“THERE’S NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR, ITSELF”

 Over most of my adult life, I’d thought to know what had troubled my mind too much to discuss with anyone until I’d had time to think things through for myself.

Then, while participating in EMDR therapy, I came to understand that my defense system had erected mental blocks separating the conscious portion of my memory from experiences too terrifying for a child’s psyche to withstand, and so those experiences (completely erased from within my state of self awareness) we’re repressed within my subconscious, suggesting that any aspect of a current situation that remotely resembled the gargantuan fear of being harmed, buried deep with my subconscious memory, would leap out and hijack my sense of personal safety as though my current experience had suddenly been hot wired to yesteryear’s trauma as happens whenever an attack of PTSD terrified the brain, anew, because the original trauma has, as yet, been undiagnosed and thus remains unidentified and untreated.

Thank goodness, I was referred to Carolyn Settle, who trains therapists, worldwide, in the art of healing the brain of trauma via EMDR therapy.

Over recent years, I’ve come to understand that my intuitive need for solitude precedes the release of fear, long repressed within my subconscious until a sense of readiness to release, confront and gain conscious control over yet another aspect of a childhood trauma has ripened.

And that is the mind boggling process that I’ve been experiencing ever since my intuitive voice expressed my need for solitude following the results of my chest CT and PET scan, last week.

So why, you may ask, did I feel need for solitude while family and friends rejoiced over the fact that my test results showed me to be cancer free?

Well, once deeper truth revealed itself to me, I found that my need for solitude had naught to do with my being cancer free, at all, because my fear of cancer recurring, again, was a conscious fear, suggesting that my power of intuition had known that my brain’s connection to courage was awaiting my inner sense of readiness to release a fear, which had been deeply repressed since I was such a small child as to have had no way to ask for help by verbalizing experiences and emotional reactions too frighting and complex to express within the limitations of a small child’s vocabulary.

And as—Humans can’t process what they can’t talk about—.I’d had need for solitude to prepare the conscious portion of my mind to verbalize a fear that my power of intuition believed me ready to talk about with myself, at long last …

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie