TOO MUCH CHEMO IS NOT A GOOD THING

As I was hospitalized for more than half of December (Dec. 2-7, as planned for chemo and then again Dec, 13-24, unplanned), both rocky rides, much of which came as a surprise to my team of specialists, has swirled a myriad of medical experiences into a goulash that was far from delish—and the fact that I’ve been on pain meds for weeks has swirled so many thoughts together as to have made a darkly colored kaleidoscope of my brain’s most recent memories.   And now—on the up side, though it’s true that my body’s reactions scared us, one and all, the fact that every team of specialists, who conferred with each other, saved my organ systems from caving into each onslaught, so as to come through rampant infections, unscathed marvels me tothis very day.

As to the holidays, they passed during the dark days of my struggle, so I hope your holidays offered festive memories of family gatherings, as the true meaning of the holidays is meant to gather loved ones together so that every heart, which graciously embraces the next, does it’s part in creating a family circle that demonstrates the expansive capacity of every person’s healthy mindset so that our Tender hearted children do not unknowingly absorb mixed messages from adults whose latent anxieties dampen everyone’s pure and heartfelt expression of joy.

Having reviewed much of what I wrote during those difficult days when my medical teams were rebalancing life sustaining drugs, which coated my healthy organs, today’s sense of clarity insists that my apologies are humbly offered to any of you who attempted to fathom the streams of consciousness, which retrospectively may have made sense only to me ...

Though these past two weeks tested my host of inner strengths to the max, in the aftermath of that perilous ride, good news rises above the level of mental sludge that saw me following my doctors’ suggestions as patiently, peaceably and calmly as possible, because I knew that their training was bound to cook up a stew of remedies that would far surpass any brainstorming on my end of the spectrum ...