Though my last post declares Annie a Me Too, how much
Courage must I muster before my bold stance is posted on Facebook?
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Monday, January 8, 2018
2018 OFFERS MY INTUITIVE INTELLIGENCE LEAP OF FAITH TIME
First things first:
A heartfelt special delivery to my dear friend, Debbie ... I wish you a happy birthday and many years of good health filled with love, laughter, sweet surprises and peace of mind!💕🎂
And having sent my love across the miles, tis time to express the train of thought sent via email to a friend and neighbor, yesterday:
If it’s true that this last round of therapy has strengthened my ability to identify eruptive episodes of repressed emotion as soon as a current event triggers my subconscious to release latent anxiety, arousing yesteryear’s fear of an unnamed danger closing in, then hopefully, my intuitive intelligence may have grown so bold as to hold fast to my connection to clarity, thus disempowering PTSD from hijacking my personal sense of safety concerning this reality: I have worked courageously to achieve a spectrum of mental strengths necessary to develop the self assertive portion of my voice that will save me from confusing the eruptive nature of yesteryear’s ghosts with a near and present danger that is not threatening my survival, today, so rather than feeling all alone with that fear as had been true during childhood, I'll hear this intuitive truth speaking directly to my connection to wholeness, loud and clear: Annie, whatever unnamed fear you feel, right now, exists only in repressed memory ... and the reason that a good little girl grew up to be an insight seeker, whose intuitive intelligence led you on a not so merry chase until the spotlight of insight brightened your conscious mind by illuminating this deeper truth: You have every right to declare yourself innocent of guilting yourself reprehensible, undeservedly for whatever was done to you as well as whatever you were coerced into doing, and each time you imprint that deeper truth into the forefront of your conscious awareness, you'll have sound reason to trust your intelligence to heal the wounded portions of your self esteem so deeply as to clearly sweep each next ghostlike eruption of unidentified anxiety, undisclosed grief, and undeserved guilt right out of subconscious memory in one fell swoop from now on..
As to naming specific events that led to my having swallowed greater portions of my self-assertive voice during childhood, those stories have already been penned and posted quite some time back, at which time my storyteller’s valiant attempts to write about high school caused so much latent angst to arise as to draw forth a boulder-sized lump of fear that closed my throat, casting such a dark shadow over my existential voice as to have blinded me from identifying the fear that arose, causing me to swallow that portion of my tongue, again and again, which suggests why my growing connection to guilt-free boldness has been encouraging my sense of readiness to irradiate all sense of shame in favor of speaking my truth aloud once I’ve climbed this ladder, one rung at a time, toward making my clear-headed way out of yesteryear’s self-conceived dungeon-like darkness by way of gathering each next string of interrelated insights, which, like fireflies caught in a jar, shine the spotlight of reality upon my mindful connection to ‘the here and now’.
Over these past several years, my intuitive determination to heal the wounded portions of my self esteem felt compelled to cocoon my smarts within the safe haven of my home where the whole of me focuses upon working quietly and consistently toward achieving this end, and so with the new year at hand, it comes as no surprise to find my power of intuition suggesting that I’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain from taking this self-empowering leap of faith, right now, along with countless adults across the country, who like me, had been terror-stricken, obedient children, who, having swallowed their tongues behind boulder-sized fear, had been abused by pedophiles until each of us felt personally ready to stand up and be courageously counted amongst those men and women who, having reclaimed the self assertive portion of our voices are recently grown so bold as to denounce our attackers with two simple words:
Me, too.
A heartfelt special delivery to my dear friend, Debbie ... I wish you a happy birthday and many years of good health filled with love, laughter, sweet surprises and peace of mind!💕🎂
And having sent my love across the miles, tis time to express the train of thought sent via email to a friend and neighbor, yesterday:
If it’s true that this last round of therapy has strengthened my ability to identify eruptive episodes of repressed emotion as soon as a current event triggers my subconscious to release latent anxiety, arousing yesteryear’s fear of an unnamed danger closing in, then hopefully, my intuitive intelligence may have grown so bold as to hold fast to my connection to clarity, thus disempowering PTSD from hijacking my personal sense of safety concerning this reality: I have worked courageously to achieve a spectrum of mental strengths necessary to develop the self assertive portion of my voice that will save me from confusing the eruptive nature of yesteryear’s ghosts with a near and present danger that is not threatening my survival, today, so rather than feeling all alone with that fear as had been true during childhood, I'll hear this intuitive truth speaking directly to my connection to wholeness, loud and clear: Annie, whatever unnamed fear you feel, right now, exists only in repressed memory ... and the reason that a good little girl grew up to be an insight seeker, whose intuitive intelligence led you on a not so merry chase until the spotlight of insight brightened your conscious mind by illuminating this deeper truth: You have every right to declare yourself innocent of guilting yourself reprehensible, undeservedly for whatever was done to you as well as whatever you were coerced into doing, and each time you imprint that deeper truth into the forefront of your conscious awareness, you'll have sound reason to trust your intelligence to heal the wounded portions of your self esteem so deeply as to clearly sweep each next ghostlike eruption of unidentified anxiety, undisclosed grief, and undeserved guilt right out of subconscious memory in one fell swoop from now on..
As to naming specific events that led to my having swallowed greater portions of my self-assertive voice during childhood, those stories have already been penned and posted quite some time back, at which time my storyteller’s valiant attempts to write about high school caused so much latent angst to arise as to draw forth a boulder-sized lump of fear that closed my throat, casting such a dark shadow over my existential voice as to have blinded me from identifying the fear that arose, causing me to swallow that portion of my tongue, again and again, which suggests why my growing connection to guilt-free boldness has been encouraging my sense of readiness to irradiate all sense of shame in favor of speaking my truth aloud once I’ve climbed this ladder, one rung at a time, toward making my clear-headed way out of yesteryear’s self-conceived dungeon-like darkness by way of gathering each next string of interrelated insights, which, like fireflies caught in a jar, shine the spotlight of reality upon my mindful connection to ‘the here and now’.
Over these past several years, my intuitive determination to heal the wounded portions of my self esteem felt compelled to cocoon my smarts within the safe haven of my home where the whole of me focuses upon working quietly and consistently toward achieving this end, and so with the new year at hand, it comes as no surprise to find my power of intuition suggesting that I’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain from taking this self-empowering leap of faith, right now, along with countless adults across the country, who like me, had been terror-stricken, obedient children, who, having swallowed their tongues behind boulder-sized fear, had been abused by pedophiles until each of us felt personally ready to stand up and be courageously counted amongst those men and women who, having reclaimed the self assertive portion of our voices are recently grown so bold as to denounce our attackers with two simple words:
Me, too.
Thank goodness, the effects of harboring PTSD did not begin to distort my processor’s connection to clarity until recent years. Thank goodness, the vault created by my defense system’s mental block (separating my brain’s conscious awareness from unconscious fear), had locked a trio of ghost-like traumas behind a wall of denial so impenetrable within the dark side of my subconscious as to hold at bay the greater portion of my self distortions over most of my life, most especially during the years when my children depended upon their mother’s intuitive intelligence and positively focused, fun-loving attitude to create a parental role model of herself so as to guide my young to muster the courage to develop and give voice to the remarkable set of personal strengths that fear for my safety had, unknowingly, stolen from me at the age of three, and throughout every stage of my sons’ young lives, their mother's intuitive intelligence figured out how best to encourage the heartfelt development of this trio of strong, self-disciplined, deeply caring, positively focused, responsible, compassionate, creative, openly supportive, mutually respectful, hard working, fun-loving, independent men, who, having been raised to respect women as equals, have grown to be three of my most deeply treasured friends.
Thank goodness, Will chose to chase his dark shadows out of the depths of his forest and into the clear light of day so as to experience his own sunlit dawning once my spirit depressed to such a frightening degree as to have compelled me to live on my own in hopes of quietly figuring out why my lust for live had flattened and every one of my strengths had seemed to shatter when an unexpected event forced the false front of our ‘happy’ marriage to stop skating over thin ice, which upon cracking, drowned the Pollyanna vision that I'd unknowingly created of much of my childhood and my marriage, which seen in the stark light of day, slid into the sludge of the ocean of tears that had swallowed my smile, whole—Huh! No wonder why I’ve been unable to pen stories, beginning in high school and beyond—I mean seriously, stories of personal failure are rarely told until the latent development of the story teller’s self assertive voice has had sound reason to grow ever so bold.
Thank goodness, Will chose to chase his dark shadows out of the depths of his forest and into the clear light of day so as to experience his own sunlit dawning once my spirit depressed to such a frightening degree as to have compelled me to live on my own in hopes of quietly figuring out why my lust for live had flattened and every one of my strengths had seemed to shatter when an unexpected event forced the false front of our ‘happy’ marriage to stop skating over thin ice, which upon cracking, drowned the Pollyanna vision that I'd unknowingly created of much of my childhood and my marriage, which seen in the stark light of day, slid into the sludge of the ocean of tears that had swallowed my smile, whole—Huh! No wonder why I’ve been unable to pen stories, beginning in high school and beyond—I mean seriously, stories of personal failure are rarely told until the latent development of the story teller’s self assertive voice has had sound reason to grow ever so bold.
With so much to know about the latent effects of traumatized stress deeply repressed in a state of emotional disorder during childhood, the more knowledge that I choose to absorb about PTSD, the more I come to appreciate the cautious yet consistently steady path that my intuitive powers have chosen to tread in hopes of readying my conscious connection to intelligence to muster the whale of courage necessary to revisit experiences that Mother Nature thought best to direct the memory of a terrified little girl to ‘forget’ until my adult inner strengths had grown so empowered as to confront overwhelming sensations of grief, fear, self imposed guilt and tension born of inner conflict all of which proved far too painful and complex for a child’s undeveloped processor and nervous system to sanely sustain much less even begin to attempt to understand—no wonder why my mind begins to reel and light headedness, to the point of dizziness, hits whenever any aspect of a current event so much as stimulates that subterranean cavern to open its mouth and bare its fangs as PTSD attempts to swallow my hard won strengths, today.
Currently as the New Year unfolds, I believe that my choice to work conscientiously toward consciously identifying, releasing, absorbing and voicing manageable amounts of repressed emotional reactiveness within the safe confines of my EMDR therapist’s office as well as within the safe haven of my home has successfully expressed such an abundance of deeply repressed stress as to offer my intuitive intelligence CLEARance to continue to gain insight, concerning self healing, while reliving much less in the way of latent pain, and what could be a more positive attitude, based in my brain’s innate capacity to work toward creating and achieving change for the better, than today’s stream of consciousness, which will serve to buoy my spirit above waves of emotional pain, which may still be repressed and in need of expression with every courageous post penned during 2018
😊🌈
In the aftermath of my having moved out of our family home, Will commented upon my courage. I mean, this was twenty-seven years ago, way before most women of a certain age could begin to hope to support themselves. Upon hearing his perception, I replied. That wasn’t courage. That was fear.
At that point, depression made me fear staying in the marriage more than I'd feared leaving to face the unknown, feeling utterly alone, for the first time in my life ...
Not until much later did I come to see that when faced with two fears, my choice to choose the lesser of the two (rather of remaining mired while sinking ever more deeply into the bottomless pit of despair where mental sludge had swallowed my spirit whole) had taken a whale of courage as well as a finely tooled set of solution-seeking personal strengths, which my self image’s distorted connection to clarity had refused to believe were my own ... and true to my history at some point, the story teller, who resides within my brain, will assuredly pen and post each of those detailed stories once intuitive readiness gives me the go ahead ... as for now, tis time to greet the day with a twinkle and a smile, knowing full well that a three year old child named Ravi awaits a play date with one of her favorite playmates, and each time I drive to her house to pick her up, her adorable presence in my life can be seen gazing out of the picture window in her living room, anticipating gramma's arrival so that upon parking my car curbside, my heart laughs aloud in answer to Ravi's joyful squeals that clearly express my grand daughter's delight, which grows so great as I approach her front door as to cause her hands to clap while the rest of her sparkling spirit jumps happily, up and down in similar fashion to the way I remember the lively spirits of three adorable little boys engaging with each other creatively, except for those countless moments when sibling rivalry raised its angry, little head😡 and I thought I'd lose my mind, which is why my intuitive intelligence felt need to figure out how best to guide my trio of rambunctious sons to stop fighting long enough to embrace this deeper truth while each one grew toward manhood: Those of us who grow up learning to love one another well instead of defensively can train the negatively focused (power struggling) side of human nature—which lusts to win the game of dominance at any cost—to remain in time out while solution seeking is taking place, and once that mutually enriching love lesson is deeply absorbed, all around—love conquer all😊
Currently as the New Year unfolds, I believe that my choice to work conscientiously toward consciously identifying, releasing, absorbing and voicing manageable amounts of repressed emotional reactiveness within the safe confines of my EMDR therapist’s office as well as within the safe haven of my home has successfully expressed such an abundance of deeply repressed stress as to offer my intuitive intelligence CLEARance to continue to gain insight, concerning self healing, while reliving much less in the way of latent pain, and what could be a more positive attitude, based in my brain’s innate capacity to work toward creating and achieving change for the better, than today’s stream of consciousness, which will serve to buoy my spirit above waves of emotional pain, which may still be repressed and in need of expression with every courageous post penned during 2018
😊🌈
In the aftermath of my having moved out of our family home, Will commented upon my courage. I mean, this was twenty-seven years ago, way before most women of a certain age could begin to hope to support themselves. Upon hearing his perception, I replied. That wasn’t courage. That was fear.
At that point, depression made me fear staying in the marriage more than I'd feared leaving to face the unknown, feeling utterly alone, for the first time in my life ...
Not until much later did I come to see that when faced with two fears, my choice to choose the lesser of the two (rather of remaining mired while sinking ever more deeply into the bottomless pit of despair where mental sludge had swallowed my spirit whole) had taken a whale of courage as well as a finely tooled set of solution-seeking personal strengths, which my self image’s distorted connection to clarity had refused to believe were my own ... and true to my history at some point, the story teller, who resides within my brain, will assuredly pen and post each of those detailed stories once intuitive readiness gives me the go ahead ... as for now, tis time to greet the day with a twinkle and a smile, knowing full well that a three year old child named Ravi awaits a play date with one of her favorite playmates, and each time I drive to her house to pick her up, her adorable presence in my life can be seen gazing out of the picture window in her living room, anticipating gramma's arrival so that upon parking my car curbside, my heart laughs aloud in answer to Ravi's joyful squeals that clearly express my grand daughter's delight, which grows so great as I approach her front door as to cause her hands to clap while the rest of her sparkling spirit jumps happily, up and down in similar fashion to the way I remember the lively spirits of three adorable little boys engaging with each other creatively, except for those countless moments when sibling rivalry raised its angry, little head😡 and I thought I'd lose my mind, which is why my intuitive intelligence felt need to figure out how best to guide my trio of rambunctious sons to stop fighting long enough to embrace this deeper truth while each one grew toward manhood: Those of us who grow up learning to love one another well instead of defensively can train the negatively focused (power struggling) side of human nature—which lusts to win the game of dominance at any cost—to remain in time out while solution seeking is taking place, and once that mutually enriching love lesson is deeply absorbed, all around—love conquer all😊
The brotherhood
Girlfriends
Saturday, January 6, 2018
A TRIFECTA OF LOVE LESSONS AS THE NEW YEAR UNFOLDS
Wow!
My need to refuel (which is compelling each time my power of
Intuitive thought has worked overtime to spotlight a
Current event that has served as the primary catalyst stimulating
Subconsciously repressed emotion to re-emerge) proves every bit as
Necessary as it is to recoup physical energy after an illness or as was
Seen by the excessive amounts of sleep that my body had
Need of over this past week and a half, though I can attest to the fact that
Physical exhaustion, due to thoroughly enjoying a sequence of
Happy events, is far less stressful than reeling with mental
Exhaustion after wracking my brain to identify and release
Anxious eruptions of yesteryear’s deeply repressed stress, 24/7
Throughout this past week spent enjoying Barry’s boys
I’d sleep soundly through the night till 9am only to find
The sandman casting his sleeping spell over my brain by
Mid afternoon when my craving to grab a catnap saw me
Snoozing on the couch, followed by the sandman’s
Stealthy return as early as 9pm, when, feeling
Spellbound, my head would hit the pillow after spending
Most of each day doing little more than keeping up with
The boys, whose energy levels far surpass my own, leaving
Me to see that my spirit (freed of disruptive uprisings of
Latent anxiety) feels younger than springtime until clarity, concerning
Today’s reality, reminds me on a daily basis of how much quiet time
My aging brain and body need to refuel so that after
Hugging the boys good bye on Thursday morning, followed by
Hugging Ravi, hello, later that same day, I was, once again
Made astutely aware of my need to invoke limitations concerning
How many hours my high spirited eagerness to frolic with
My grandchildren’s energetic playfulness could last before
I’d felt need to make firm, yet kind use of my self assertive voice to
Plant this conscious awareness ever more deeply into the forefront of
Tony’s, Ray’s and Ravi’s bright young minds:
Gramma feels tired and in need of time out to recover
Energy spent in my attempts to keep up with children, whose
Batteries remain fully charged way past time when mine has
Run out of steam ... Needless to say, I don’t release
All of those words to descend upon my grandkids’think tanks
In fact, all I really say is this:
Grandma feels tired, so I need a time out while you continue to
Play until I feel ready to be your playmate, again
Generally, upon taking that reality in, all three react somewhat
Grumpily until they internalize that frowning faces will not
Change Gramma’s mind, and in this simple way does
A fun-loving adult (who’s developed a whale sized portion of
Patience, fortified by an attitude of heartfelt determination to treat
Others with gentle kindness, convey the heightened level of
Mutual respect that I hope to receive when the tables are turned) model
A trifecta of life and love lessons for a trio of young brains to absorb as
Tony, Ray and Ravi grow ever more aware of personal need to
Harness their naturally grumpy reactions, which people of all ages emote when
They fail to get others to meet their every need
In short, each time I make sound use of my self assertive voice to create
A balance between their wants and my needs, three children begin to
Developing a conscious awareness of the importance of growing into
Sociable creatures, whose kind-hearted inner strengths will draw
Kindred spirits toward connecting meaningfully with each one, and
As a bonus, each time I casually mention my need of time out to recoup
My grand children’s sponge-like think tanks absorb
This conscious awareness, as well:
Ttime out is not a punishment meted out for unruly behaviors but rather
A quiet moment in which to calm down, rebalance, reflect and re-energize
Our brains’ highly intelligent, natural desire to set power struggling
Attitudes aside in favor of choosing to enjoy mutually respectful
Social engagements with family, friends and colleagues
And as yesterday saw Ravi playing Simba whileGramma consented to
Play Uncle Scar happily for hours, today will see me enjoying a quiet day of
Mental and physical relaxation until 4:15 when Will and I will be
Picked up by dear friends as we four feel eager to enjoy
A movie made to stimulate the minds of adults to discuss
Historical facts during dinner at which time our conversation, concerning
Churchill’s darkest hour will entertain no thoughts of Simba, Mufasa or
Uncle Scar except for the fact that good will always seek creative ways to
Stop evil from attacking the peaceful state of mind that those of us who’ve
Experienced the good fortune of being raised by kindhearted parents crave
My need to refuel (which is compelling each time my power of
Intuitive thought has worked overtime to spotlight a
Current event that has served as the primary catalyst stimulating
Subconsciously repressed emotion to re-emerge) proves every bit as
Necessary as it is to recoup physical energy after an illness or as was
Seen by the excessive amounts of sleep that my body had
Need of over this past week and a half, though I can attest to the fact that
Physical exhaustion, due to thoroughly enjoying a sequence of
Happy events, is far less stressful than reeling with mental
Exhaustion after wracking my brain to identify and release
Anxious eruptions of yesteryear’s deeply repressed stress, 24/7
Throughout this past week spent enjoying Barry’s boys
I’d sleep soundly through the night till 9am only to find
The sandman casting his sleeping spell over my brain by
Mid afternoon when my craving to grab a catnap saw me
Snoozing on the couch, followed by the sandman’s
Stealthy return as early as 9pm, when, feeling
Spellbound, my head would hit the pillow after spending
Most of each day doing little more than keeping up with
The boys, whose energy levels far surpass my own, leaving
Me to see that my spirit (freed of disruptive uprisings of
Latent anxiety) feels younger than springtime until clarity, concerning
Today’s reality, reminds me on a daily basis of how much quiet time
My aging brain and body need to refuel so that after
Hugging the boys good bye on Thursday morning, followed by
Hugging Ravi, hello, later that same day, I was, once again
Made astutely aware of my need to invoke limitations concerning
How many hours my high spirited eagerness to frolic with
My grandchildren’s energetic playfulness could last before
I’d felt need to make firm, yet kind use of my self assertive voice to
Plant this conscious awareness ever more deeply into the forefront of
Tony’s, Ray’s and Ravi’s bright young minds:
Gramma feels tired and in need of time out to recover
Energy spent in my attempts to keep up with children, whose
Batteries remain fully charged way past time when mine has
Run out of steam ... Needless to say, I don’t release
All of those words to descend upon my grandkids’think tanks
In fact, all I really say is this:
Grandma feels tired, so I need a time out while you continue to
Play until I feel ready to be your playmate, again
Generally, upon taking that reality in, all three react somewhat
Grumpily until they internalize that frowning faces will not
Change Gramma’s mind, and in this simple way does
A fun-loving adult (who’s developed a whale sized portion of
Patience, fortified by an attitude of heartfelt determination to treat
Others with gentle kindness, convey the heightened level of
Mutual respect that I hope to receive when the tables are turned) model
A trifecta of life and love lessons for a trio of young brains to absorb as
Tony, Ray and Ravi grow ever more aware of personal need to
Harness their naturally grumpy reactions, which people of all ages emote when
They fail to get others to meet their every need
In short, each time I make sound use of my self assertive voice to create
A balance between their wants and my needs, three children begin to
Developing a conscious awareness of the importance of growing into
Sociable creatures, whose kind-hearted inner strengths will draw
Kindred spirits toward connecting meaningfully with each one, and
As a bonus, each time I casually mention my need of time out to recoup
My grand children’s sponge-like think tanks absorb
This conscious awareness, as well:
Ttime out is not a punishment meted out for unruly behaviors but rather
A quiet moment in which to calm down, rebalance, reflect and re-energize
Our brains’ highly intelligent, natural desire to set power struggling
Attitudes aside in favor of choosing to enjoy mutually respectful
Social engagements with family, friends and colleagues
And as yesterday saw Ravi playing Simba whileGramma consented to
Play Uncle Scar happily for hours, today will see me enjoying a quiet day of
Mental and physical relaxation until 4:15 when Will and I will be
Picked up by dear friends as we four feel eager to enjoy
A movie made to stimulate the minds of adults to discuss
Historical facts during dinner at which time our conversation, concerning
Churchill’s darkest hour will entertain no thoughts of Simba, Mufasa or
Uncle Scar except for the fact that good will always seek creative ways to
Stop evil from attacking the peaceful state of mind that those of us who’ve
Experienced the good fortune of being raised by kindhearted parents crave
These photos, which insist upon showing up in a disorderly fashion, symbolize
Disorganized thoughts falling out of our mouths whenever
Unresolved defensiveness distorts today's sense of clarity
And these videos, which refuse to open, reflect
Mental blocks that puzzle our intellects and silence our voices until
Our intuitive powers grow so strong
As to persistently alert our conscious awareness of
As to persistently alert our conscious awareness of
A subconscious secret that we keep from ourselves, which is
In serious need of reconsideration before peace of mind can be restored ...
And now, tis time for me to enjoy this morning before nap time finds me yawning 😄
Thursday, January 4, 2018
AS THE NEW YEAR AND CHANGE FOR THE BETTER CONTINUE TO UNFOLD, TOGETHER ...
Presently, Will and I are driving home from the West Coast, where we rang out the last few days of the old year with Barry, Marie, Tony. Ray, David and Bryan after celebrating Chanukah and Christmas in the desert with Steven, Celina and Ravi, who chose to ring in the New Year, caravanning to a beach house in Rocky Point with friends.
Having spent each of these past seven nights falling peacefully to sleep in Barry’s guest room, I can’t believe how quickly a whole week has sped by seemingly in less time than it takes to blink twice, suggesting that my concern about over-staying our welcome was for naught as everyone invited us to remain through the weekend ahead, which was tempting until this old saying came to mind: Always leave’em begging for more ...
Needless to say, even when life feels great, a reality check deems it's far from perfect:
Steven’s family of three arrived home from Mexico fighting the flu, while David spent much of the week ensconced in a cozy corner of Barry’s spacious U-shaped couch (which seats ten), nursing a sinus infection, exacerbated by bronchitis, and though my youngest son felt physically miserable, he was thankful for family time and non-stop football games, which absorbed his attention while the rest of us enjoyed each other’s company from morning till night ... with these exceptions: Marie had to go to work, and Tony and Ray (ages seven and six) being brothers, had to spend time separated in timeout, now and then, so as not to kill each other, because, like brothers the world over, they easily get tangled in each other’s hair at the least infraction of their attempts to share the same play space. However even then, my spirit smiled each time I heard echoes of my words flowing naturally forth from Barry’s mouth whenever my eldest son had need to mete out consequences, which made such sound use of common sense as to train the unruly nature of children’s minds away from engaging in unsociable behaviors in favor of emoting mutually respectful kindness.
“Toys are for playing not fighting—if you can’t stop fighting then this toy will be placed back on the shelf until you choose to treat each other with kindness and respect .”
“We do not insult each other. You’ll both remain in time out until you each think of a true compliment to say to your brother.”
“You are both good boys, who know better than to have done what I just saw happen, so please write letters of apology to each other.”
In the aftermath unsociable interactions, time spent in time out is preferred to taking privileges away, because upon resorting too often to the latter, power struggles between parent and child are exacerbated as small fry develop naturally into strong willed pre-teens.
While we were enjoying family time on the coast, college friends, residing in Seattle, arrived to winter, over these next three months, near our sunny home in the southwestern desert, so we’ll look forward to catching up with our snow birds once we've unpacked and refueled. You see, Will and I are not young grandparents, suggestive of the fact that we have less energy to expend in our seventies than would have been true had we been keeping pace with Tony and Ray a decade ago.
As to missing playdates with Ravi, she and Steven plan to be with us for dinner, and I can’t wait to hear her three year old spirit squealing with joy as she runs into my open arms feeling every bit as eager to find herself wrapped within her Gramma’s loving embrace as I am eager to play Lion King with my grand daughter’s lively imagination ...
And so, tis easy to see why I, feeling deeply blessed, take note, quite often of life as it clearly proves to be, offering my spirit countless reasons to feel happy, peaceful and soulfully enriched though leaps of faith and personal growth spurts will surely challenge my intuitive powers to think deep as 2018 sees my intelligence advancing ever so cautiously toward proactively embracing insight-driven trains of thought, spotlighting my good fortune so as to ease my heart’s way through the inevitable reality of sustaining irretrievable losses, which classically accompany old age ...
PS
Though none of my valiant efforts to post videos of our New Year's Eve party (enjoyed with several families whose children are similar in age to Tony and Ray) met with success, here is a photo taken on New Year's Day outside of the restaurant, over-looking the ocean, where our family lunched with our niece (my flower girl of fifty-two years ago) her husband and their grown sons
Having spent each of these past seven nights falling peacefully to sleep in Barry’s guest room, I can’t believe how quickly a whole week has sped by seemingly in less time than it takes to blink twice, suggesting that my concern about over-staying our welcome was for naught as everyone invited us to remain through the weekend ahead, which was tempting until this old saying came to mind: Always leave’em begging for more ...
Needless to say, even when life feels great, a reality check deems it's far from perfect:
Steven’s family of three arrived home from Mexico fighting the flu, while David spent much of the week ensconced in a cozy corner of Barry’s spacious U-shaped couch (which seats ten), nursing a sinus infection, exacerbated by bronchitis, and though my youngest son felt physically miserable, he was thankful for family time and non-stop football games, which absorbed his attention while the rest of us enjoyed each other’s company from morning till night ... with these exceptions: Marie had to go to work, and Tony and Ray (ages seven and six) being brothers, had to spend time separated in timeout, now and then, so as not to kill each other, because, like brothers the world over, they easily get tangled in each other’s hair at the least infraction of their attempts to share the same play space. However even then, my spirit smiled each time I heard echoes of my words flowing naturally forth from Barry’s mouth whenever my eldest son had need to mete out consequences, which made such sound use of common sense as to train the unruly nature of children’s minds away from engaging in unsociable behaviors in favor of emoting mutually respectful kindness.
“Toys are for playing not fighting—if you can’t stop fighting then this toy will be placed back on the shelf until you choose to treat each other with kindness and respect .”
“We do not insult each other. You’ll both remain in time out until you each think of a true compliment to say to your brother.”
“You are both good boys, who know better than to have done what I just saw happen, so please write letters of apology to each other.”
In the aftermath unsociable interactions, time spent in time out is preferred to taking privileges away, because upon resorting too often to the latter, power struggles between parent and child are exacerbated as small fry develop naturally into strong willed pre-teens.
While we were enjoying family time on the coast, college friends, residing in Seattle, arrived to winter, over these next three months, near our sunny home in the southwestern desert, so we’ll look forward to catching up with our snow birds once we've unpacked and refueled. You see, Will and I are not young grandparents, suggestive of the fact that we have less energy to expend in our seventies than would have been true had we been keeping pace with Tony and Ray a decade ago.
As to missing playdates with Ravi, she and Steven plan to be with us for dinner, and I can’t wait to hear her three year old spirit squealing with joy as she runs into my open arms feeling every bit as eager to find herself wrapped within her Gramma’s loving embrace as I am eager to play Lion King with my grand daughter’s lively imagination ...
And so, tis easy to see why I, feeling deeply blessed, take note, quite often of life as it clearly proves to be, offering my spirit countless reasons to feel happy, peaceful and soulfully enriched though leaps of faith and personal growth spurts will surely challenge my intuitive powers to think deep as 2018 sees my intelligence advancing ever so cautiously toward proactively embracing insight-driven trains of thought, spotlighting my good fortune so as to ease my heart’s way through the inevitable reality of sustaining irretrievable losses, which classically accompany old age ...
Though none of my valiant efforts to post videos of our New Year's Eve party (enjoyed with several families whose children are similar in age to Tony and Ray) met with success, here is a photo taken on New Year's Day outside of the restaurant, over-looking the ocean, where our family lunched with our niece (my flower girl of fifty-two years ago) her husband and their grown sons
The smile you see reflects my spirit's natural appreciation of life's simple pleasures whenever my good fortune feels crystal clear
The necklace I'm wearing, given to me on Mother's Day, was created by my dear friend, Katie, who was fifteen when Barry (who squired Katie to their senior prom) brought her home for the first time during their sophomore year in high school
Over the years, Katie (whose elder son is now a sophomore in high school) has come to know her friend, Annie, very well ...
(when working to achieve a heartfelt goal)
Over the years, Katie (whose elder son is now a sophomore in high school) has come to know her friend, Annie, very well ...
The disc dangling at the end of the chain worn round my neck is engraved with three words:
💖Never Give Up😃(when working to achieve a heartfelt goal)
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
AUGURI PER UN FELICE 2018😊
I’ve continued to edit the post published just before this one ...
Why? Because each morning, that’s what
My power of intuition directs the conscious portion of
My brain to do, suggesting that in the absence of
An eruptive episode of yesteryear’s fear arising from
Subconscious storage to disrupt the clarity of
My mental connection to intelligence, my whole brain feels
Determined to work decisively (rather than devisively) toward
Identifying an insight, which will remain cocooned within
Subconscious storage until an intuitive sense of readiness
Spotlights another morsel of timeless wisdom, which
Having been passed down from one generation to the next, is
Currently tunneling its way out of subconscious memory toward
The surface of my intellect’s connection to clarity where
My conscious awareness awaits to mindfully absorb
A deeper truth, which in its current state of fogginess will continue to
Test my patience until the oven timer inside my head
Goes off, signaling my readiness to freely embrace
A newly emergent, insight-driven train of thought, which
Will kick off the next set of personal growth spurts that will
Continue to strengthen my think tank’s connection to wholeness once
2018 gets off to a running start ... Hey! Guess what?
A feeling just arose alerting my conscious awareness to
Take note of the fact that while penning today’s post
The half baked insight, which has remained
Just beyond my mental reach, has been readying itself to
Slip out of my subconscious, suggesting that
Today’s train of thought has been readying
My conscious awareness to expand its current framework to
Welcome the next series of mental growth spurts, which
Are sure to be mine as soon as this peaceful rest stop, which
I’ve been enjoying, comes to an end, and here is why
My readiness to embrace this next insight, concerning
Additional gowth spurts has ripened:
My passion for taking leaps of faith, each of which has
Historically connected my intellect with an inter-related series of
Personally enriching growth spurts, has re-energized with
One welcome difference (and here comes the dawning of
The insight, which will serve to clearly brighten
Any dark feeling of mental grogginess right out of my head):
As 2018 unfolds, additional insights will offer my brain’s conscious
Connection to clarity much more in the way of personal gain with
Much less need of reliving latent anxiety than had ever been
True before, and today’s insight-driven thought of more gain/less pain
Inspires my intuitive connection to joy to thankfully exclaim:
Hip, hip hooray! I’ve made my way through the worst of
Yesteryear’s storms, suggestive of this next welcome insight, as well:
Now that so much tightly coiled subconsciously repressed tension (based in
Undeserved guilt, unidentified grief and unresolved childhood fears, all of
Which had remained painfully blocked from conscious awareness behind
My defensive wall of denial) has been consciously released, yesteryear’s
Latent anxiety, having been spent, is no longer empowered to
Drug my spirit into feeling weighed down under eruptive uprisings of
Stubbornly defensive episodes of emotional darkness that did not
Seem to make sense until my intuitive powers released insights that
Made sense of reactiveness which seemed to be nonsense until
My intuitive intelligence had successfully connected the dots linking
Two experiences that had, at first glance, appeared to be utterly
Unrelated, and with today's insight-driven awareness clearly
In mind, I can feel my innermost state of joy releasing in
Appreciation of the miracle of the life that is mine to enjoy, every day, and
Now that my existential voice feels fully fueled by acthink tank that’s
Worked determinedly toward filling itself up with high octane
Positively focused energy, my soulful connection to gladness at
Feeling wholly alive feels free to ring out the old and ring in the new by
Pealing out loud, clear as a bell, with: Auguri per un felice 2018😊
PS: The post published previous to this one is no longer in need of editing🌻
Why? Because each morning, that’s what
My power of intuition directs the conscious portion of
My brain to do, suggesting that in the absence of
An eruptive episode of yesteryear’s fear arising from
Subconscious storage to disrupt the clarity of
My mental connection to intelligence, my whole brain feels
Determined to work decisively (rather than devisively) toward
Identifying an insight, which will remain cocooned within
Subconscious storage until an intuitive sense of readiness
Spotlights another morsel of timeless wisdom, which
Having been passed down from one generation to the next, is
Currently tunneling its way out of subconscious memory toward
The surface of my intellect’s connection to clarity where
My conscious awareness awaits to mindfully absorb
A deeper truth, which in its current state of fogginess will continue to
Test my patience until the oven timer inside my head
Goes off, signaling my readiness to freely embrace
A newly emergent, insight-driven train of thought, which
Will kick off the next set of personal growth spurts that will
Continue to strengthen my think tank’s connection to wholeness once
2018 gets off to a running start ... Hey! Guess what?
A feeling just arose alerting my conscious awareness to
Take note of the fact that while penning today’s post
The half baked insight, which has remained
Just beyond my mental reach, has been readying itself to
Slip out of my subconscious, suggesting that
Today’s train of thought has been readying
My conscious awareness to expand its current framework to
Welcome the next series of mental growth spurts, which
Are sure to be mine as soon as this peaceful rest stop, which
I’ve been enjoying, comes to an end, and here is why
My readiness to embrace this next insight, concerning
Additional gowth spurts has ripened:
My passion for taking leaps of faith, each of which has
Historically connected my intellect with an inter-related series of
Personally enriching growth spurts, has re-energized with
One welcome difference (and here comes the dawning of
The insight, which will serve to clearly brighten
Any dark feeling of mental grogginess right out of my head):
As 2018 unfolds, additional insights will offer my brain’s conscious
Connection to clarity much more in the way of personal gain with
Much less need of reliving latent anxiety than had ever been
True before, and today’s insight-driven thought of more gain/less pain
Inspires my intuitive connection to joy to thankfully exclaim:
Hip, hip hooray! I’ve made my way through the worst of
Yesteryear’s storms, suggestive of this next welcome insight, as well:
Now that so much tightly coiled subconsciously repressed tension (based in
Undeserved guilt, unidentified grief and unresolved childhood fears, all of
Which had remained painfully blocked from conscious awareness behind
My defensive wall of denial) has been consciously released, yesteryear’s
Latent anxiety, having been spent, is no longer empowered to
Drug my spirit into feeling weighed down under eruptive uprisings of
Stubbornly defensive episodes of emotional darkness that did not
Seem to make sense until my intuitive powers released insights that
Made sense of reactiveness which seemed to be nonsense until
My intuitive intelligence had successfully connected the dots linking
Two experiences that had, at first glance, appeared to be utterly
Unrelated, and with today's insight-driven awareness clearly
In mind, I can feel my innermost state of joy releasing in
Appreciation of the miracle of the life that is mine to enjoy, every day, and
Now that my existential voice feels fully fueled by acthink tank that’s
Worked determinedly toward filling itself up with high octane
Positively focused energy, my soulful connection to gladness at
Feeling wholly alive feels free to ring out the old and ring in the new by
Pealing out loud, clear as a bell, with: Auguri per un felice 2018😊
PS: The post published previous to this one is no longer in need of editing🌻
Monday, January 1, 2018
LET’S EMBRACE NEW BEGINNINGS WHILE RINGING IN 2018
Here’s a train of thought worth considering most especially on this first day of the new year: The persistence of an inner conflict that just won’t quit is clearly indicative of my intuitive powers nudging my conscious awareness to identify a closed mindset due to a mental block that blinds me from unlocking another door in my wall of denial, beyond which exists a sunlit path beckoning my sagging spirit’s flagging sense of courage to recharge so fully as to be energized to quell episodic eruptions of latent anxiety so quickly as to achieve each next series of inter-related growth spurts more easily than ever before by disempowering fear from intertwining yesteryear’s terrors with pleasurable events taking place, today, suggestive of this change for the better: The conscious portion of my brain’s expansive capacity to consider how best to adapt to change for the better showcases my ability to heal every aspect of my self esteem, which had sustained wounds so grievous as to have shattered a bewildered child’s tenuous hold on wholeness, which has been in need of compassionate restoration, piece by piece, ever since life began to terrify me at the highly vulnerable age of three. And so, as the new year begins to unfold, like a newly born, long legged foal, standing up on its own for the very first time, what could be better than looking forward to my newly restored sense of existential wholeness feeling so freed of yesteryear’s terrors as to embrace the unknown with renewed inner peace so as to inspire every newly synthesized personal strength to clearly acknowledge that which I believe to be my recently healed connection to wholeness, which catalyzes my smile to sparkle with sincerity simply because I feel deeply appreciative of being alive.
Paraphrasing George Burns, consummate comedian, on his hundredth birthday:
Every morning, I read the obituaries, and if my name isn’t there, I arise from my bed, light a cigar and greet the day with a smile ..
As I’ve decided to embrace George’s humorous attitude as my own (sans cigar), my spirit feels eager to rise to the challenge of welcoming 2018 with open arms, open mind and a heartfelt smile, knowing that life and love will always feel darkest before each next sunlit dawning, which is inevitably worth awakening to enjoy each time my conscious connection to clarity refocuses my subconscious attitude away from the eruptive force of yesteryear’s fear in favor of working, yet again, toward achieving a lasting sense of change for the better, concerning peace of mind. :)
PS
Along with not smoking cigars, I’ve not begun to read the obituaries
Paraphrasing George Burns, consummate comedian, on his hundredth birthday:
Every morning, I read the obituaries, and if my name isn’t there, I arise from my bed, light a cigar and greet the day with a smile ..
As I’ve decided to embrace George’s humorous attitude as my own (sans cigar), my spirit feels eager to rise to the challenge of welcoming 2018 with open arms, open mind and a heartfelt smile, knowing that life and love will always feel darkest before each next sunlit dawning, which is inevitably worth awakening to enjoy each time my conscious connection to clarity refocuses my subconscious attitude away from the eruptive force of yesteryear’s fear in favor of working, yet again, toward achieving a lasting sense of change for the better, concerning peace of mind. :)
Along with not smoking cigars, I’ve not begun to read the obituaries
Sunday, December 31, 2017
EAGER TO CELEBRATE A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR’S EVE
Having labored for more than an hour, this morning, in hopes of reducing and creating consistency concerning the sizable font of the post published previous to today’s, every creative effort employed failed to meet with success, so I decided to consider the stubborn inconsistency of that font as symbolizing mental incongruencies, which remain so resistant to change as to perplex the orderly nature of our think tanks to differing degrees ... and with today’s train of thought simply stated, I’ll leave you to prepare for New Year’s Eve, which, hopefully, you’ll enjoy celebrating with family and friends as will I 😊
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