Friday, November 30, 2012

583. WHAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN

When I was too young to know myself in depth
And cruel taunts made me feel too fat
I got so scared
And experienced so much subconscious pain
That that freaking, subterranean pain messed with my mind
At that time, strengths, which made me feel whole fell into a black hole
So here's what I not show behind my smile ...
I was the consummate actress, extraordinaire
I was Annie, who'd cried by night, smiled by day
When anxious, teen-aged Annie'd laughed
And willed sharply piercing pain to dim
One thing I still am not in high school is this:
Totally relaxed, at ease in my skin
Much better, though, now, than at twelve or thirteen
Most especially with guys
So, where has adult Annie grown toward, so far, today?
I'm a mixture of more and less
More open
More honest
More clear
Less mixed up
Less fearful
Less pained deep within
Why?

A closed book in need of opening
Has been opened, at first, gingerly
Revealing mysteries which
Expose both sides of me
Today, I feed my need to express
Emotion, which had been locked deep inside
Today I express aloud or write what I feel
Word by word
Page by page
Post by post
And while writing reasons why I'd conditioned myself
To remain a closed book ...
I quoth the raven ...
Nevermore!
Today I am openly, wholly me—messy as that may be
And while pouring time and energy into this courageous act of
Morphing ... transforming myself—by conscious choice
To embrace my vulnerabilities
And my strengths, which, together, comprise my whole
Thee may choose to draw near to me or not
Either way—
I run with the wolves—
Hear me howl ...
I am woman—freeing myself to be wholly me—
So ...Okay, perhaps I don't howl ...
Well, maybe once or twice ...
You must know what's coming next ...
More about morphing in stories down the road :)

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