494 THAR SHE BLOWS!!!

In recent weeks, numbers of readers are falling off
Even so, I need to suck that up
And not force my mind to switch on
The story-telling side of my brain
For this reason:

Though many must learn to control anger
Or release anger in healthy ways
I am in need of exhuming
An extraordinary stash of unacknowledged anger
Without feeling consumed by UNDESERVED guilt

I mean—
How many really good folk are conditioned
To not feel enraged with certain people
Whose traits frustrate all sense of inner peace
Right our of our minds?

What if fear calls upon
The defense system to cast a sleeping spell
Upon a person's ability to even sense anger
Tossing, turning and burning with rage—
Deep within?

If rage
And peace of mind
Are opposites
Then, my short range goal must be
To awaken to my sense of rage, really soon!

And as I tend to follow instructions that make sense
Perhaps tis a good thing for readers to clear out for awhile
Because—as I dive more deeply into my subconscious
Who's to know when it may be time to exclaim—
'Holy smokescreens!  Run for your life!  Thar she blows!

493 EXPOSE SUBCONSCIOUS 'MADNESS' BEHIND THE PERSONA'S VENEER

Riddle:

Is it not confounding to think that we can harvest the energy of the mind in such creative ways as to figure out how to shoot a man to the moon but we balk at harnessing emotional energy in intelligent ways so as to stop freaking out while trying to solve problems with loved ones at home?

Stick with me and you shall see why I say with utmost conviction:

We can stop subconscious 'madness'
From reigning supreme
By detecting insecurity
Left unprocessed during childhood

If asked:
Annie, how do you know you can do this?
I'd reply:
I'm well-practiced

492 PEACEFUL RESOLUTION DEPENDS ON BRIDGING CONFLICT

Riddle:

What must change before

Solution seekers can begin to work

At resolving conflicts

For the betterment of all involved?

Every mind must open to insight

Into building bridges of communication

By engaging in

Self disciplined discussions

Having worked to train my mind
To tame my anger
During moments fraught with conflict
I feel peaceful, retrospectively for this reason:

I've grown practiced at thinking while speaking
So as not to rub salt into another's open wounds
And thus, during moments of reflection
I rarely cringe from flinging insults that I'd wish to forget

As bridge-building connects mental acuity with emotional maturity
Both sides voice frustrations in need of change—respectfully 
Thus transitioning away from lashing out
With yesteryear's childish retorts

Today, when my request to discuss mind sets
Is met with a nay sayer's furtive attempts
To silence my instinct to express unmet needs ...
I do not turn the other cheek, because I feel weak ...

Au contraire—the quiet nature of my silent stance
Is, in truth, an empathetic response
To having experienced the pain of peeling away at
The tightly wound layers of my persona's—onion

Today, I embrace compassion over combat
For this reason:
While working to build bridges between clarity and reality
I choose to remove my mind from out of the line of fire

Even so, please note
That this is my hope:
I hope that, day by day, more of us
May feel ready to muster the courage to leave denial's hazy maze behind

I hope that as groups tend to absorb knowledge and regroup, again and again
More of us may tune into the instinct to explore and absorb classic insights
Into self awareness, resulting in personal gains
Which prove mutually enriching to the group as a whole


When the name of the game is
LET'S WORK, CONSCIOUSLY, TOWARD RAISING WORLD LEADERS
Tis a common mistake
To attempt to raise clones—who tend to follow rather than lead ...

Insight suggests that if
PEACEFUL RESOLUTION DEPENDS ON BRIDGING CONFLICT
Then it behooves us to raise free spirited, self confident individuals
Who trust themselves to express their needs with well tamed tongues

If children learn to bridge conflicts by mimicking adults
Then doth it not make sense to train our minds
To express personal needs, during times of conflict—
Without making use of innuendo that puts others down?

491 SRI LANKA, TRINIDAD, TOBAGO, UZBEKISTAN ... AND COUNTING

Let's bid welcome to
Sri Lanka
Trinidad

Tobago

Uzbekistan ... ... 73 nations and counting ...
Wow!
J

490 I AM A BRIDGE

I am a bridge
I am a bridge that none may walk all over—anymore
I am a bridge, connecting problems with solutions
How can I prove this to be true?
Stay tuned and as my history unfolds
You shall see why I state with conviction:
I am a bridge that no one will tread too hard upon, ever again
Put me down—watch me stand up to confront your perception of me
I am a bridge, working to connect my conscious mind with subconscious fear
I am a bridge, no longer needing a pretentious persona
To hide from my vulnerabilities
Though I may not know what takes place inside my subconscious, today
I do know this:  All too often subconscious memories color our thoughts
Each time I take that fact into account
I gain more control over some aspect my life than before
And though I may never know the sum of my parts, through and through
I've come to see that the root word of pretentious is pretend
And as a result of working consciously to strip pretentious layers of false pride away
I feel truly proud of the person I continue to become, day by day
And thus do I say:
I am a bridge
I am a bridge that bullies may not walk all over—anymore
I am a bridge that bullying cannot tread too hard upon—again
I am a bridge connecting my subconscious fears to conscious awareness
I am a bridge that doth not need to hide behind a pretentious persona
I am a bridge, connecting problems with lasting solutions
If you'd like to build such a bridge with your mind
Then please stay tuned so you can see
How and why it's wise to tune into your vulnerabilities
In hopes that the positively focused, compassionate side of your mind
May remain fully functioning at those times when your best traits
And most fervent beliefs are taking a beating ...
As you shall see, I am a bridge, which consciously foregoes bitterness
In hopes of maintaining an attitude of compassion during conflict
So that my mind will not solidify into a hot pot calling kettles black
At those times when my trustworthy traits and positively focused beliefs
Are taking a beating
And if you'd like to ask:
Annie, by choosing to be a bridge, connecting problems with solutions
Doth that mean you believe all the answers come from within?
I'd reply:  Not at all, my friends, not at all ...
Building bridges means developing the courage to ask questions ...
Which had submerged within a deep freeze
Inside a frightened portion of my mind when I was child
Building bridges means I do not allow defensive walls of others
To shut my spirit down
Building bridges means I can see my way toward
Quietly embracing insight, while waiting quietly, patiently ...
In hopes that defensive walls, surrounding
The closed mindsets of others may begin to thaw
Building bridges within my mind means choosing to tread paths
Where insights guide me to develop courage and humility as personal strengths
And once insight into courage and humility acts as my guide
My mind opens to exploring pathways of thought
Which had once caused me to quake with fear
Seen in this light ... building bridges doth not mean
That my relationships will not break apart
Building bridges means connecting with mind expanding facts
Such as these:
 Hearty relationships build two way streets.
Healthy relationships stop crashing into denial's dead ends
If you'd like to warm up a mutually trusting friendship
With a bridge builder like me
Then perhaps you, too, may choose to dive into your mind
To see if you've had reason to develop
A darkened attitude that leaps out and freaks out
Whenever we disagree
Today, the loud noise of an insult is—just a loud noise to me
Today the loud noise of an insult highlights this fact:
There's work to be done in disciplining self control
Today's insults bounce off my strengths because
I've gained insight into this fact:
Combatting opponents must develop courage and humility
Before two can build a flexible bridge made of trust ...
And now that my mind's eye has opened to embrace insights
Into lasting friendship
I wait, patiently, quietly in the wings ...
Hoping that, one day, others may choose to 'see'
Which perceptions—of me—are on target
And which, in truth, are misperceptions
Based in hot spots of unprocessed insecurity
On the other hand if I wait over long
While insulting innuendo rains on my parade
Then please do not feign surprise
When you see me less
And hear from me less often than ever before ... because
Ever since I began to work, consciously, at turning my mind into a bridge
Any hollow din of pretense has served to push me farther away
And though I'd once been the kind of bridge
That had worked fearfully to weather the dark clouds of your storms ...
Today, I am the kind of bridge that is strengthened
By sparks of hope, which light my spirit from within—for example:
I hope that your persona—
Which flips its switch on as soon as others enter a room—
May have reason to melt down one layer at a time
So that darkness and fear—
Which close your mind to insight into clarity—
May, day by day, fade away
And if, one day, insecurity, hiding behind your persona
Shows itself to you
Then perhaps, rather than fearing bridges
Which I've worked quietly to build—
You, too, may begin to build courageous bridges of your own
And while that hope sustains my patience
I choose to employ all of the creativity
That my conscious mind can conjure up ...
In hopes of openly convincing a wealth of friends around the world
To muster the courage to walk this path of self awareness along side of me ...
So that by and by, denial may develop the readiness to trade up for reality
On the other hand, if you are reading my blog
Solely for the story telling that lies ahead
Then you may need to muster lots of patience, my friend
Because I have no clue when the storytelling side of my mind
May spontaneously turns itself on, once again
And if you ask why that's true, I'd reply:
At this very moment, my brain is working as a whole
To create a bridge whereby a fearsome problem—
Flash frozen within my subconscious when I was child—
May emerge from the depths of the dark side of my mind
One detail at a time
You see, the reason that my mind needs to work as a whole
Is because enormous degrees of inner strength are necessary
To purge a hurtful memory that feels close to clarifying itself to me
And thus, rather than switching tracks toward story telling
My conscious train of thought is concentrating on peeling back
A deeply scarred layer of my own protective, subconscious wall...
And as this particular scar continues to soften enough to slough away
The the adult I've grown to be is sheltering the frightened child
Whose voice had frozen into such a huge lump of fear in her throat
That she could tell no one—including herself— that which
She'd experienced or felt
(You know, like in those dreams where you want to scream—but can't)
Thus, when a series of posts, such as this one, pops up on your screen
Please note that my mental energy is not free
To flow toward my story telling vein
Please note that while working to bridge my conscious and subconscious
My instincts signal me not to worry
That you'll get bored and go away, forever
Because, even if that is true
The subconscious activity I'm struggling to free
Feels  such a sense of surging readiness developing
That I must focus all of my energy upon working to build this bridge
Therefore, my friends, while my focus continues to muster the courage
To create this bridge of mental transition
Which had once felt too scary to have shared with anyone
Including my conscious self—
I hope you'll stick around and act as one of my cheerleaders
And while I'm vaporizing this layer of defensiveness
You may see the work it takes to create the mind space
For inner peace to settle as never before
At this point if you ask:  What of letting sleeping dogs lie?
Then, I'd reply:
Evidently, the ghost of this beast has not been asleep, at all!
Rather than slumbering, peacefully
The ghost of this beast has been lurking within, lumbering
Here and there, throughout my subconscious for many a year
Thus rather than working to awaken a sleeping dog
My brain is working as a whole to tame a dog
Whose bite has been stressfully distressing my peace of mind
For most of my adult life
And once the haunting nature of this memory emerges, at last
I may understand why PTSD pushed my first kiss away
When Joseph and I were twelve
Today, while working (writing) to peel
Many layers of my persona's protective covering away
My mind struggles with this question:
How much more strength must I muster
Before every layer of this protective veneer has been stripped away?
When will I have labored enough to give birth
To subconscious details, which devil at my peace of mind?
How many bouts of labor must the conscious mind endure
Before subconscious pain gives birth to memories
Which impregnate young minds with insecurity that injures self esteem?
At this point, you might want to ask:
Annie, if you can't see into your subconscious
Then how might your conscious mind win over this unnamed fear?

Well—I'd reply with self confidence strengthening my tone of voice:
No problem!
You see, I know my mind to be a bridge

And here's how I shall prove that to be true—to you:

Muster the patience to stay tuned
And once my history continues to unfold

You shall see for yourself why I state with conviction:

I am a bridge that none may bully—anymore
And 'none' includes bullies who haunt my subconscious, today

I am a bridge that no one will ever tread too hard upon, ever again

How doth I know full well that this is true of me, through and through?

Working as a whole, my brain serves me well as a bridge
And by way of training my brain to gather insights in a jar
Hope lights my way toward connecting my conscious to my subconscious

I am a bridge that doth not lean upon
A pretentious persona to falsify my strengths
Because I work, every day, to develop inner strengths at my core

Though I may not name the subconscious secret
Poking at my peace of mind, today

I keep this fact firmly in mind:
All too often, subconscious memories darken our thoughts

Each time I remember to remember that fact

I gain more control over some aspect of my life than before
And as I have already developed inner strengths necessary to take down walls
I rely on peace mind, gained from excavating other fearsome memories
While I work to exhume details too frightening to recall—as of yet
The reason I do not fear what you may think of me, today
Is because I do not fear feeling trounced by anything new
That I need to confront, concerning myself
Now that my mind is open to knowing and accepting
Both sides of my character
I've already done lots of work necessary to rate at least an eight
On a positively focused scale, ranging from one to ten
If asked how I know that to be true
I'd say:
When it comes to measuring the sum of my traits under fire
I have worked to pass many tests with flying colors—
Most especially at those times when my spirit flew at half mast
Thus affording others to trounce upon my best traits—for example:
Tolerance (mutual respect)
Patience  (listening skills)
Compassion  (I know you have a sad story to tell)
Strength (Making good use of my voice without putting another down)
Wisdom (I no longer hammer on steel walls)
Humor (I am often the first to laugh at myself)
Today, I am a bridge with a strong positive focus on building self esteem
By working, together, we can work to build connective bridges
Whereby a combative past carves new pathways toward a peaceful present ...
69 nations and counting ...
I want to hold your hand
Riddle:
Do you recall who said this?
We can do no great things
Only small things with great love ...
Hint:  This quote appeared in my blog not too long ago
Your friend,
JAnnie

489 IGNITING THE SPIRIT'S SPARKLE ...

Earlier this week, I had reason to come together with several neighbors, who have grown to be friends.  Today, a new neighbor, who had joined us, sent me this uplifting message via e-mail:

"It was so good to see you Wednesday.  Really, you just sparkle when you walk in a room!"

I replied:
Gosh!  Your kind words truly warmed my heart.
In recent years, I’ve had reason to re-evaluate my definition of friendship.
In truth, I had to dive in deep in hopes of rekindling the pilot light, which had once, naturally, ignited my spirit.  So, the fact that you’d perceived of my spirit as ‘sparkling’ meant a lot!

During that earlier time, I chose to absorb information, concerning the persona, pretense and denial.  Over time, I learned to differentiate between that portion of my spirit, which had been fueled at my core vs. the portion, which had been 'coached' to plug into a persona, which the Rules of Civility ‘expect’ us to ‘wear’.

Once I’d mustered the humility and courage to view the sum of my traits from the inside-out, my persona dropped off, and, today—what-you-see-is-who-I-am, through and through.  So, if I was sparkling that means my spirit felt fully animated upon connecting with all of you!
:-)


PS
RULES OF CIVILITY by Amor Towles
A novel, concerning:
What tangled webs we mortels weave while wearing personas ...

 

488 JUNE, A TIME FOR GRADUATIONS, WEDDINGS, JOY!

At my 'grand old age'

I've come to appreciate

Why the spirits of sages

Hover close enough to whisper

These mantras into the ears

of each generation:

'Smell the flowers'
'Live in the present.'

I mean ...

 Who's to know
What insight, lesson or trial
Tomorrow may bring?
Experience joy and spread it around—moment by moment—today!

Knowing how much work it takes for me to ‘graduate’ from one milestone in life to the next, I openly celebrate each step taken by my kids as they pass from one milestone in their lives toward the next.  Often times, milestones are not passed until insight illuminates a mindset that has not had a clue as to when it shaped up or how long it’s been closed.

As each person grows from toddlerhood toward adulthood, strings of milestones light up, one by one.  Upon reflection, one string of my most precious memories concerns the way my Dad’s spirit beamed straight into mine each time I took a 'baby step' forward.  In retrospect, the warmth of Dad's beam ignited my sense of trust to consider him one of my truest friends.  Dad did more than wish me well.  I grew up sensing, through and through, that Dad thought well of me—even when he'd deemed some of my decisions as crazy.

I didn't need to impress my parents with personal achievements to win affection and respect.  And thus did I feel peaceful while passing each milestone, one small step at a time.  When I graduated college and began to teach children, I did not aspire to speak at professional conferences, write articles or receive phone calls from newspaper reporters, asking to interview me.  Each of those unexpected experiences somehow 'found' me.  And though each of those unexpected milestones surprised me, my dad’s spirit would beam and say,  "Annie, I knew you had it in you."  (Except, Dad didn’t say ‘Annie’, because Annie is my pen name …  J )

Sitting here, today, missing my dear friend, while reflecting over the years of our relationship, my heart fills with warmth and my mind feels at peace with the knowledge that my dad said everything a child’s ear longs to hear from a 'chief' authority figure.  Perhaps the fact that my instincts sensed Dad’s belief in my future success opened the door in my mind where I did not fear taking two steps forward, one step back.  As it’s true that Dad’s bigger-than-life personality had also projected a challenging authority figure, I’d no clue, as a child, that the depth of his love coupled with the challenges he’d thrown in my path, had empowered my self esteem to focus upon my potential to succeed—one small step at a time—no matter how many setbacks throw me off track.

I've been blogging, now, for over a year.

Much to my amazement, I'm being read in 69 countries.

I don't know why I'm amazed.

Every article I've ever written has been published.

Even so, my spirit lights up when I look at the stats

And see a new nation pop up.

Amongst the topics that I choose to write about

Here is one of my all time favorites:

The power of a parent's positive focus

On an offspring's potential

To stride toward success—

One small step at a time.  :-)

I mean, in truth

Attitude and timing really are everything.

And though we always hear:  Time flies ...

I can't believe how true that is!

Will just celebrated his 70th birthday.

When he was a boy and brought home a report card

With all 'A's and one B, he'd be asked:

"Why the B?"

His parents didn't watch his face to see

How quickly their attitude had cancelled his A's.

Will grew up to be an over achieving adult—

Who’d harbored discontent not so deep inside ...

Needless to say, Mr. You're Close But Not Good Enough—Yet

Married Happy Hopeful because opposites attract

After 25 years, Happy Hopeful’s spirit

Fell so many times, it just couldn’t get up

After years of therapy Happy Hopeful realized

That she could not save the world—except for sometimes

And as old habits die hard—thus do I write this blog …

In truth, my heart smiles when I think of all of you

Who have grown to be my friends

And though we’ve yet to meet ...

I sure wish you’d choose to fill my comment box

Which is always hungry to be fed …

Warm hugs, beaming, hopeful smiles
And one last quote for today:
We can do no great things ...only small things with great love."
—Mother Teresa

JAnnie