643 REFLECTING OVER POST 19, WRITTEN IN 2011

Every new stage of life is a jack in the box that offers an unexpected surprise!

When the subject is love (or life) we have no clue what to expect next.

I awoke during the night, needing to write down these next thoughts.  Then upon reawakening, I decided they were worth sharing with you:

I've come to see that taking time to clean out my mind is like re-organizing my closet.  Imagine what my closet would look like if I'd kept everything from childhood that does not fit the adult I am, today.

Imagine how hard it would be to make decisions if I had to sort through countless 'shoulds', which had fit at an earlier stage of life but serve to clutter my mind with mounds of confusion and undeserved guilt, today.

If I don't clean out my mind, from time to time, then how long might it take me to size up solutions, which best fit problems that pop up, today?

What if yesterday's problems must be confronted, resolved, and swept out the door before love feels less painful, more trusting—before life feels less confusing, more hopeful.  Less stressful, more peaceful ...

When we're young, our closets fill with the choices of others.  If, as adults, we try to stuff ourselves into choices deemed appropriate by past generations then how narrow must our comfort zones remain?  I mean how limited might my wing span be if Mother Nature didn't poke at my instincts and force me to fly into the future, free to develop uniquely into the me I need to be?

So it becomes plain to see that cleaning out the closet of my brain is like sorting through roots while experimenting with wings.  As my closet is filled with tradition as well as existential beliefs, I've got my work cut out for me. 

While working through the process of reorganizing my mind, my comfort zones expand.  Each time I feel the need to spin myself into a cocoon, my brain works toward reprocessing some aspect of my self esteem until a slowly creeping caterpillar develops a set of wings.  However, if you open my cocoon before my metamorphosis et finis, imagine what you'd see?  Not a pretty sight, right?

In order that my self worth doth not depend upon the narrowness of my waist, I'd better get back to work at reprocessing my mind to view the person I've grown to be, today.  Good grief, Charlie Brown, looks to me like I've got some serious closet cleaning to do.  I mean, where in the world did these gingham bloomers come from?  Passed down from Grandma's mind to mine is a likely guess.

Though Grandma's bloomers, fit just fine during her life time, common sense suggests I ask which of her values (or Mom's or Dad's) squeeze my mind into a space too small for my mind to grow into yours truly  :) 

642 LET'S SEE IF I CAN GET A STORY TO OPEN UP ON ITS OWN :)

Sooo ... let's see if a story opens up on its own if I just start writing whatever comes to mind ...

My oldest son, a bachelor, is dating a woman with two munchkins, ages barely three and just past one.  Lately, he's been calling the child whisperer for advice.

It's my guess that's how my son thinks of me, because he grew up in a home where children were taught that compassion for a siblings feelings received accolades, whereas swinging bats at each other's vulnerabilities received consequences.  In the house where 'my three sons' grew from munchkins to manhood, adults did not place small fry in the hot seat or whip round balls into square pegs.  Instead, all three were treated like big fish in that each line cast in hopes of reeling them in encouraged small fry to develop a boatload of personal strengths.  While growing toward adulthood, one day at a time,  each child FELT encouraged to view himself and each other as a unique individual, meaning that the leader, encouraging each one to feel natural in his own skin, was not looking to clone a matched set.  In this house, we learned how to celebrate each other's achievements and supported each other when bereavement followed loss.  In this house, family life revolved around enriching our minds by developing a mutually respectful understanding of each others' ups and down.

If asked how positive discipline got its start in our home, I'd reply ... the adult in charge of modeling self control for a trio of munchkins got lucky while sitting on a park bench, lamenting the fact that she was close to losing her mind.  The fact that this adult admitted to having no clue what to do allowed her neighbor to offer a suggestion that made more sense than anything this young parent had ever heard.  And low and behold, after taking her neighbor's suggestion to heart, the inventive minds of single purposed munchkins chose to follow their leader—cooperatively, which differs greatly from obediently.

When asked why that about face came to pass, I smile while replying ...Once this child-whisperer-in-training recognized the difference between creating a high spirited sense of cooperation vs. wrestling a resentful attitude of obedience to the mat, she challenged herself to stay on top of a brand new game.  And the name of this positively focused game was and is:  Win Win :)

Before I offer you examples of how this particular child whisperer reeled in such a fruitful catch, it may be helpful to show you how she retrained her brain :)  So with brain training in mind, let's return to that bench at the park, which I'd mentioned in post 620: ANNIE BECOMES MOM OF TWO Chapter one.  

Imagine me as a twenty something, stymied mom of two munchkins.
One munchkin is two and a half years old
The second is less than one
I'm sitting on a park bench next to a neighbor
This neighbor has one little girl, who is the same age as my second son
If you wonder why a veteran like me would take advice from a rookie
Then you're missing a vital piece of the picture I'm painting:
You see, during the first few years of parenthood, we're all rookies
Therefore reflection deems it wise for every rookie on the bench
To open eyes, ears and mind to seriously consider any suggestion
Hinting at knowledge that's passed from mouth to mouth
Today, I thank my lucky stars ...
For choosing to retrain my brain
By opening both eyes, both ears
And the intelligent side of my mind rather than
Listening to my neighbor
With an attitude of egocentric, closed minded negativity
And now—let's leap forward at least a decade on the time line from
When I was rookie on the bench
Toward a time in my life
When the inventive side of my mind had worked patiently
To become a certified family communication's instructor ... 
Honored to have been featured as
Keynote speaker at
The International Association of Nannies ...
BTW ... I chose to throw that detail in so you'd accept my credibility
Without feeling a need to take you through
Twenty five years of my professional life ...
Though, over time, each of those years is bound to show up
On your screen within a post yet to come :) 

641 AS OF RIGHT NOW ... :)

As of right now ...
My spirit appreciates the creative process that directs my path toward
Spotlighting insight while others with narrow mindsets are stuck in a rut

As of right now ...
Insight into deeper truth feels like an ocean breeze
Clearing my mind of dark clouds, heavy with yesterday's unshed tears

As of right now...
I appreciate my process which compels me to write
Until insight into clarity pops out of my mind!


As of right now ...
Though this be the blustering month of March
My mind feels as light and bright as a sunny day in May

As of right now
All I have left to say is ...
Whew! :)

640 WHEN AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED ... :)

When thoughts run deep, several days may pass before I grasp where complex sentence structure is seriously in need of simplifying.  Thank goodness, I can edit after a post has been sent flying around in cyberspace :)

Suggestion:  You might want to reread post 638 for this reason ...
During the editing process a vital insight popped out of my mind, which clarified the importance of recognizing and relieving oneself of undeserved guilt :)

639 LIGHTING MY SPIRIT FROM WITHIN BY CONSCIOUS CHOICE :)

Many years ago

We moved from a blustering climate to frolic in the sun

And though sunshine is what I continue to crave

Here is why I love a rainy day ...

Rain washes the world clean :)

Hmmm ... Somehow that sounds familiar ...

Where might I have heard such a familiar ring?

Oh yes, of course ... those very words popped out of my mind

And appeared upon my screen

While writing a story book

About love across the miles

For a sweet child, who remains close to my heart

Though she moved across the country, last year
Anyway, it's always heartening for me

To ride out yesterday's storms

Knowing that, for the most part

My natural approach to life is to walk a path

Where my smile lifts, most often, toward the sun

Where my heart embraces a growing sense of who has earned my trust

Where conversation explores vulnerabilities in need of strengthening

Where my mind listens openly in hopes of considering

The well being of everyone I love :)

Though my memory bank is still closed to story telling

Here I am

Mustering patience for that which I don't understand

Here I am

Wearing a warm smile while wishing you a high spirited day :)

638 BASKING IN THE LIGHT OF POSITIVE CHANGE :)

Soooo ... I awoke this morning with a glimmer into this writer's block, which limits my ability to express myself openly, freely, naturally.  It's as if the rule following side of my mind—fearful of where my quest to KNOW MYSELF may take me, next—is the gatekeeper, blocking me from re-examining certain rules, which had limited my choices.

To some degree and for good reason, we are all rule followers.  In lieu of rules, anarchy and chaos would dominate over all.

Recently, I've come to see why rule followers, who fear deviating from the norm, cannot muster the courage to develop into individuals who think for themselves.   Rather than developing into unique individuals, working creatively to produce positive change, rule followers huddle as close to the center of the bell shaped curve as possible, because the middle ground is where they feel safest of all.  You know—as in better safe than climbing out on a limb in order to express expansive views, which prove long overdue.

Whereas rule followers' narrow views are written in stone, expansive minds grow courageous wings, which fly from one philosophy to another until one's philosophy of life connects with common sense more often than adhering to 'shoulds', which, upon deeper thought, are a lot like laws that make no sense, at all.  Need an example ... rent The Help.

Speaking as one who'd subscribed to live-love-laugh-and-BE-happy by serving the needs of others, today finds me exploring a path where I'll live, love and laugh freely and naturally by thinking for myself—not to be confused with considering only myself.  If asked how my philosophy of life differs today from yesterday, I'd say:  Whereas yesterday I'd imitated patterns set firmly in place by others—because my decisions had been based in fear of what might be lost—today my process is focused upon what may be gained by diving into my mind in hopes of thinking deeper than ever before!  And as a result of thinking in solitude, insight into deeper truths emerge.

Yesterday, when you looked for my smile, I may have made a gift of it tremulously.  Today, my smile emerges naturally lit from within or not at all.

If you need assurance that whatever you see on the surface is what I truly FEEL, just look into my eyes.  From shy to smolder to dancing with joy, my eyes reflect that which my spirit feels inside.

Though my mind may be processing seriously to encourage narrow trains of thought to switch tracks, somehow, as soon as certain people turn up, my smile does, too.  And here is why that's true:  Each time my spirit connects with one who subscribes to the prescription of BE YOURSELF, my smile ignites, spontaneously.  You see, being with that person feels like being warmly welcomed home.

On the other hand, the fact that I'm actively converting my thought processor into an independent thinking machine does not mean that the herding instinct has been left behind.  In fact it's the herding instinct that conflicts with my instinct to think for myself.  Hey!  Let's take a deeper look at that insight, which just popped out of my head!

Inner conflict results when opposing instincts lock horns!

With that insight in mind, I can minimize inner conflict and maximize peace of mind in this way:  I can choose to embrace both sides of my nature as a whole.  In order to accept myself as a whole human being, I'll need to embrace the existence of my wild thing instead of closing my eyes and adopting the pretense that she does not exist, at all.  In truth, we all belong to the animal kingdom.  What separates us from the lower species within the kingdom is this:  Our wild things can be trained not to devour more vulnerable beings.

Once my wild thing is accepted by me, common sense suggests that I accept yours, as well.  And if it happens that my wild thing has received more training than yours, I'll not judge you more harshly than I'd judge myself if we exchange emotional responses that prove as turbulent as sailing through an ocean storm with wild things on board ...  you know ... kind of like Pi, who, having sailed through a slew of emotional storms, came to understand why the intelligent side of his mind had need to dominate the tiger, which naturally had need to walk the wild side ...

Today, while basking in the gift of a warm and lovely, sunny morning—suggesting that I'm not currently in the Midwest—my intelligence is clarifying when to control my wild thing vs when to allow it to fly free of societal constraint.  And in exchange for absorbing these positive trains of thought—guess what kind of baggage my mind is working to unload?

My mind is unloading undeserved guilt.  Each time undeserved guilt, which weighs heavy on the creative side of my mind, unloads, I enjoy a rebalanced view of choices that allow me to live, love, laugh—and write—with less inner conflict more natural joy de vie :)

And now, having gained a sense of clarity into the ways that narrow mind sets create undeserved guilt, hopefully, my turbulent state of mind will lift and stories will emerge, naturally—before too long :)

637. WRITER'S BLOCK

Writer's block ...
Still got it
Doggone-it