1370 A GLIMPSE INTO MY CURRENT STORYTELLING DILEMMA

Damn!
I really want to tell you a story
Any story
I wish I knew what's been blocking
My mind from story telling for such a long time
I wonder when my conscious mind will go from stymied to
 Feeling an eager sense of readiness surging forth from
The same place where story telling trains of thought are
Surely tunneling through an emotional maze so complex
Inside my brain that confusion runs too deep for clarity to surface
In fact, if the truth be told, I've been feeling vulnerable, over
These past couple of days, or, more to the point
Sadness emerges when I'm alone with certain thoughts
Concerning my inability to create a specific
Change for the better that remains beyond my control, and

As much as enjoying time with Ravi lifts my spirit, each time
Steven has carried her home, unshed tears threaten to

Overflow my defense system's wall of denial, and that
Awareness suggests my conscious mind has just gained
Insight into this fact:  My wall of denial has a crack, and though

I wish freeing those tears could wash unidentified feelings of
Vulnerability away, my defense system says:  No way, Annie!
You know that's not how it works!  Though releasing tears of
Sadness may offer coils of inner tension a sense of temporary relief

Deeper truth suggests that your think tank must accomplish

Each step of the work that's required before readiness reveals
Why denial sees fit to block the primary cause of your sadness to

Feel locked out of conscious awareness ... On an up note ...
Today's post suggests that intuitive thought must be
Filtering through that crack in the wall, because
I'm becoming aware of my strength of courage signaling
My subconscious of readiness to reveal
An emotional reaction, which has proved too painful to
Penetrate conscious awareness, suggesting this to be
One of those times when my defense system (rather than
Over reacting) has been partnering up with common sense until

Flashes of insight illuminate the hidden reason that's
Causing my spirit's slippery slide, and
With today's positively focused train of thought sparking a
String of insights, brightening my conscious mind, I feel
Confident of my ability to keep my spirit afloat during
This perplexing period of transition by reminding myself that
A mind shift is taking place, and thus, while moving from
Confusion to clarity, I'll imagine the ease with which
The sad weight on my spirit will lift as
Strings of emergent insight continue to highlight
Gimpses into the source of this puzzlement, which
Remains hidden within a subconscious pocket of fear, blocking
My sense of readiness from confronting a painful truth that
My conscious mind has longed to believe as not true, suggesting
Need to work to free certain memories, which remain locked within

A Puzzle Room inside my head ... And though I already own all of
The pieces of this puzzle, my present state of vulnerability will not
Free intuition to put two intelligent thoughts together, which will
Get a story off to a good start until I accept the fact that
Mental tension, born of frustration, narrows my brain's pathways, so
The only intelligent course of action open to me, right now, is to
Accept this fact:  The lengthy nature of this mental block
Exists for sound reason, and while awaiting insight to
Spotlight the main source of this curious stall
It's up to my think tank to muster even more patience by
Strengthening my faith in this belief:
At this very moment in time, my independent sense of
Intuitive thought is searching for a dark pocket, hidden deeply within
My gray-matter, and once highlights of this dark spot are sighted
I can depend on courage to penetrate my wall of denial in order to
Expand pathways where insight driven trains of thoughts will
Carry my conscious awareness closer to the light at
The end of the tunnel, where clarity waits to
Flash so brightly within my mind's eye that
The name of the vulnerability, which has been holding
My story telling ability hostage, over long, will
Headline a post that will appear first on my screen and then on yours
And knowing that pathways, clogged by today's state of mental confusion
Will, one day, open, naturally, we can feel assured that memories
Will begin to flow forth so freely as to offer you stories, worthy of
Your time and consideration, concerning yesteryear's
Intuitive creation of solution-seeking plans that produced
Change for the better each time my intelligence felt need to
Partner up with insight and positive focus in order to stop
A negative attitude from usurping control over my think tank, whenever
I had to figure out how to stay a step ahead of
A trilogy of young think tanks, which had naturally attempted to
Bamboozle the voice of authority (that would be me), every
Day of the week—year after year—because, no matter our age—
Every human brain is programmed to rebel against
Feeling controlled by any mind other than our own, and now that
Today's natural flow of intuitive thought has reminded
My conscious awareness of the importance of
Positive focus coupling up with patience, most especially
When an inexplicable sense of personal vulnerability is weighing
Heavily upon my spirit, I can feel this post (and my frustration)
Easing into today's rest station, which proves timely for this reason:
Today is Thursday, suggesting my mind filling with thoughts of
Picking up Ravi, lifting my spirit to float more buoyantly as
My sensitivity to savoring this love that she and I share feels
Every bit as pure and simple as is this sweet natured child's sense of
Joyful wonderment concerning her every day adventure into
Heartfelt discovery ... and thus does time spent with Ravi speak of
My soul's need to thrive in a world where most others strive to survive ...
PS
This post was written, yesterday, but left in an unfinished state, because
Once Ravi's joyful spirit is in my arms
Enjoying her natural state of wonderment trumps writing, every time ...