Saturday, April 30, 2022

TIS NINE MONTHS PAST MY LAST LUNG SURGERY

 Having begun physical therapy (following

My three year struggle to survive

Many months of chemo therapy that

Proved so harsh as to see me admitted to

The hospital on an emergency basis for

Blood transfusions, several times, as well as

Having survived three life-saving

Heart and lung surgeries, all within

One year’s time), hopefully

We’ll see my stamina increase so that

Rather than being a surviver

I can, once again, feel like a thriver

As has been true every time

Life has thrown a curve ball that—

Has hit me in the head at

A speed so jarring as to have

Temporarily knocked out

My lights, awaking me to

My need to keep my eye trained on

My heartfelt goal, which

Currently, sees me winning over

This series of cancerous setbacks so as

To go forth toward reclaiming

My good health—Once and for all

Today is my quarterly Chest CT scan

So with no time to waste

Let’s wish me well

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️Annie


Thursday, April 28, 2022

PHYSICAL THERAPY IS GOING GREAT

Today, as we’d worked on increasing my stamina,

My physical therapist said I did super.😊

Home now.  Ready for snack.  Followed by nap.

Please bear with me.  Once accustomed to

Physical therapy, my mind is sure to remain

Awake, feeling eager to writeπŸ₯±

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

‘AYE-AYE-AYE’

 I hope you’ll have patience with me.

(as does my storyteller, who longs to

Take us back to high school, asap)

I’m on my way home from physical therapy (PT)

I really liked my therapist,  and

I’m eager to work with her, again

I’m just leaving the shopping center with Will

(I stayed in the car as is my habit since COVID)

I want to surprise Andi, this evening, with

One of her favorite wines, which

I plan to chill (before lying down, being that

I’ve tired out and need to nap) before

I fetch the chilled Sauvignon Blanc, which

I’ll place in Andi’s hand, once we arrive and

I enjoy matzoh-brie with our best friends and Will

(I know—we four did the same, last week), and

I’ll also enjoy tonight’s NBA play-off game though

I find this worrisome:  Our best shooter is benched

I must admit to not knowing why

I decided to begin every sentence with an ‘I’, but

I can tell you this for certain:

I’m off to Napland, now, so—Ta-ta

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie


Monday, April 25, 2022

“PLEASE—CAN WE MEET, TOMORROW?”

 On Saturday  something took hold of me—

It was as if I could not wait another day!

So I texted Tony, who has cut and colored my hair

For 41 years, and he texted me back, ”Yes!

I can meet you at the salon on Sunday,” and

Then he continued with, “Will must be

Due for a haircut, so let’s.plan on that, too.”

So that’s what we did, yesterday, being as

I’m just not ready to be a gray haired

Lady, at least not yet.  Nor will

My hair style remain at its current length

Because shoulder length is what feels

Wholly natural to me, though

I must admit to the fact that, having been

Bald twice, during this past year and a half

Suggests why my patience with

My hair’s slo-mo growth remains fully intact

I mean, seriously, when the subject

Happens to be hair

I’m just glad to have it back!

And as we’re on our way to Mayo for

My blood draw and quarterly PET scan

That’s a wrap for today

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Sunday, April 24, 2022

FATIGUE

To some, one’s lost sense of peace of mind is regained by way of Dancing.  Singing.  Painting.  Writing. Bicycling.  Running.  Swimming.  Writing.  And so on.

I’m sure you get my drift.

Having slept till noon, yesterday, followed by sleeping, off and on, while watching NBA play-off games with Will—I’ve begun to wonder if this on-going fatigue may be cause for concern.

Battery of scans, scheduled every three months at Mayo begins on Monday.  Wish me well …

πŸ‘©πŸ»Annie

Friday, April 22, 2022

AWAITING RESULTS

Early this morning, Barry’s sweetheart, Marie, underwent a procedure to biopsy ‘something’ seen during an ultrasound of her uterus.  Now, with hopes for polyps, we await results.

At the tender age of ten, Marie watched her beloved mother succumb to breast cancer. Sadly, her mother’s life had been cut short being that she was in her early forties.  As Marie’s parents had divorced and as her father (who’d grown up in Boys Town) had remarried—more than once—Marie, who’d mothered her eight year old sister, Corrine, had to comfort herself during the years following a child’s greatest loss.

 When you are so fortunate as to love a lot of people—it’s always something—which is why a peaceful day is cause for acknowledging a quiet sense of personal gratitude for small blessings …

πŸ‘©πŸ»πŸ™πŸ»Annie

Thursday, April 21, 2022

ASKING YOUR INDULGENCE—HAKUNA MATATA

 May I respectfully ask your indulgence, as additional insights were added to yesterday’s post within a train of thought concerning our communal need to consciously deepen our awareness of suffering that exists within our midst, which can be relieved once the stubbornness associated with false pride is set aside, freeing the compassionate side of human nature to flow forth so naturally as to replace a complacent sense of indifference to the pain of ‘others’ with a heartfelt sensitivity to proactivity based in the fact that though we find our species within the animal kingdom that does not pardon us from snarling (like Uncle Scar) while concocting mean-minded, power-hungry. cold-blooded plans. So, if you will consent to scrolling back … nuff said.  Please and thank you


       My innocent sweet little lion cub, ears and tail

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️Annie

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

IF YOU THINK I DWELL TOO LONG ON KVELLING …

Last week, I felt driven to accomplish too much for my current level of energy to accommodate without fending off exhaustion more quickly, this week, than I can believe.

Even so, I’m happy to know that all visible clutter, which had piled up over these past three years of illness, is now boxed (thanks to Will) and ready for Sojourner Center in our garage—

I just high-five’d with myself! Haha!

This past Thursday (following my enjoyment of Ravi, last Wednesday). I’d thoroughly enjoyed my Shakespeare class via Zoom after which I’d rested before setting our Passover table for twelve with Will.  And though that simple task saw me so short of breath as to be in need of lying down, I’d felt giddy with happiness to see our dining room table looking so festive in anticipation of co-hosting with Will as our  celebration of Seder in our home had followed years of having been too ill to have felt anything other than need to do whatever it took to recover my good health.

With hopes that your day is going well, my morning will be spent relaxing in the afterglow of reminiscing over readying my home and my spirit’s smile to offer our loved ones a warm welcome upon opening our front door to usher honored guests into our home, at long last.

Though my thoughts about all holidays run deep, never before has my mind contemplated my devotion to freedom, day after day after day—Perhaps in light of the advancement of my age and my freedom from three years of life-threatening illness and the plight of the Ukrainian people, a trio of primary reasons for prolonging the present focus of my thought processor have just become exquisitely clear to me and so—

If you think I am dwelling too long on kvelling (rejoicing) over my happiness by highlighting my ability to co-host our holiday with Will, please keep in mind that the magnitude of this change for the better has been a long time coming.

My next PET scan is less than two weeks away, which gives me pause to consider the fact that t’was nine months after my first heart/lung surgery that the tumor reappeared.  As presently, I am nine months past my most recent lung surgery, it is my choice to freely rejoice over my returning good health for as long as I can—unless the results of my scheduled medical tests prove otherwise …

As with all Wednesdays, the hour hand on my old fashioned watch suggests that our afternoon with Ravi is close at hand, so I’ll close for today after offering up an anecdote, the memory of which always makes me chuckle—many years ago, on a weekend when Passover and Easter held hands, my sons begged us for bunnies (just as I’d once begged my parents for chicks  which grew to be roosters).

The fact that I’m allergic to dogs answers why our sons had a menagerie of pets while growing up. So we gave into our boys’ plea to raise baby bunnies in the comfort of a large mesh hutch, shaded from direct sunlight under an overhang that extended at least six feet past the brick wall of our home into the expanse of our grassy back yard, and at first, these soft fluffy bunnies, well protected from hungry, four-footed predators, were the cutest, and all was well.

Much to our surprise with the passage of time, Steven’s bunny sprouted sky-high ears, proving itself to be a wild hare!🀦🏻‍♀️ Believe me when I say that this rabbit did not remotely resemble Bambi’s cuddly, super friendly, forestland buddy, Thumper, in the least!  This wild hare’s attitude was—Hey you guys!  Get me outta here!  And rightly so!

Nine year old Steven had to wear a leather jacket and ski gloves in hopes of holding his ‘pet’ in his lap without getting scratched, bitten or soundly thumped by a pair of muscular hind legs, suggestive of his wild hare’s instinctive demands to be set free, asap!

Unfortunately, the lifespan of our boys’ bunnies proved quite short, indeed, but that’s a sad tale for another day, so all I’ll say for now is that my instinctive sensitivity to any living creature in captivity has had sound reason to heighten my awareness concerning freedom from oppression, so that my spirit saddens whenever my thoughts dwell upon any and all species of the animal kingdom confined within cages for their entire lifetimes for the sake of our amusement.

Imagine the mean-minded, power hungry, cold hearted presence of Uncle Scar symbolizing mankind’s brutal denial of brotherhood as seen within The Lion King’s basic need to live free of oppressive murderous captivity.

Now imagine the outraged roars of Mufasa, Nala and Simba stalked, caught and confined within a man-made enclosure leading to nothing more than an iron-barred cage.  Their lush jungle life reduced to a life sentence within a city zoo.  Forever imprisoned.  No chance for parole.  Separated from Timon and Pumba—two of the best friends a little lost lion cub could ever hope to have.  Not a sequel that any parent or child would care to see, so thank goodness for the real sequel, which Ravi and I have thoroughly enjoyed, countless times, each time ending with positively focused reassurances that the personal ‘pride’ naturally inherent within every creature’s struggle for freedom rings true, repeatedly, from one generation to the next. πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️Annie

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

AND WHAT OF LEADERSHIP ON THE PART OF BIBLICAL WOMEN?

 Too tired to pen my thoughts but not too tired to laugh!

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️πŸ˜„

Monday, April 18, 2022

HOPE AS A HEALER

 Did we take a chance?

By welcoming family and friends

To celebrate Seder round

Our festive, traditionally

Decked out dining room table?

Yes we did

Why?

Because intuition insisted that

Doing so would be so

Restorative to

Everyone’s spirits (after

Years of fearing

Catching COVID) that

Prepping to celebrate

Our heartfelt devotion to

Let freedom ring with

Family and friends

Somehow saw me

Turning a corner where

My positively focused spirit

Surged ever so naturally toward

The joyful awareness that

Good health may

Actually be offering me

A new lease on life

Suggesting that—

Along with

Medical science—

Hope may be as potent

A healer as is true of love

And as with all things—

Time will tally this

Decision to

Gather together, thus

Following the dictates of

My heart

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️πŸ₯°Annie

PS   Though today saw my mind and body in need of a three hour nap, my spirit continues to sport a well-satisfied smile.  And the fact that my home is uncluttered, wherever, by chance, my glance lands, is truly a bonus as I be a natural neat-nut, through and through😊

Have I mentioned that the clothes in my closet offered up a standing ovation upon my choice of a graceful, purple long-sleeved silk blouse, its natural shimmer enhanced by diamond solitaires, one sparkling at my throat and a pair, one in each ear, with a ruby/diamond tennis bracelet encircling my wrist, and my only choice of adornment for my hand, my narrow gold wedding band.  With narrow black pants and silver slippers, I’d felt ‘party-ready’ (actually glam) to enjoy hosting a holiday that had proved deeply meaningful and delightfully memorable in the most enjoyable way for the first time in years.  From now on, each time I wear a beautiful gift from Will round my neck, wrist, finger or ear, my heart will smile at the memory of which loved one is now designated the recipient of that jewel once I have grown so very old as to readily leave life behind after gifting each of my loved ones with a momento that would have already been theirs for many years had my recovery not gone as well as has thus far proved true. 

Before today’s lengthy nap, Edie, my right hand companion stopped in for a spell in which she ‘n I enjoyed conversation over coffee, as had been customary for 41 years until COVID made shut-ins of us, all.

As for now, the savory aroma of chicken soup simmering with chopped turkey and carrot slices floating amidst a light as air matzoh ball has been wafting through our home, enticing my taste buds to implore me to end this PS so as to head toward our uncluttered kitchen so as to enjoy dinner with Will, tout suite 😊

Sunday, April 17, 2022

A PEACEFUL CO-EXISTENCE OF HOLIDAYS, TODAY

 Happy Passover

Happy Easter

Somehow, my heart feels happy to know that holidays, which sometimes slide together, are being enjoyed, simultaneously, worldwide.

 While we honor tradition so as to commemorate freedoms won in the past, we welcome change for the better in hopes that the day will dawn when a peaceful co-existence is enjoyed throughout the world.

Whether you are celebrating Passover, Easter or a holiday with which I am as yet unfamiliar, I hope your heart is filled with an abundance of love as our respect for diversity makes the world a better place in which to raise our children, who will be tomorrow’s leaders.

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️❤️Annie

Saturday, April 16, 2022

AFTERGLOW

 Throughout last night’s Seder, love, happiness and gratitude filled our home.

Ravi remembered every detail that we’d read and discussed, together, last week, and she reassured me of her awareness when Elijah’s spirit flew into the room.  I watched Steven marvel at Ravi’s knowledgeable attentiveness throughout our festive yet meaningful Seder.

Our holiday feast was catered, and everyone pitched in—I did nothing but sit and smile.  Even so, I slept 12 hours, straight, last night.

The reality of hosting and celebrating a holiday in our home, after three years of serious illness, filled me with pleasure that proved beyond measure.  At this time last year, my second round of chemo with surgery to follow were directly ahead.  Hopefully, my three year struggle to survive is behind us as the future beckons, ever so kindly, offering years of thriving in good health. 

Today, I can do bothing more than rest, while basking in the afterglow of having shared in the hosting of a traditional, yet child-friendly (frogs here, frogs there, frogs jumping everywhere) holiday, amidst loved ones, with Will.

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Friday, April 15, 2022

PASSOVER EVE COMETH

It comes as

No surprise that

I take great pride in

My Jewish heritage

And so—though

Small in number

The Jewish people may be—

Largess of spirit is

What we shall agree

To offer to thee

As has been true

Throughout our history

And that’s all

I have time

To say for today as

Passover is on its way

And I have much to do

That cannot wait till later—

As later, I hope to

Relax before welcoming

Our family and friends to

Enjoy partaking in

Our deeply meaningful

Festive Seder in

Celebration of

Let freedom ring

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Thursday, April 14, 2022

TODAY, THE DAY BEFORE SEDER

 First of all

Yesterday was such fun with

Ravi, when after school

My kindhearted grand daughter and

I, cuddling up on

My bed, thoroughly enjoyed

An open-the flap storybook in which

A present-day family enjoys

Seder on one page while

On the next, a family

Fleeing slavery during

Biblical times is seen

Seated in a circle

On the ground

Baking matzoh ‘neath

The desert’s blazing hot sun

“How many days till

Our Seder,” asks Ravi

Just two, I reply

Oh goody! exclaims

My sweet seven -year-old

Grand daughter, because

I can’t wait to answer

The four questions and

Watch for Elijah and

See frogs jumping

Here, there, everywhere

And I want to find

The ‘ahacoma’ (afikomen)

And we’ll all be happy that

We are free from

Slavery!”

My reaction—

While preparing for Passover as

Seen through

The wondrous eyes of

A clever child’s

Eager receptivity of

Our family’s soon-to-be

Celebration of

The Jewish people’s

Flight toward freedom

Ravi’s gramma has been

Gifted with

A traditional sense of

Heartfelt satisfaction

And with that said

Tis time to ready myself

To thoroughly enjoy

My Shakespeare class

Via Zoom

So—ta ta!

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

WHY DOES THANKSGIVING COME TO MIND?

Though David does not plan to drive home from the west coast for Passover, he is attending a Seder, this year.

Every year, Barry conducts a Seder for Marie’s whole family (none of whom are Jewish).  12 year old Tony and 10 year old Ray attend two Seders, being that their stepmother is Jewish.

I’m eager to celebrate with Ravi, being that she’s taken such a personal interest in our escape from slavery.  She decided that it’s too hard for her to read the four questions with fluency (her first grade class is behind in reading as their year in kindergarten was nonexistent), so she’d like to answer the questions when each is asked.  I continue to feel in awe of my 7 year old grand daughter’s sense of creative thinking whenever an inventive solution to a problem is sought.

I’m tickled at how much Ravi wanted to make sure that Elijah’s cup is in front of her place setting, so she can keep an eye out for the appearance of his (her) benevolent spirit, noted by the cup filled with wine emptying outπŸ₯°  Ravi informed me that being invisible, the spirit of Elijah may actually be a girl.  When our heads are not filled with princesses, genies and fairies, I’m continually surprised by the mindful depths of our conversations.

Before this week, Ravi had no understanding of Passover, at all.  I was amazed at her expressive depths of interest in Jewish families seeking freedom in ancient times from the cold blooded brutality of slavery as we cuddled on my bed, reading storybook after storybook about Moses, Pharaoh, plagues and the parting of The Red Sea followed by watching the animated film, Prince of Egypt, followed by emptying the cabinet (so she could find Elijah’s cup) in my dining room buffet in which is stored child-friendly Haggadahs and every traditional plate, cup, etc. in readiness for our Seder on Friday.

I’m eager to see if Elijah’s cup still holds Ravi’s attention, today😊

Little by little, day by day, I’ve continued to unclutter.  Amazing what having invited friends into our house can motivate the mind to get done.

Before cancer, my home had been so well kept as to be company ready at a moment’s notice, and hopefully, that will be true as I continue to regain the energy that accompanies good health😊

I’m smiling, because, today, being Wednesday, Ravi will be with us, after school.  We’ll see if she’s as eager to set our holiday table as she’d hoped to do on Sunday (so as to place Elijah’s cup as close as possible to her eagle eye—haha), but we ran out of time, being that Sunday was a school night.

OK.  Got to get a bit more uncluttering out of the way.

Oh wait!

 I just realized that if the celebration of Passover is cause for giving thanks for freedom from aggressive oppression then, to my way of thinking, our family celebrates the holiday of Thanksgiving more than once within a year’s time.  You see, a variety of Jewish holidays are based in giving thanks for the bountiful harvest of the soul that accompanies mankind’s timeless universal need to ‘govern ourselves’, as seen when we celebrate Purim, Passover and Chanukah.

Purim commemorates Jewish survival and freedom from aggressive oppression in ancient Persia (Iran).

Passover commemorates Jewish survival and freedom from aggressive oppression in ancient Egypt.

Chanukah commemorates Jewish survival and freedom from aggressive oppression during the “second centuryB.C.in Jerusalem, where the Jewish people rose up against their Greek-Syrian oppressors in the Maccabean Revolt.”

So now you get it, right?  The primary reason why my favorite Jewish ‘joke’ rings true in terms of describing the frequency with which we’ve found it imperative, throughout history, to regain our freedom from aggressive oppressors so as to govern ourselves and live in peace with our neighbors, just as I hope will play true for the Ukrainian people, right now—

They tried to kill us.  We won.  Let’s eat.

How long will the Ukrainian people feel forced to fight to the death for their freedom from aggressive oppression before humanity takes a proactive stand is solidarity to aid these innocent men, women and children by engaging with Putin head to head,  so that world leaders stop this cold blooded dictator in his tracks, knowing that, otherwise, the aggressor will not pull back his army and tanks on his own?  If visions of history repeating itself via WWI and WWII do not stick in our minds then what is in store for all of us who mistakenly believe we can act like ostriches, over long, yet again?  So says your pacifist friend, who has garnered the courage necessary to stare, today’s harsh reality in the face, knowing full well that we who observe that which proves fearsome, overseas, inhabit a small small world …

Oven timer, signaling my roasted egg (to be placed on our Seder plate) being ready for inspection, is going off.

πŸ‘©πŸ»Annie

Tuesday, April 12, 2022

SEDER IS LIKE AN ODE TO FEEEDOM

 Currently, I am an every-other-day person.  This means that if I am quietly active one day, the next sees my energy level running on empty.

Knowing this to be true, that’s actually a great improvement over these past three years in which my energy level lingered around empty, every day.

Knowing this to be true, I’ll be sure to rest throughout the day on Thursday of this week in readiness to co-host our family’s Seder with Will on Friday.

Knowing this to be true, I’m glad that Wednesday proves to be the day that we look forward to picking Ravi up from school being that I’ll not let anything interfere with our pleasure while spending time with our grand daughter, midweek.

Knowing this to be true  I’ll go easy, today, this being Tuesday, the day before we enjoy Wednesday with Ravi, because following last Sunday’s experience, when she and I had thoroughly enjoyed preparing our hearts, minds and spirits for our Seder, my energy level was plum wore out on Monday, which was yesterday to be exact.

Knowing all of the above to be true, I appreciate my good fortune of enjoying time well-spent with our precious  seven year old grand daughter while planning, very carefully, how best to save my energy from running out, over the rest of this week, so as to enjoy co-hosting our Seder with Will (as has not been remotely possible ever since the last time that Ravi had rolled matzoh balls and basted our brisket with savory red wine gravy at Gramma’s house when she’d been four years old).

Hoping (rather than knowing) that physical therapy, beginning at the end of this month, will enhance my lung capacity, thus raising my energy level from low to normal, I’m hopeful that I have planned out the rest of this week, preceding our deeply meaningful, festive Passover Seder (which happens to fall on the Sabbath), so as to maintain a sense of control over my current low level of energy until our guests depart for their homes on Friday night, at which time, the weekend will stretch out before me offering as much time as will be needed to regain mental and physical energy expended while the afterglow of the creation of our Passover Seder feels like the creation of an ode to freedom of religion as believed to be self-evident by law-abiding citizens, throughout the USA.

And just as I am thankful for my on-going return to good health, I am thankful for living life to the fullest extent of my current ability in the home of the brave and the land of the free.

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️πŸ™‚Annie

Monday, April 11, 2022

A CUP FOR THE PROPHET ELIJAH

 Yesterday afternoon proved idyllic as Steven and Ravi brought lunch, which was enjoyed by all four of us followed by Steven relaxing in our living-room with Will while Ravi and I cuddled up on my king sized bed with a small pile of picture books, all related to some aspect of Passover, which she and I are eager to celebrate with our family and friends, this week.

One book concentrated on the story of Moses liberating Jewish families from slavery in ancient Egypt.  Another concentrated upon our symbolic Seder plate and our Haggadahs (the book that will be laid at each place setting around our dinner table, so everyone can take turns participating in reading the Passover story aloud before feasting on each of our traditional courses— charozets, hard boiled eggs, gefilte fish, light as air matzoh balls floating in chicken soup, brisket’n gravy, roasted potatoes, a green veggie, sweet carrots, cranberry sauce, pickles and olives and matzoh—no bread to be seen, anywhere.  Honey cake, macaroons, and fresh fruit salad for dessert).

Preceding cancer and COVID, Ravi (then four years old) helped me roll the matzoh balls and baste the brisket with savory red wine gravy before placing our succulent main course into the oven to bake for several hours until tender, just as she and I had enjoyed doing the same for Rosh Hashanah.  This year, as my low energy level does not allow for preparing breakfast for myself much less a feast for twelve, our dinner will be catered.  This is a great improvement over the past two years when our Seder was Zoomed.

Another book that we enjoyed was just plain silly as each page showed us frogs here, frogs there, frogs jumping everywhere (introducing the ten plagues that had rained down on Pharaoh’s ancient Egypt—none of which were funny, at all, each time Moses, raising his staff toward the heavens above, commanded Pharaoh to—LET MY PEOPLE GO!  To which Pharaoh replied—NO! NO! NO!  I WILL NOT LET THEM GO!)

The fourth book we read to each other proved to be Ravi’s favorite, because she loves anything magical in nature.  This award-winning storybook, titled The Passover Guest, is about a very poor Jewish girl in 1929, who had a magical encounter with the prophet, Elijah …

After enjoying these storybooks, together, Ravi and I continued to cuddle while watching the animated film, Prince of Egypt, on my iPad, followed by coloring paper plates as if they were Seder plates at my kitchen table (Ravi’s idea), and just before it was time for Steven and Ravi to head home for supper, my sweet, seven year old grand daughter and I sat on the area rug in my dining room so as to fetch everything we’d need for our Seder (this Friday) out of the buffet cabinet, and upon placing the cup for Elijah into Ravi’s super careful hands, my precious grand daughter, who proves as inquisitive with me as I’d been with my grandmothers, asked if Elijah’s cup could be placed on the table near to the chair designated as her own, so she can keep an eye on it to see when the wine poured into the prophet’s cup has been drunk—and with a smile playing about my lips, my beloved grand daughter’s doting Gramma Annie replied with a chuckle:  of course—and as soon as you spy the spirit of Elijah hovering over our Seder table, please wink at me, so I can delight in seeing this ancient spirit before he slips away to honor every family’s Seder table (of which there are many millions, throughout the world) with his benevolent presence.  And as Ravi loves a secret as well as the magical miracles that had freed Jewish families from slavery, her seven year old smile beamed at mine as we’d spontaneously high-fived.

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Sunday, April 10, 2022

THOUGHTS OF FREEDOM OFFER EVEN DEEPER MEANING TO OUR SEDER

A quiet morning.  I just finished watching One Survivor Remembers—Gerda Weissmann Klein’s Oscar winning documentary.

Thank goodness my maternal grandparents chose to emigrate from Russia and my paternal grandparents chose to emigrate from Poland before Hitler’s mercurial rise to power (similar to Trump’s chilling rise, freeing the worst side of human nature to rumble, threateningly through our streets up to and inclusive of today.)

Gulp—

Good thing we live in a democracy in the southwestern desert, so I can walk outside, inhale fresh air and clear my mind of yesteryear’s darkly clouded history as golden beams of sunshine—streaming heartwarming thoughts of my freedom to create a lovely, sumptuous deeply meaningful Seder for beloved family and treasured friends on Shabbat of this coming week—offer my frown sound reason to turn around, freeing my spirit’s smile to sparkle with the same joie d’vive as had been true of Gerda Weissmann Klein once Kurt had opened the door, ushering a courageous young woman to go forth from savage slavery (just as Joheved and Miriam, having been enslaved during biblical times, fled from the whips of Pharaoh’s soldiers) so as to leave personal suffering, starvation and her daily struggle to survive brutality beyond belief behind (as has been true of the Jewish people in perpetuity) in favor of fully embracing her love of life, family, and freedom, which, in turn, inspired Gerda’s offspring (one of whom is my dear friend of 46 years, Vivian) to emulate both of their parents’ hopeful sense of resiliency so as to thrive from one generation to the next—bringing to mind my favorite Jewish ‘joke’ of all time:

They tried to kill us

We won

Let’s eat

                           Gerda and Kurt Klein




            To Life!  L’Chaim! To Liberty!  Equality!
               And the pursuit of happiness!  Amen!
                                     πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️Annie

Saturday, April 9, 2022

ITS A SMALL SMALL WORLD

 Ever since hearing the sad news of Gerda’s passing, I’ve found myself drawn, day after day, to one video after another of Gerda’s charismatic delivery of her personal, heart wrenching experiences so inhumane as to see me utterly mesmerized by the dynamic strength of character necessary for Vivian’s mother to stand and speak from podiums throughout the world while quietly describing the enslaved, starved, broken hearted young girl she had been, who, having been brutalized within unbearable captivity by the Nazis for years, had endured a freezing death march of 350 miles, over three excruciating months, that saw only 120 women (of the thousands who had literally been walked to death), survive so as to find herself herded roughly into an empty factory where Gerda had known that the Nazis had planned to blow up these skeletal inmates—however—

Rather than having been murdered in cold blood as had been true of her beloved family, friends and millions of Jewish families across Europe, my friend Vivian’s beloved mother had been liberated by rainfall (defusing the bomb), followed by the arrival of a jeep in which two American soldiers had jumped out, one of whom had been so handsome as to have looked god-like to Gerda, who, having been unwashed for more than three years, could not believe her eyes when he’d, literally, opened the door, separating slavery from freedom as he invited emaciated twenty year old Gerda to precede him as she, ever so slowly, made her way forward toward liberation and life, and as months passed in which Kurt Klein fell in love with this 69 pound survivor of the Holocaust (perpetrated upon innocent people by a maniacal mind that had convinced countless men, women and children that torturing, murdering and stealing the belongings of Jewish families had need be done for the good of the tall, blond, blue eyed master race—to which dark haired, dark eyed, small in stature Adolph Hitler did not belong) Gerda Weissmann Klein, having found solace within the safe haven of her beloved husband Kurt’s loving embrace, became an openly loving wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother and an American citizen while she’d developed into a remarkable woman of valor, renown for having courageously dedicated her life to liberty, freedom and the pursuit of happiness for all of mankind, throughout the world in hopes that inhumane treatment concerning the elimination of human beings based in the Nazi’s devilish evil systematic organization of genocide would never be repeated

Thank goodness I can write what I feel, for this reason—Feeling my mind swelling with a soul stirring  reverential emotional reaction that proves so deeply heartfelt as to course throughout my entire body suggests that any attempt on my part to speak of Gerda’s harrowing experiences culminating in her courageous global leadership would render me speechless, for sure.

Had my grandparents (born and raised in Poland) not fled from pogroms (unprovoked mob attacks in which Jewish families were beaten, raped, killed and burned out), terrorizing my family’s shtetl (small town in which the Jewish population had been forced to live, most usually, in poverty), Gerda’s descriptions of murder, slavery. systematic starvation, death marches and the horrors of day to day survival in concentration camps scattered throughout Europe, could have been my own.

I remember feeling spellbound, my attention held utterly rapt, while listening to both of my grandmas relating the hellish personal stories of their youth.  As young mothers, they’d hidden with their terrified children in the bushes whenever the Cossacks, literally on horseback, galloped through the shtetl, crashing through their front doors, ransacking their meager belongings, followed by torching their homes for nothing other than mean minded pleasure derived from a sick sense of self empowerment over the downtrodden.

I remember my sense of horror upon hearing of my grandma’s kindhearted neighbor, who, while hiding her family in the bushes with my grandma’s family, had placed her hand over her crying child’s mouth only to find that once the rampage was over, her beloved child, whose terrified sobs had been stifled, had smothered and died in her deeply shocked, desperately bereaved mother’s lap.

Stories detailing my grandparents’ travails and tribulations. both in Europe and as penniless immigrants, newly arrived via steerage within the bowels of ocean-going, merchant vessels bound for the USA, can be found in posts penned early on within my blog.

Thank goodness, my inquisitive young mind had thought to ask my grandmas many questions, which saw my grandparents responses reaching into their memory banks so as to withdraw personal experiences so shocking as to have saddened the heart of the child at their knee (that would be me) immeasurably and thus, indelibly.

Thank goodness, my mother’s parents and my father’s parents had chosen to flee to The United States years before Hitler’s rise to power, as antisemitism proves as old as the historical timeline is long. 

Just today, I learned that, during recent years, my sister-in-law, Marian, had been the speech pathologist, who’d worked with several of Gerda’s great-grandsons in one of the states that borders my own.  Suggesting, yet again—It’s a small, small world, after all—and that’s especially true whenever Jewish geography comes into play.

πŸ‘©πŸ»❤️Annie

Friday, April 8, 2022

THIS REMARKABLE WOMAN OF VALOR WILL BE SADLY MISSED

 The day before yesterday—Wednesday morning to be exact—I had been saddened to learn of the passing of renown humanitarian, Gerda Weissmann Klein, who’d lived to enrich the world with her presence for 97 years, and here is the letter that my heart wrote to her daughter and son-in-law, dear friends of ours for more than 46 years—


Dear Vivian and Jim,

When we heard that your beloved mother had passed, our hearts felt heavy, knowing that your sense of personal loss would be twofold as your mother had inspired a heartfelt sense of hope, imagination and optimism to ignite within your family as well as within the lives of millions of people throughout the world.


I believe that the moment your mother passed from this world into the great unknown, her beloved Kurt (whose loving attentiveness she had missed ever so deeply since your beloved father’s death) welcomed your mother to nestle as safely within his loving embrace as had been true ever since he was one of the young American soldiers, who had liberated the inmates of the concentration camp in which your emaciated , 20 year old mother had somehow managed to survive.


I am always wondrous about the fact that having experienced the miracle of liberation and Kurt's love, your mother’s strength of spirit had felt compelled to gift the world with voicing her harrowing experiences of survival in such an inclusive way as to have tenderly inspired many millions to re-ignite their heartfelt connection to hope and loving kindness for the good of humanity, no matter how desperate their plight, as none of us knows what miracle tomorrow may bring.


Gerda, who we knew as your beloved mother (and Will’s patient), was truly a living, breathing icon, whose loving, hopeful spirit will continue to guide humanity to believe that beyond our darkest days awaits a bright new dawning in which our far-fetched dreams can be realized as had come true for a young girl, who had been one of the few (of thousands) who had survived the Nazi’s 350 mile death march, though her entire family had perished in Auschwitz-Birkenau.  And yet, upon being liberated by a handsome young soldier, your mother, Gerda Weissmann, who'd been grievously starved and brutalized for years, had maintained a hopeful heart, embodying personal strengths to fall in love, raise her beloved children, pen her memoirs (All But My Life and more) followed by working with Steven Spielberg (their documentary of her life winning an academy award and an Emmy) as well as being selected (during Obama’s administration) as a recipient of The Presidential Medal of Freedom.  And I’m sure there are many more commendations of which I am unaware.  All within one lifetime.  All of which you know so well.  All being utterly incredible for me to conceive.


And now that your beloved family has had to part with your precious mother, my words, though heartfelt, cannot do justice to the magnificence of the legacy left by both of your parents’ strong spirits, though each time I’d absorbed your mother’s soft spoken words of hope for the future of mankind, I can attest to the fact that not an eye was dry throughout her audience, her capacity to relate personal experiences had been so deeply moving as to have inspired each of us to feel as if her enslaved survival within the camps followed by liberation and a lifetime of love could have been our own.


Throughout these past three years, my serious illness has separated us from most of our friends, suggesting that we four are, once again, over due to enjoy dinner, together.  And so, with thoughts of these many years of our friendship, it is our ‘hope’ to meet with both of you on the patio of a favorite restaurant, sometime soon.

 

And with hopes that you can truly feel all of the love, admiration and respect that we’re sending—

Here we see four generations of women, whose strong-spirited love of life, liberty, family, happiness and humanity could not be extinguished by the brutality of Hitler’s ‘Final Solution’ to rid the world of loving Jewish families.

I see your mom, Gerda Weissmann Klein on the left.  I see my dear friend’s vibrant smile on the far right.  And sitting between mother and daughter, I see one of your lovely daughters and her adorable daughter, one of your mom’s many great-grandchildren.


The captivating nature of this photo, capturing the sparkling vibrancy of all four of you, commemorates our classic, universal, timeless dedication to GOOD WINNING over evil, REPEATEDLY, throughout history, beginning with human life on Earth up to and inclusive of this very day.


Every thought conveyed,  above, reverberates through my heart as though a series of snapshots flashes before my eyes whenever your beloved mother comes to mind, because, being a woman of valor, she, though a Holocaust survivor, chose to enjoy a truly fruitful, remarkable life, resulting in the fact that all of her beloved children continue to thrive.

❤️Annie and Will

Thursday, April 7, 2022

A CLEAN SLATE UPON WHICH TO WRITE

Yesterday offered up sound reasons as to why a sense emotional conflict was mine.

On the one hand , Will and I had thoroughly enjoyed our kind-hearted, seven year old grand daughter, Ravi, after school.  Her high-spirited, positive focus offers both of us such a remarkable sense of delight!  Ravi breezed through her homework, after which she and I enjoyed cuddling up with storybooks about Passover, which stimulated her sense of disbelief to feel outraged at the brutal treatment of the Jewish slaves in biblical Egypt, followed by a serious discussion concerning the annual deletion of next week’s family Seder.

‘Will I be the only child at our Seder?”

“Yes.”

Can I invite a friend?”

“Of course.”

Then, a little later—

“Gramma, I’ve changed my mind.  I don’t mind being the only child at our Passover dinner.”

“Okay, Ravi, whatever feels best to you is what we’ll do.”

While discussing the meaning of Passover, power, slavery and the eternal struggle, throughout the world, to attain, regain and maintain our freedom from bullies arising within every next generation, Ravi’s eyes opened wide as she and I discussed the fact that people are being harmed, right now, in the Ukraine.

Then, our discussion turned to the freedom to think for ourselves in the USA, where everyone is free to choose the occupation and religion that feels most natural to an individual, or we can even choose the parts of each religion that makes us feel happy and peaceful, because religions are made up of beliefs. As that led Ravi to ask more questions about Passover, I added Easter into our discussion, since Ravi’s daddy is Jewish and her mommy is Christian.  At the conclusion of our discussion, Ravi decided that she’d like to choose the parts of both religions that made her feel happily content, and we agreed that that was a good choice for a seven year old child whose family is about to celebrate both Passover and Easter within the very same weekend.

After finishing her homework, Ravi was eager to decorate plastic eggs (which symbolize new life in both religions), and as these colorful eggs came apart, Ravi enjoyed filling each one with tiny treasures in hopes of delighting her besties with gifts she’d created  herself.

Once Steven arrived for dinner, we four laughed a lot while our son, who, years ago, had passed the bar in AZ and CA, described the ludicrous nature of an exam he had decided to take, this week.

Once Steven and Ravi left for home, Will and I turned on our TV in time to relax while watching last night’s  NBA basketball game.  So what, you might ask, had offered up reason for a sense of inner conflict to be mine after having enjoyed such a delightful afternoon with a child as sensitive, quick-witted and loving as is true of Ravi, followed by laughing throughout dinner with my beloved husband, Will and Steven—one of our kind, fun-loving, responsible sons who grew up to freely embrace so many of our values as to be one of our best friends—I mean, seriously—yesterday sure does sound like a swell day to me—right?

Well, what if I’ve only detailed one half of that which had made yesterday whole?  What if having expressed our delightful afternoon and dinner leaves yesterday morning a clean slate upon which to write that which had stirred a heartfelt sense of sadness within my mind.

πŸ‘©πŸ»Annie

Tuesday, April 5, 2022

WITH THOUGHTS OF WELCOMING ELIJAH

 Here’s how I know a corner has been turned concerning one stage of healing passing the baton to the next:  This morning—tired as I continue to be—my think tank began to outline how best to organize a family Seder without taxing myself, over much.

The mere thought of my brain even thinking about creating a Seder for our loved ones suggests that my processor’s connection to resourcefulness is in working order for the first time in three years, being that three years ago, while attempting to enjoy springtime in Nashville with Will (and Mike and Simmy and their significant others), I’d felt need to spend more time in bed than not, based in the fact that my tumor had not yet been astutely diagnosed.

So, the fact that my think tank is able to even consider inviting Elijah to feast at our Passover table along with family and dear friends (dinner to be catered) is a change for the better worthy of notating as this is the day after my brain blew a fuse, suggesting, yet again—the surprising difference a day makes when an attitude of positive focus reins supreme once lethargy of spirit (not to be confused with feeling lackadaisical) has been hot wired to the miraculous nature of love’s magic spell as if last weekend’s festivities had jump-started my brain activity, which had lain fallow while all of my energy had need to direct itself toward healing from life-saving medical methods so extreme, over these past three years, as to have proved to be life threatening, several times, causing my survival instinct to depend upon the brilliance of medical innovations coupled with my spirit’s determination to fully embrace nothing less than my heartfelt capacity to bear whatever had been deemed necessary to recover from cancer so as to thrive within the midst of family and friends, whose heartfelt, unconditional love of life and each other mirrors mine.

In short, a reverential sense of hope occupies so much of my brain space that there is no place left for any thought that might even hint at empowering this lengthy illness to shorten my life.  The fact that my mother celebrated her 100th birthday may have strongly influenced the strength of my positively focused mindset concerning directing my energy toward refraining a full recovery so as to rejoice over the restoration of my happy, healthy, high-spirited life for many years to come.

And with the approach of holidays celebrating the blessed renewal of life, all that needs be added before this intuitive train of thought pulls into today’s rest station is—L’Chaim!  To Life!  Amen

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️😊Annie

Monday, April 4, 2022

MY BRAIN BLEW A FUSE

 Happily exhausted.  It’s been ever so long since Will and I had enjoyed a simcha weekend (blessed celebration) with lots of people we love (outside), many of whom we’ve not seen in years.

On Saturday, while wearing a mask and with my salt’n pepper hair, I had to introduce myself to many members of my dear friend, Jill’s family with whom we’d enjoyed celebrating Jewish holidays beginning when David and his best friend, Adam (both 45 years old) were babies.  I really could have gone incognito, all day and evening.

Sunday, spent with Ravi, felt like another dream come true.  In addition to playing for hours with her bestie, Uncle David, Ravi was surprised to see my classic book collection of the stories of Heidi.  When Ravi asked me to tell her the story, she sat, eyes glued to mine, utterly rapt, while listening to seven year old Heidi’s trials, tribulations and kind-hearted adventures.  Ravi’s only interruptions occurred to ask meaningful questions, being that she and Heidi are the same age.  When I told my sweet grand daughter that I had the movie of Heidi (Shirley Temple version), she asked to see it, immediately. So, we’d cuddled on my bed (masked), where Ravi was so completely absorbed within the life of this remarkable little girl that she burst out crying when Aunt Didi stole Heidi from the Grandfather’s mountain hut, and then, Ravi burst into tears, again, when FrΓ€ulein Rottenmeier tried to sell Heidi to the Gypsies while we watched Heidi’s grandfather running despairingly through the streets calling out, “Heidi!  Where are you!  Heidi!  Heidi!”

Needless to say, I’d comforted my tearful grand daughter within my protective embrace while she’d held onto me, ever so tightly, until she’d felt reassured to hear that Heidi and Grandfather would soon be reunited, and both would enjoy a greater sense of loving happiness than either had ever experienced before, suggesting, yet again—all’s well that ends well.  

And in this way did our sensitive kind-hearted Ravi enjoy an emotion-filled afternoon at Gramma and Papa’s house (knowing that her beloved Uncle David planned to drive back to the West Coast, today).  So when Steven walked through our front door, late Sunday afternoon, Ravi was very glad to hear her daddy say that she could continue to enjoy herself as they were not heading home for awhile.

It’s been quiet, today, which is just what I need, so that’s good, indeed.  I’m so very tired that you might think the connection between my brain and my mouth blew a fuse, leaving my lips zipped with my tongue lying slack and utterly useless on the bottom of my lower jaw.🀐

At my age (and at this stage of my recovery from two bouts of chemo and three huge surgeries within a year’s time), my fatigue comes as no surprise—in fact, on day three. following two consecutive days of vibrant social interaction, I’m glad to know that my fingers, leaping all over my keyboard, are actually tapping the right letters, suggesting that the fuse connecting brain waves to finger tips is still intact.  HahaπŸ˜„

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️Annie

Saturday, April 2, 2022

A THOROUGHLY DELIGHTFUL DAY

As I’ve been enjoying a truly delightful day with many loved ones (outside), I find myself much too weary to describe the joyous occasion that sees me in need of resting my body before dressing myself in finery in readiness for this evening’s outdoor festivities to begin.

Once my mind feels so relaxed as to pen a detailed description of today’s simcha (blessed occasion) without feeling taxed, the extraordinary nature of our love for Adam and Sami will surely pour forth so naturally and with so much warmth as to melt my heart with gratitude, being that Adam’s presence as the fourth ‘brother’ in our family of three sons has played an integral part of why so much has gone so smoothly for us, over these past three years, when our visits to Mayo Clinic came close to being a daily occurrence.

As for now—no buts about it—my wearied mind and body are walking my happy heart straight toward my bed.

πŸ™‹πŸ»‍♀️πŸ₯°πŸ₯±Annie

Friday, April 1, 2022

OY! UPON REVIEWING A POST PENNED SEVERAL YEARS BACK, GUESS WHAT I FOUND?

 OY!  UPON REVIEWING A POST PENNED SEVERAL YEARS BACK, GUESS WHAT I FOUND?

I found editing in serious need of doing, which I do not plan to tackle for this reason—Once I start with one post, my perfectionistic trait, which I work consciously to control, may compel me to edit ‘just one more post’. Followed by an unending string of ‘just one more post’ until my tendency toward perfection overwhelms the self disciplined portion of my brain by unleashing my addictive behavior to change whatever is within my power for the better.

If you ask how I know it’s in my best interest to invest my whole mind toward penning new posts, I’d sheepishly reply—If the truth be told, I’ve already edited post #306, which had popped up on my screen as an older post, recently read by a follower.  And having seen how much editing was needed, I’m actively muzzling my little voice that’s begging to scroll back so far as to check out every post, beginning with #1.

Oy gevalt!

See what I mean?

Please someone! 

Anyone!  

Help save me from myself!

🀦🏻‍♀️Annie