As this post is quite lengthy, it's divided into 'break-worthy sections.
In fact, you might want to read each section as it's own post ...
Section 1
At some point in time, my grandma stopped wearing bloomers.
In fact, you might want to read each section as it's own post ...
Section 1
At some point in time, my grandma stopped wearing bloomers.
At some point in time, I wore a bikini, which didn't 'suit' grandma.
As values exist in a state of flux, comfort zones expand or restrict.
As values exist in a state of flux, comfort zones expand or restrict.
If comfort zones are to expand then childhood's rules, which imprint as deeply into our minds as tattoos, may need to be rewritten. But who shall be the scribe? The past generation or the present? This business of re-evaluating rules, concerning right and wrong, feels as painful as if we're removing many layered tattoos from our brains.
Though I knew which rules stifled my instinct to grow, rewriting any rules felt strange to me and awful to those, whose minds remain entrenched in the past. Each time I wrestle against acquired instincts, which comply with tradition, inner conflict places a choke hold on my sense of inner peace.
All too often, my expanding views of love and life cause others to feel painfully left out. You know, like being chosen last in gym class. However feeling hurt and being hurt are not one and the same. As Ricky Gervais suggests:
Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're in the right.
If those who feel left out deny the need for change then those in need of change may be seen as selfish, uncaring.
When the subject is roots and wings:
Tradition dies hard because change creates emotional conflict.
If conflicts resolved with ease then lawyers, who work hard to pass the bar, might need to tend bar to make a buck.
When the subject is roots and wings:
Tradition dies hard because change creates emotional conflict.
If conflicts resolved with ease then lawyers, who work hard to pass the bar, might need to tend bar to make a buck.
Each time emotional conflict arises, I face this choice: silence my opinions, which unsettle the status quo—and feel as though my mind is being stuffed into a sausage skin, too narrow for growth—
Or ... I can move forward through the process of change.
Section 2
Step one in the process of change:
I express my expanding views openly, honestly, and care—fully.
Step two
I spend time working to accept that some may agree with me; some may feel neutral, and some may feel left out. (Though each person chooses to step forward or remain in place, when it comes to growth, I'll not be held back.)
Step three
I spend time evaluating 'surface' judgements cast in my direction. (Please note that while moving through step three, much floundering in confusion and teeth gnashing takes place inside my head.)
Step four
I tunnel toward clarity in terms of my identity.
Then somewhere between
Step five (where I progress toward differentiation) and
Step six (where my comfort with individuation is complete), I sit down to write.
As feelings shape up into thoughts, sentences develop into paragraphs before my very eyes. Then as I reread that which flows out of my mind, a new sense of clarity, charity, and wholeness are mine.
Wholeness depends upon a growing understanding of the sum or my parts.
Thus while working to heal old wounds incurred by my self esteem, my need for positive change expands the span of my wings. And ultimately, my injured spirit flies free of yesterday's pain.
By the way, I was unaware of this step-by-step process until I watched feelings flow into words, which created sentences that developed into paragraphs on my screen. And that's why I love to write. In short, writing stimulates mental clarity for me.
Writing and clarity intertwine inside my mind.
Or ... I can move forward through the process of change.
Section 2
Step one in the process of change:
I express my expanding views openly, honestly, and care—fully.
Step two
I spend time working to accept that some may agree with me; some may feel neutral, and some may feel left out. (Though each person chooses to step forward or remain in place, when it comes to growth, I'll not be held back.)
Step three
I spend time evaluating 'surface' judgements cast in my direction. (Please note that while moving through step three, much floundering in confusion and teeth gnashing takes place inside my head.)
Step four
I tunnel toward clarity in terms of my identity.
Then somewhere between
Step five (where I progress toward differentiation) and
Step six (where my comfort with individuation is complete), I sit down to write.
As feelings shape up into thoughts, sentences develop into paragraphs before my very eyes. Then as I reread that which flows out of my mind, a new sense of clarity, charity, and wholeness are mine.
Wholeness depends upon a growing understanding of the sum or my parts.
Thus while working to heal old wounds incurred by my self esteem, my need for positive change expands the span of my wings. And ultimately, my injured spirit flies free of yesterday's pain.
By the way, I was unaware of this step-by-step process until I watched feelings flow into words, which created sentences that developed into paragraphs on my screen. And that's why I love to write. In short, writing stimulates mental clarity for me.
Writing and clarity intertwine inside my mind.
Though insight concerning change stimulates mental clarity, clarity alone does not lessen the heartfelt pain of emotional loss. You see, transforming feelings into thoughts filled with clarity is one thing. Stimulating feelings of charity toward those casting judgment, based upon the little they can see on the surface, is a hard nut for human nature to crack.
In hopes of resolving this dilemma, here's what I tell myself:
While spongy brains soak up knowledge
Brains fearing change grow ever more brittle.
And the expanse of this divide creates a chasm
Where conflicts, separating loved ones, grow ever more difficult to resolve.
So in truth, there are seven steps to the process of change.
The seventh step is actually a leap of faith.
In short, someone must take a leap of faith
To bridge the expanse of that divide.
But here's the rub:
When one tries to leap too far
It's common to fall short of your mark.
Even so, falling short must not be mistaken for failing
Or falling from grace
When falling short does not abandon hope
Then try try again may, eventually, lead all to a better place
Seven steps make up the process of change
And that's a good thing, because—seven is a lucky number
May I suggest that you stop reading and take a break right here?
Upon rereading this post, myself, I was surprised at its length.
If you choose to continue, right now, please consider yourself forewarned ...
Section 3
There are many ways to love.
Those who love freely and thus securely, hold safety nets, made of positive focus, beneath each other's'fall from grace' leaps of faith.
When one is blind to who has a firm hold on the safety net, positive focus transforms into fear. Fear is negative energy. Negative energy pulls us down.
Holding firm to a safety net
Doesn't mean catching a loved one
Each time he or she falls down.
Holding firm
Means cheerleading
While a bruised ego leaps from its tower
Or the chagrin begin to climb up and out of the hole
They'd unknowingly dug for themselves.
While working to cross a chasm
I've learned to dive less deep
So as to confront
Fewer under tows
While swimming through conflict.
And more often than not
My opponents and I
Make our way, peaceably, to the sandbar
Needless to say
Bridges crossing chasms are built in half the time
When mindful work
Cuts through denial on both sides.
However, all too often
All concerned dig in their heels
And the work of healing relationships
Is left undone.
Knowing this
Experience suggests
Mustering the patience to inch my way
Through a series of infinitesimal steps—
However, the one leap I'll no longer take
Is one that leaps back into the past
Where that defensive (unhealthy, unproductive) blame game
Caused my mind, spirit, and body to waste away ...
In hopes of resolving this dilemma, here's what I tell myself:
While spongy brains soak up knowledge
Brains fearing change grow ever more brittle.
And the expanse of this divide creates a chasm
Where conflicts, separating loved ones, grow ever more difficult to resolve.
So in truth, there are seven steps to the process of change.
The seventh step is actually a leap of faith.
In short, someone must take a leap of faith
To bridge the expanse of that divide.
But here's the rub:
When one tries to leap too far
It's common to fall short of your mark.
Even so, falling short must not be mistaken for failing
Or falling from grace
When falling short does not abandon hope
Then try try again may, eventually, lead all to a better place
Seven steps make up the process of change
And that's a good thing, because—seven is a lucky number
May I suggest that you stop reading and take a break right here?
Upon rereading this post, myself, I was surprised at its length.
If you choose to continue, right now, please consider yourself forewarned ...
Section 3
There are many ways to love.
Those who love freely and thus securely, hold safety nets, made of positive focus, beneath each other's
When one is blind to who has a firm hold on the safety net, positive focus transforms into fear. Fear is negative energy. Negative energy pulls us down.
Holding firm to a safety net
Doesn't mean catching a loved one
Each time he or she falls down.
Holding firm
Means cheerleading
While a bruised ego leaps from its tower
Or the chagrin begin to climb up and out of the hole
They'd unknowingly dug for themselves.
While working to cross a chasm
I've learned to dive less deep
So as to confront
Fewer under tows
While swimming through conflict.
And more often than not
My opponents and I
Make our way, peaceably, to the sandbar
Needless to say
Bridges crossing chasms are built in half the time
When mindful work
Cuts through denial on both sides.
However, all too often
All concerned dig in their heels
And the work of healing relationships
Is left undone.
Knowing this
Experience suggests
Mustering the patience to inch my way
Through a series of infinitesimal steps—
However, the one leap I'll no longer take
Is one that leaps back into the past
Where that defensive (unhealthy, unproductive) blame game
Caused my mind, spirit, and body to waste away ...
Let's look at it this way:
What might happen if elephants and donkeys camp in the same bunk? Subtle power struggles are bound to pick up steam. During times of crises, subtlety disappears, and everything, which may have once seemed solid crumbles or shatters with such a clatter that—confusion reigns supreme.
In truth, this process of experimenting with new ideas that lead toward change, feels scary, all around—unless both sides understand those seven steps, which enable every one concerned to exchange confusion's maze for lasting change.
What might happen if elephants and donkeys camp in the same bunk? Subtle power struggles are bound to pick up steam. During times of crises, subtlety disappears, and everything, which may have once seemed solid crumbles or shatters with such a clatter that—confusion reigns supreme.
In truth, this process of experimenting with new ideas that lead toward change, feels scary, all around—unless both sides understand those seven steps, which enable every one concerned to exchange confusion's maze for lasting change.
When called upon to take action during a crises—that just won't quit—I'd worked to clear confusion from my mind until exhaustion hit. Really hard. Then as others picked up the baton, I got very quiet, because deep thinking necessitates a well earned rest in a peaceful place. Ultimately, as clarity shapes up inside my mind, solution-seeking goals pop up on my screen.
Since it's easy to miss bigger pictures during this confusing process, I take time out (for as long as it takes) to understand my role in the maze. In short:
I see LIFE as this recycling process:
Since it's easy to miss bigger pictures during this confusing process, I take time out (for as long as it takes) to understand my role in the maze. In short:
I see LIFE as this recycling process:
Tradition—New ideas—Change—Confusion—Conflict—Resistance—Frustration—Crises—Tunneling—Mental Clarity—Emotional growth—Solution-seeking-progression—Positively focused (mature) Resolution—Peace—Tradition—New Ideas—Change—Confusion—
When some do and some don't ...
Recognize this on-going cycle
Change is—exhausting.
When some do and some don't ...
Recognize this on-going cycle
Change is—exhausting.
When one can not recognize that change occurs in steps
The name of the game becomes Tug of War
When the name of the game is Tug of War
Progress gets pulled back and pulled forth until
Courage to move forward, on one's own path
Outweighs subconscious fear
Which causes us to shrink back
In case gain may not outweigh loss
Once inner conflict, confusion, resistance, frustration and crises
Transform into clarity
And denial gives way to reality
Another step toward lasting change takes hold
While carving out a pathway toward positive change
I've come to expect experiments to fail
Before each next phase of personal transformation
Achieves a new measure of inner peace and thus, success.
Life and change are indivisible.
Upon embracing this step by step outlook on life
I began to view my mind as a lab—and
By diving in deep and piecing together the sum of my traits
I aim to create a more of a flexible whole.
Each time I adventure
Into the great unknown of my mind
I accept that each step
Of my personal transformation
May be my 'soul' reward for quite some time.
When the name of the game is Tug of War
Progress gets pulled back and pulled forth until
Courage to move forward, on one's own path
Outweighs subconscious fear
Which causes us to shrink back
In case gain may not outweigh loss
Once inner conflict, confusion, resistance, frustration and crises
Transform into clarity
And denial gives way to reality
Another step toward lasting change takes hold
While carving out a pathway toward positive change
I've come to expect experiments to fail
Before each next phase of personal transformation
Achieves a new measure of inner peace and thus, success.
Life and change are indivisible.
Upon embracing this step by step outlook on life
I began to view my mind as a lab—and
By diving in deep and piecing together the sum of my traits
I aim to create a more of a flexible whole.
Each time I adventure
Into the great unknown of my mind
I accept that each step
Of my personal transformation
May be my 'soul' reward for quite some time.
In truth, I didn't expect this soliloquy to be so lengthy. However, this post seems to be coaxing my mind to unlock a mental block, so I can clearly describe what I felt when my ego was thoroughly trounced by that solid block of bullies, the very last time I tried to choose a seat, where I might feel safe (?) on that bus.
Section 4
In short (Ha!), I believe you are playing witness to my mind's attempt to actively reprocess a negative belief. And if we can hold fast to our patience, this train of thought may chug, step by step, toward that station where ...
Section 4
In short (Ha!), I believe you are playing witness to my mind's attempt to actively reprocess a negative belief. And if we can hold fast to our patience, this train of thought may chug, step by step, toward that station where ...
OMG! Here it comes! My AHA! moment! Clarity at last! Here is the dark belief that my last ride on that bus tattooed into the deepest layers of my self image:
A little later in life this subconscious insecurity will have reason to darken into:
If I've actually exposed a negatively focused, self demeaning subconscious belief then let's see what the intelligent side of my memory has to say:
When my mind is clear of residual pain, here is what I see, as plain as day:
When my mind is clear of residual pain, I feel—self confident and thus, SECURE.
Each time I gather bread crumbs from the past, I come to see how denial shuts down my connection to logic.
As long as a subconscious belief makes me feel unattractive, unloved, or unacceptable in some way, anxiety screws up my sense of clarity.
So—each time I saw a guy's arousal clearly targeting me, I felt screwy.
As confusion aroused anxiety, my basic instinct was to fight, freeze, or bolt.
As long as that subconscious bolt was loose, I couldn't screw freely. (Puns definitely intended.) Thus, I'd no clue how deeply anxiety had interwoven into excitement.
No way could any guy feel attracted to me.
A little later in life this subconscious insecurity will have reason to darken into:
I am incapable of inspiring desire in a guy.
HOLY SMOKE SCREENS!
If I've actually exposed a negatively focused, self demeaning subconscious belief then let's see what the intelligent side of my memory has to say:
I've seen desire set its sights on me.
When my mind is clear of residual pain, here is what I see, as plain as day:
TODAY'S TRUTH.
When my mind is clear of residual pain, I feel—self confident and thus, SECURE.
As long as a subconscious belief makes me feel unattractive, unloved, or unacceptable in some way, anxiety screws up my sense of clarity.
So—each time I saw a guy's arousal clearly targeting me, I felt screwy.
As confusion aroused anxiety, my basic instinct was to fight, freeze, or bolt.
As long as that subconscious bolt was loose, I couldn't screw freely. (Puns definitely intended.) Thus, I'd no clue how deeply anxiety had interwoven into excitement.
Picture me as a teen. Blue eyes. Brunette. 5'2''. Not slender. Not stocky. Curvy. Animated. Eager for fun. Now imagine this girl on a date, feeling the heat of mutual attraction. As confusion floods my mind, my fun-loving traits shrink into shyness. What's bound to happen next?
I emotionally withdraw behind a mask, which hides the fact that I've wandered into a scary place where negative energy squeezes my sense of fun dry. Following several disappointing disengagements, my dates back off, and when they stop calling, I feel rejected. Ofcourse, I have no clue as to the possibility that they feel rejected, too, because—why would any guy in his right mind want to date (or screw)—me?
Pretty screwy, right? Or not pretty screwy. Sadly screwy.
As I'd no clue that I'd road blocked the dance of romance...
And for decades, I'll be unable to see positive changes that others say they see when looking at me.
I emotionally withdraw behind a mask, which hides the fact that I've wandered into a scary place where negative energy squeezes my sense of fun dry. Following several disappointing disengagements, my dates back off, and when they stop calling, I feel rejected. Ofcourse, I have no clue as to the possibility that they feel rejected, too, because—why would any guy in his right mind want to date (or screw)—me?
Pretty screwy, right? Or not pretty screwy. Sadly screwy.
As I'd no clue that I'd road blocked the dance of romance...
Self depreciating self deception denies reality until a mind set is revealed.
As long as subconscious fear blocked me from seeing changes within myself, I'd numb up, just like I did on that bus.And for decades, I'll be unable to see positive changes that others say they see when looking at me.
The deeper the imprint of subconscious pain, the harder it is to unlock the block.
As long my mind's eye remains numb to puberty's changes, I'll keep guys at an arm's length away. And none will have a clue that beneath my quick wit and fun-loving smile, a hot spot of 'intangible anxiety' causes my head to (unknowingly) hang in shame.
Wow! Amen to my understanding all of that—finally!
The fact that I knew this block existed is one side of a coin.
As you shall see, getting that coin to flip will be far from easy. Why?
Trusting myself to free myself from decades of coiled fear will be quite a feat!
Hopefully, today's endless train of thought is chugging toward an expanded comfort zone where fear of unresolved pain will not push my mind away from where my heart wants to go. In short, my conscious mind is like the engineer, stoking the engine of a train, lugging cars filled with baggage, wherever I go. And this train pulls into each next station, both sides of my brain need to agree as to which cars to keep pulling forward and which baggage is ready to unload.
In short, I'm on a quest to stop subconscious insecurity from sabotaging today's heartfelt goals.
When my path is blocked by emotional conflict, today
I tunnel to identify a wrestling match
Between denial and reality
And once a buried fear pops up
Denial says uncle
And thus does this step by step process
Of transformation
Expand my internal comfort zone, again.
Each time yesterday's vulnerabilities buddy up with strengths that I've worked to develop, today, insecurity gives way to self confidence, and clarity offers me clearance to move ahead.
Wow! Amen to my understanding all of that—finally!
The fact that I knew this block existed is one side of a coin.
As you shall see, getting that coin to flip will be far from easy. Why?
Trusting myself to free myself from decades of coiled fear will be quite a feat!
Hopefully, today's endless train of thought is chugging toward an expanded comfort zone where fear of unresolved pain will not push my mind away from where my heart wants to go. In short, my conscious mind is like the engineer, stoking the engine of a train, lugging cars filled with baggage, wherever I go. And this train pulls into each next station, both sides of my brain need to agree as to which cars to keep pulling forward and which baggage is ready to unload.
In short, I'm on a quest to stop subconscious insecurity from sabotaging today's heartfelt goals.
When my path is blocked by emotional conflict, today
I tunnel to identify a wrestling match
Between denial and reality
And once a buried fear pops up
Denial says uncle
And thus does this step by step process
Of transformation
Expand my internal comfort zone, again.
Each time yesterday's vulnerabilities buddy up with strengths that I've worked to develop, today, insecurity gives way to self confidence, and clarity offers me clearance to move ahead.
Seriously—is there a woman alive who does not believe she needs to lose, let's say, five pounds? (Unless you're five pounds too thin? Oh. I forgot. We can't be too rich or too thin.) When the subject is self acceptance, how body conscious does society insist we be?
Regardless of gender, which part of your reflection turns your smile upside down? Remember how Beef Steak humiliated String Bean while Bathing Beauties preened? How 'bad' do you feel about yourself when thumbing through magazines, where waifs model high fashion on one page while the facing page highlights every eating disorder imaginable?
What do yesterday's whale bone corsets have in common with exercising to perfection in the gym? We choke down inner conflict concerning body image at every turn. And society's attitude concerning 'The Situation' is confounding, to say the least.
Regardless of gender, which part of your reflection turns your smile upside down? Remember how Beef Steak humiliated String Bean while Bathing Beauties preened? How 'bad' do you feel about yourself when thumbing through magazines, where waifs model high fashion on one page while the facing page highlights every eating disorder imaginable?
What do yesterday's whale bone corsets have in common with exercising to perfection in the gym? We choke down inner conflict concerning body image at every turn. And society's attitude concerning 'The Situation' is confounding, to say the least.
When we 'feel bad' (about ourselves), any change in status feels scary. Common sense suggests that we fear any change in which we feel diminished, insignificant, dumb. Too smart. Too tall. Too short. Too loud. Too shy. Too brassy. Too mousy. Too rich. Too poor. Too young. Too old. Or just plain naked, when the emotional flaws, scabs, and scars of others seem well dressed, less stressed. In short, we fear any perception that makes us feel like strangers to—ourselves. However, here's the rub: the shields that we need to stave off danger at one stage of life screw with our relationships down the road.
I mean why is a bad hair day a bad day? What makes a white head feel like a snow capped mountain on the tip of your nose. Why did gorgeous Romeo climb up the vine to clasp Juliette to his breast while Cyrano gazed longingly up at true love from behind a bush?
Insecurity is TNT—and all that's needed for liquid nitro to explode is a poke at a hot spot. While poking at hot spots left searingly raw, it's wise to jump back in case lava, composed of combustible insecurity, spews forth from the well at your core. Bottom line, before I can write the end of this story, internal combustion, newly exposed, must cool down, or I'll not be able to express my experience in words that ring true.
Insecurity is TNT—and all that's needed for liquid nitro to explode is a poke at a hot spot. While poking at hot spots left searingly raw, it's wise to jump back in case lava, composed of combustible insecurity, spews forth from the well at your core. Bottom line, before I can write the end of this story, internal combustion, newly exposed, must cool down, or I'll not be able to express my experience in words that ring true.
Though I can write around latent insecurity pounding through my heart, I don't trust myself to due justice to my story while inner demons are on the loose. (By the way, once demons unleash on both sides, couples (siblings, families, friends, organizations, governments, and nations) can't help but divide into separate camps.)
As tension builds and I itch to get out of my skin, solution seeking stalls—until:
THE POWER OF KNOWLEDGE lights up the dark side of my brain.
Each time knowledge empowers clarity, negativity transforms into objectivity, and I walk out of another hazy maze in 'one piece'. Bottom line: Each time I leave DENIAL behind, I feel strong and whole. Relieved. Relaxed. At one with myself. At peace. Ahhhhhhhh! Growth feels soooooo good!
Each time denial pops up in some aspect of my life—
Anxiety signals me to grow more deeply aware—for this reason:
One stage of human development rolls into the next until the circle of life—ends.
(This may be a good time to break ... again)
Section 5
Since we live in a fast food world with little patience for any step by step process, It can be difficult to recover from PT SS (post traumatic stress syndrome). As in: Get over it, already! Get over what? How can we get over a subconscious fear when our defense mechanisms hide the key that unlocks the door, behind which we keep secrets from ourselves?
During this process of personal growth, I sometimes feel like I'm playing with fire after being severely burnt.
Good thing it takes a wild fire, filled with smokescreens, to knock my spirit out.
If that seems like bad news, here's why it's not: Until recently, I'd no clue that two bullies who go by the names of—Mental Confusion and Emotional Insecurity—had declared war on the good health of my relationship with myself.
Today, I work toward clarity in order to accept myself as a whole.
As I come to understand the process of change more deeply, coils of tension release, and every fiber within me sighs with relief.
In short, personal growth breeds peace of mind
When a couple at war comes to understand this bridge building process, their story does not have to end with: 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.' I mean, Margaret Mitchell gave Scarlett the last word in her novel for good reason: 'Tomorrow is another day.'
In short, the dance of romance need not end—unless one remains blocked and the other loses all sense of hope.
If love is to thrive then each love bird must be held accountable for the destructive nature of singing out with negative assumptions, leading to misjudgments. As for me, I plum wore out from trying to slay my loved ones' fire breathing, subconscious dragons.
Do you know why it's impossible to unlock another person's mental block?
It's work enough to identify my defense mechanisms, peel away my protective layers and unblock myself!
Though unlocking blocks can be a daunting task, here is why the gain is worth the pain:
The prize is an expansive life and more time spent with peace of mind.
During this process of personal growth, I sometimes feel like I'm playing with fire after being severely burnt.
Good thing it takes a wild fire, filled with smokescreens, to knock my spirit out.
If that seems like bad news, here's why it's not: Until recently, I'd no clue that two bullies who go by the names of—Mental Confusion and Emotional Insecurity—had declared war on the good health of my relationship with myself.
Today, I work toward clarity in order to accept myself as a whole.
As I come to understand the process of change more deeply, coils of tension release, and every fiber within me sighs with relief.
In short, personal growth breeds peace of mind
When a couple at war comes to understand this bridge building process, their story does not have to end with: 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.' I mean, Margaret Mitchell gave Scarlett the last word in her novel for good reason: 'Tomorrow is another day.'
In short, the dance of romance need not end—unless one remains blocked and the other loses all sense of hope.
If love is to thrive then each love bird must be held accountable for the destructive nature of singing out with negative assumptions, leading to misjudgments. As for me, I plum wore out from trying to slay my loved ones' fire breathing, subconscious dragons.
Do you know why it's impossible to unlock another person's mental block?
It's work enough to identify my defense mechanisms, peel away my protective layers and unblock myself!
Though unlocking blocks can be a daunting task, here is why the gain is worth the pain:
The prize is an expansive life and more time spent with peace of mind.
(Break time?)
Section 6
Though my stories may inspire hope, none will offer fairy tale endings, because:
Change/Conflict/Confusion/Crises/Clarity/Progress/Recovery is a tough nut to crack.
At this point, I fear that having spent so much time pondering insecurity, undermining clarity, I may have worn out my welcome, today. I mean who wants to smell like a three day old fish?
Though my stories may inspire hope, none will offer fairy tale endings, because:
Change/Conflict/Confusion/Crises/Clarity/Progress/Recovery is a tough nut to crack.
At this point, I fear that having spent so much time pondering insecurity, undermining clarity, I may have worn out my welcome, today. I mean who wants to smell like a three day old fish?
In truth, I've been on a roll. So with your permission, I'll process forward until the fat lady sings at the end of this post. As you can see, I can't force this mental block to unlock until readiness allows me to revisit the most humiliating (demeaning) moment I remember as a child.
Thank goodness, the intelligent, self confident side of my mind has been soaking up the patience and courage necessary to poke at this hot spot until the ghost of that bully haunts me less and less.
I'd no clue how bitter my shame until this story choked inside my brain.
Debased and conflicted, I didn't know that I'd unknowingly failed to free the damsel in distress for most of my life.
Thank goodness, the intelligent, self confident side of my mind has been soaking up the patience and courage necessary to poke at this hot spot until the ghost of that bully haunts me less and less.
I'd no clue how bitter my shame until this story choked inside my brain.
Debased and conflicted, I didn't know that I'd unknowingly failed to free the damsel in distress for most of my life.
Though I didn't know how to consciously work to conquer latent fear, I do now.
Standing tall and whole at 5'2'', I feel significant rather than screwy.
While working to dismantle denial and finish this story, I've gain clarity concerning this trauma.
In short when my sense of readiness goes toe to toe with the bully, no part of my head will hang in shame.
And when the humiliated child is free at last—free at last—my mind will lighten up enough to bring this story to an end. And at that time, I hope you can imagine my appreciation embracing you for riding sidekick so supportively. Whew! That's a load off my mind.
After I rest and play for a spell, we'll see how close we've come to that bus.
By the way, if you've been getting help with a problem for quite a while, and if the problem keeps getting worse, what puzzle piece might you (or whoever is helping you) be missing???
As Jim Rohn (businessman/author) states:
To solve any problem, here are three questions to ask yourself: First, What can I do? Second, What can I read? And Third, Who can I ask?I'd add: What fear needs to unmask?
From now on, when PT SS tries to derail my train, I won't let the fearful side of my mind steal my goals from my whole.
Once again, if anything I write seems convoluted, you may choose to stop reading and return to that post several days later, because each time I review an older post, I tend to see thoughts in need of tweaking.
Or better yet as conversation stimulates mutual growth, you may choose to ask me a question or shoot me a comment, knowing that I'm eager to consider whatever's on your mind.
Oh yes—one more thing: when it comes to those five pounds—well facts are facts, my friend,—and in fact, I'll be a woman for the rest of my life. So if wishful thinking was my game, I'd stuff five pounds into an envelope and mail it to some tall, bullied, bean pole of a child, who'll probably grow up to walk a runway or dunk a ball, while dancing with the stars.
On the other hand, if I'm about to buddy up with reality then I'll muster the courage to face a dressing room mirror and disrobe with bathing suit in hand ...
On the other hand, if I'm about to buddy up with reality then I'll muster the courage to face a dressing room mirror and disrobe with bathing suit in hand ...
As for now, my body and I are off to the mall!
Your friend, Annie :-)
