So, today, dear friend, I began to write this heartfelt message to you, because the strength of our forever friendship invites pretty much every emotion felt deep inside, even those that are too testy to bare to the world, to express themselves naturally, as though these emotions are so strong as to have hearts and minds of their own, which encourage me to accept the fact that this emotion or that one feels need to emerge and converse, openly, from time to time, with another person’s compassionate heart, and in our case, I have the benefit of knowing that your mind has been well trained in discerning which primary emotion is pushing a secondary emotion out of the way so as to fully expose itself on center stage instead of continuing to suppress its presence in the wings, where its deeper truth has been repressed for so long a time that no one remembers when or why pain, insecurity or sadness got stuffed so deep inside, out of sight in the first place.
I thought the photo posted below was a perfect metaphor showing both sides of me—the well groomed side I choose to show to the world and the churning information-seeker who retrieves forgotten details of past events that had been too complex or painful for a child to work through so as to strengthen from within at an age that proves younger than most. And thus are both sides of me—The questioning Annie and the self assured Annie—clearly seen sharing brain space wherever we go. However, if an innocent party, who is engaging in conversation with the secure side of my mind, unknowingly jangles an emotionally injured nerve ending that remains unhealed then the questioning Annie may withdraw momentarily until the mature portion of my brainwaves grabs the switch, which rewires my newly exposed, negatively focused attitude so quickly that very few would have seen me stumble over insecurity, since my reset button is pressed so quickly as to pick up the slack before most have any awareness of mental changes zooming back and forth through my head. Anyway, I wanted you to know that over this past year, both Annies feel so emotionally safe in your presence that all of my posts will come directly from the inner sanctum of my being where conversations between security and insecurity blend together so naturally that inner truths, which I’m not yet ready to tell myself, pop out of my processor’s intuitive side and filter through my wall of denial into my conscious awareness before my defense system can stuff those ‘forgotten’ details back inside one of the dark pockets of my mind.
Interesting fact—
Most details that scared me so much as to bury their existence deep within my subconscious are not nearly as scary to the adult whom I’ve chosen to grow to be, so far, today. And as personal growth can advance forward, pretty much forever, here is why some youngsters are rightfully called ‘old souls’—Morsels of wisdom that have been planted into my brain’s memory bank will have been passed to my sons, whose open minds seem ever more ready to engage in conversations with my think tank than would be expected of men who have leaped toward middle age in the same unencumbered way as had been true of me, being that we four had walked over that threshold without leaving our intimate, good natured connection to childhood behind us—offering each of us plenty of time to coach our current generation of little ones about life during playtime so that they’re often unaware as to how much coaching is taking place. And though I have no clue as to how today’s post began at its starting point and ended up over here, my mind has tired enough to thank you for listening right up until I choose to finish for today with three of life’s most peace sustaining words—I love you!
❤️đŸ˜˜Annie
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