Soooo ... I awoke this morning with a glimmer into this writer's block, which limits my ability to express myself openly, freely, naturally. It's as if the rule following side of my mind—fearful of where my quest to KNOW MYSELF may take me, next—is the gatekeeper, blocking me from re-examining certain rules, which had limited my choices.
To some degree and for good reason, we are all rule followers. In lieu of rules, anarchy and chaos would dominate over all.
Recently, I've come to see why rule followers, who fear deviating from the norm, cannot muster the courage to develop into individuals who think for themselves. Rather than developing into unique individuals, working creatively to produce positive change, rule followers huddle as close to the center of the bell shaped curve as possible, because the middle ground is where they feel safest of all. You know—as in better safe than climbing out on a limb in order to express expansive views, which prove long overdue.
Whereas rule followers' narrow views are written in stone, expansive minds grow courageous wings, which fly from one philosophy to another until one's philosophy of life connects with common sense more often than adhering to 'shoulds', which, upon deeper thought, are a lot like laws that make no sense, at all. Need an example ... rent The Help.
Speaking as one who'd subscribed to live-love-laugh-and-BE-happy by serving the needs of others, today finds me exploring a path where I'll live, love and laugh freely and naturally by thinking for myself—not to be confused with considering only myself. If asked how my philosophy of life differs today from yesterday, I'd say: Whereas yesterday I'd imitated patterns set firmly in place by others—because my decisions had been based in fear of what might be lost—today my process is focused upon what may be gained by diving into my mind in hopes of thinking deeper than ever before! And as a result of thinking in solitude, insight into deeper truths emerge.
Yesterday, when you looked for my smile, I may have made a gift of it tremulously. Today, my smile emerges naturally lit from within or not at all.
If you need assurance that whatever you see on the surface is what I truly FEEL, just look into my eyes. From shy to smolder to dancing with joy, my eyes reflect that which my spirit feels inside.
Though my mind may be processing seriously to encourage narrow trains of thought to switch tracks, somehow, as soon as certain people turn up, my smile does, too. And here is why that's true: Each time my spirit connects with one who subscribes to the prescription of BE YOURSELF, my smile ignites, spontaneously. You see, being with that person feels like being warmly welcomed home.
On the other hand, the fact that I'm actively converting my thought processor into an independent thinking machine does not mean that the herding instinct has been left behind. In fact it's the herding instinct that conflicts with my instinct to think for myself. Hey! Let's take a deeper look at that insight, which just popped out of my head!
Inner conflict results when opposing instincts lock horns!
With that insight in mind, I can minimize inner conflict and maximize peace of mind in this way: I can choose to embrace both sides of my nature as a whole. In order to accept myself as a whole human being, I'll need to embrace the existence of my wild thing instead of closing my eyes and adopting the pretense that she does not exist, at all. In truth, we all belong to the animal kingdom. What separates us from the lower species within the kingdom is this: Our wild things can be trained not to devour more vulnerable beings.
Once my wild thing is accepted by me, common sense suggests that I accept yours, as well. And if it happens that my wild thing has received more training than yours, I'll not judge you more harshly than I'd judge myself if we exchange emotional responses that prove as turbulent as sailing through an ocean storm with wild things on board ... you know ... kind of like Pi, who, having sailed through a slew of emotional storms, came to understand why the intelligent side of his mind had need to dominate the tiger, which naturally had need to walk the wild side ...
Today, while basking in the gift of a warm and lovely, sunny morning—suggesting that I'm not currently in the Midwest—my intelligence is clarifying when to control my wild thing vs when to allow it to fly free of societal constraint. And in exchange for absorbing these positive trains of thought—guess what kind of baggage my mind is working to unload?
My mind is unloading undeserved guilt. Each time undeserved guilt, which weighs heavy on the creative side of my mind, unloads, I enjoy a rebalanced view of choices that allow me to live, love, laugh—and write—with less inner conflict more natural joy de vie :)
And now, having gained a sense of clarity into the ways that narrow mind sets create undeserved guilt, hopefully, my turbulent state of mind will lift and stories will emerge, naturally—before too long :)
