved to hear that Steven’s sinus headache is not as intense, today.  He’s expecting to receive an email containing the results of his CT scan, which he’ll then forward to me, and after Will reads the report, we’ll talk with Steven, again.

Steven also said that five of his six employees came down with COVID, last week, as did he.  The only employee who is not infected had been absent from Steven’s law office, a week ago, Monday and Tuesday, following which everyone else became symptomatic.  Over these past couple of years, Lupe (Celina’s mom) has worked for Steven, and she has a mild case of Covid, too.

I’ve not yet heard from Barry to find out how he (still with COVID) and Marie (over COVID but now with the flu) are feeling, today, or when the boys, who have returned from their father’s (who is insistent that they be returned to him on their court appointed days, COVID or not) can return to school.  Their Dad (known to be a superspreader, sent his sons to school on Monday, knowing that Tony had still tested positive for covid on Sunday).  They return to their father’s house at 5pm, today.  What a mess!  No wonder, over the years, Barry has learned to insulate his blood pressure from bursting through vessels, being that he’s learned, during lengthy custody battles, over these past nine years, how blind the courts in CA tend to be to what’s actually best for the kids.

For the most part, other than texting, David’s been quiet these last couple of days, and most importantly, he’s healthy.

These past three months have been deeply troubling, all around.  I felt need to take an Adivan, today.

Just as the state of my family’s well-being permeates my thoughts, every day, this has been such a terribly worrisome time for everyone throughout the world that I remain in awe of the fact that COVID has been empowered to create such a mess of millions of lives for close to two years with the light at the end of the tunnel still out of sight.

Though a widespread sweep concerning belief in masks and vaccinations would have seen us working together to shorten the length of this global pandemic, change for the better has not yet relegated this highly contagious virus to our rear view mirrors, being that the millions of stubborn closed minds continue to ignore well tested, medical guidelines, which—had these guidelines been readily absorbed—would have deemed us so seaworthy as to have left the disastrous repercussions of this ‘current event’ in our wake.

Thank goodness, the enduring strength of my positive focus fully believes that once this tunnel does end (and it will), our patience with change will catch sight of the first glimmer of light, at which time, we'll celebrate the fact that our love for each other will have brightened our spirits as we’d insulated our minds in hopes of minimizing frustration concerning that which remains beyond our control so as to concentrate a mindful sense of positive focus upon the eventual, inevitable resurgence of good health, abounding all around, at long last.

By expanding my hopes to include you and your family and friends, my chosen attitude of hopefulness will continue to focus upon the return to good health on the part of every precious person I love—the sooner the better.

If you’re not already doing so, Please mask up.  Please booster up.

If you’ve known yourself to be amongst the superspreaders, please consider the health of your children, their classmates and teachers and, of course, the vulnerability of your parents’ generation, because two years of butting heads within this darkened tunnel of turmoil is not about to end until we choose to wisely participate in the creation of change for the better, together.

Thank you for listening to my plea.

As for now, I hope that each time you choose to seek me out, the most open minded portion of your heartfelt human kindness will absorb more (than ever before) whatever my intuitive voice implores the conscious portion of my brain to clarify via penning posts, day after day.

👩🏻Annie

CAN WE CHOOSE TO INSULATE OUR MINDS?

Yesterday, my sister, Lauren, said she’d had no knowledge of Steven’s testing positive for COVID.  I wonder if that info had been sent to her on a text thread received by several members of our family.  But then, perhaps not as Lauren and I’d readily agreed that it’s been hard to tell what’s up with the state of her mind and mine, most especially over these past three worrisome months.

As I’ve continued to remind myself that the majority of my anxiety has been concerned with so much that’s beyond my control—this week, I noticed that the level of my anxiety has lessened, day by day, suggesting that conversations I’ve chosen to have with myself, while quarantining, may be insulating my think tank from absorbing the anxiety of my loved ones, which naturally had empathetically compounded my own..

👩🏻 Annie

PS

Having spoken with her son, my sister received confirmation of my having sent a group text to their family in which Steven’s testing positive had been mentioned. Though I’d thought that was the case, I’ve come to see that thinking myself ‘right’ has lost its importance when, in fact, so much continues to feel so terribly wrong throughout our entire our world. 

(❤️🎂Being that today is Jan. 5th, 2022, I’d like to wish my sister, Lauren, a happy and healthy 74th birthday with many more to come.  The photo below reflects happier times as it was taken four years ago at our wonderful 50th wedding anniversary party, hosted and planned by our three sons.)

  

BOY OR GIRL???

Today started out better than any day, during these last ten days—as both Barry and Steven feel so much better, though both still test positive for Covid.  And though everyone else in Barry’s house tests positive, my eldest son’s family is asymptomatic or feels no worse than had a cold been caught.

Celina and Ravi, (quarantining separately from Steven) are still testing negative.

Once Steven’s symptoms had not worsened beyond feeling like a cold, he decided to quarantine (along with one of his two Ridgeback’s) up north at our cabin, which must be quite picturesque, as our ‘get-away’ in the tall pines is covered with several inches of fluffy fresh snow.

Every Tuesday, Ravi’s school administers COVID tests  (to the children of parents, who’d signed on for this program).  Steven said he’ll check online, tomorrow evening, to see if Ravi's school is infested with the COVID varmint—I mean virus …

Today, my half hour echocardiogram took two hours.  The technician had trouble taking ultrasound pictures that clearly show my heart functions, because (he said) my heart may have shifted after my lung was removed.  And he had to deal with fluid (which had naturally filled the cavity inside my chest) as well as scar tissue.  I took advantage of the time taken by the technician to spread gel all over my chest by suggesting that if, by chance, a baby was seen floating in the fluid, filling my chest cavity, I’d like to know—boy or girl.  After a moment of utter silence, all four staff members burst into laughter. And so did I.

I believe today’s findings will show that my heart functions are fine.  It’s the PET scan (of my entire body) that will, hopefully, show no leiomyosarcoma—lurking anywhere inside me from head to toe!  And then the results of a chest CT scan will offer us a close up (a more detailed study) of everything that can be seen between my collarbone and my waist.  Those studies are scheduled to take place on January 21st and 22nd.

BTW—Will was able to accompany me into the waiting room at Mayo, today, and at some point, I asked one of four staff members, who had attended to the ultrasound of my heart functions, to let my husband know why a study that generally lasts for half an hour was stretching from late morning into midafternoon.  I sure do hope that, ultimately, the results of today’s echo offer my cardiologist all of the info that she expects to receive.

As for now, it’s 6:36 pm suggestive of —my being off to margaritaville!

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

PS   Although no sign of a baby was sighted during today’s ultrasound, the footprints of three precious little guys (all grown to manhood, over more years than I’d want to count.) will always be felt, singing and dancing, cavorting and laughing deep within my heart.

BATTERY OF TESTS BEGINS, TOMORROW

 With Omicron being hyper-contagious, I’m beginning to think of our house as a bomb shelter.

The battery of tests (administered every three months) to determine the current state of my health, begins, tomorrow.  Not looking forward to sitting in waiting rooms with other people—though knowing thateveryone at Mayo is required to wear a mask is a comfort. 

Actually, I don’t know if Will will be allowed to accompany me into any of buildings that make up the complex.  I may be on my own, again (with a volunteer pushing my wheelchair).🤔

COVID—HERE THERE EVERYWHERE

I’m glad to say that while facing reality, today, with clarity intact, my anxious reaction continues to be absent even though I know for a fact that Barry, Marie, Tony, Ray and Steven have all tested + for COVID.  And this change for the better—referring to the calm nature of my current demeanor—is highly significant, being that this remarkable change in attitude suggests my acceptance of the fact that the health of my offspring is beyond my control without so much as a hint of PTSD, niggling subconsciously at my peace of mind.

If the whole truth be told, this mental feat concerning a sense of inner calm replacing anxiety derives great comfort from the fact that, thus far, everyone who is symptomatic feels no worse than had a bad cold been caught.

I believe that today’s calming sensation is indicative of my narrow mindset expanding at least enough to accept my personal need to relax the angst of My Fixer 

As to my mention of PTSD, more about reason for that repressed reaction to erupt whenever any or all of my precious offspring are ill, sometime later …

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

NEW YEAR’S DAY 2022

 My fervent New Year’s wish:

Let’s put our heads together, light a match to a long fuse attached to a bundle of dynamite sticks and blast every past, current and future variant of this COVID virus so far from Earth that its threat will never again darken our doors, and then, we’ll all live happily ever after!🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️

If that’s too much to ask—I’m wishing for my wish to be granted, anyway!😉

Tomorrow, I’ll refocus my mental concentration upon that which is within my personal sphere of controL

As for today, here’s my second New Year’s wish—I wish everyone throughout the world enjoys 365 days of well-loved happiness, good health and inner peace along with an abundance of laughter!

If that’s too much to ask—I’ll go from 365 days to 364, but you’ll not see me bargaining any lower than that, because, from this day forward, I plan to enjoy a brand new tradition concerning my choice to block reality out of my mind on every New Year’s Day.  Why? Well, as of late, reality has seen me feeling far too serious without so much as having taken a break to enjoy a good chuckle—Sooo …

In order to remedy that sad situation, I plan to lighten and brighten the navy blue hue of my current mood by setting my sights on so much to smile about that I may actually be seen tickling my own funny bone, and since a gaggle of giggles can’t hurt, you may see me throwing a bit of silliness into the mix along with a hearty guffaw for good measure!

If 364 days of pure pleasure is too much to ask—I’ll run outside as soon as it’s dark and ask my lucky star to grant both of my wishes before even one doubting Thomas has had time to dismiss wish one and wish two as nothing more than wishful thinking! HA!

BTW—I’m glad to say that no latent sense of overwhelming grief masquerading as anxiety is hanging heavy over my spirit, today—hooray!

🥳🎉🎈🌷🧚‍♀️Annie