A NEW AWARENESS, EVERY DAY

If you think

It’s easy

To buoy

My spirit

And calm

My mind

While

Patiently

Awaiting

Thursday’s biopsy

I respectfully

Request that

You think, again

As a matter of fact

I’ve just charged

Myself with

Becoming aware

Every day, of

Something for which

To feel grateful that

I’ve not yet

Thought to

Consciously process

In hopes of

Recharging

My spirit

Upon awakening

Every morning

And as to

Thursday’s

Biopsy—

Please

Let it go well

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

DETAILED FACTS VS BREAD AND BUTTER

Steven came to watch last night’s bbl blowout with Will, David and yours truly.  Since this is a school night, we were happily surprised when Ravi bounced merrily over the threshold of our front door

Being a bright child, Ravi chose certain toys to carry into the living room, so her Uncle David could glance up at the TV while his imagination engaged with hers—and actually, while playing with Ravi, David was saved a lot of frustration as tonight’s loss has literally gone down in history as our team’s most humiliating effort, ever!  Like Humpty Dumpty, they totally fell apart and could not get it together—at all.

Unfortunately, I received an email saying that the next 8 week series of my Zoom Shakespeare discussion group (scheduled to begin this coming Friday) has been cancelled due to health issues on the part of our instructor.  We were eager to study, discuss and watch The Bard’s play of Richard III.

We all hope that whatever is ailing Paul is not serious.

On an up note, one of my Zoom friends in the class, Andrea, recommended a novel invested with factual details presenting the life of King Richard III in a brand new light.  And so, in readiness for our Shakespeare class, I’d ordered a copy of that historical novel from iBooks, the title of which is:  The Sunne in Spleandour

The author is Sharon Kay Penman.

Yup—the same researcher who’d penned the page-turning series mentioned in yesterday’s post.

As Penman’s detailed version of Richard’s life is enriched with little known or overlooked facts (history is written by the victors)—and as Shakespeare’s plays were penned and produced during the  1600’s while Queen Elizabeth I reigned supreme, his depiction of Richard’s cold hearted evil machinations would have been politically correct, thus endearing the playrite to his Queen, ensuring the seats in his theater being filled with titled lords and their tightly corseted, wisp-waisted ladies favored by their monarch (and cleverly did The Bard pack his plays with bawdy barbs, thus packing in the ‘cockneyed’ class, welcomed to hover so close to the stage as to remain separated from seated gentry—of course).

Believe me when I say that by the end of each performance, The Bard had made certain that words he’d penned had pleased high society, lower classes and no one more than the Queen, being that Shakespeare’s plays had translated into his family’s bread and butter.

As to the cancellation of Richard III, we’ll certainly miss the fun of studying Shakespeare in the relaxed atmosphere created by our instructor.  Our last play was Measure For Measure.  Here I am as Isabel, a virginal novice, and my friend, Chuck, who plays my brother, Claudio, wearing jail garb as he’s been condemned to death for ‘fornicating’ with his pregnant fiancée before they were wed.  Claudio has been sentenced by the ‘pious’ magistrate whose lust to bed Isabel (while she pleads for her brother’s life) ignores the fact that this man of Justice is threatening to have his way with an innocent nun—suggestive of the fact that insight into human hypocrisy (which continues to prove classic, universal and timeless), has been one of Shakespeare’s greatest gifts to his patrons for more than four hundred years.

As you can see, the cancellation of our Shakespearean studies is a huge disappointment, all around.

Thank goodness, I’d followed up on Andrea’s recommendation of Penman’s series of well researched historical fiction so as to enjoy and consider this author’s rendition of historical characters, whose impassioned need for power reflects the same unrest  and miscarriage of Justice that persists throughout our world, today.

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

WAITING NECESSITATES PATIENCE

 As my ultrasound/biopsy is

Not Scheduled until

This coming Thursday

Thank goodness

Our spirits remain strong so as to

Muster the patience needed to

Enjoy one day at a time to

The best of our ability—

Because to live in

An anxious state of

Despair is

Such a waste of

Precious time with

Those I love

(When the going

Gets rough

Some things

Bear repeating to

Oneself)

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

L’CHAIM!

Being that

Life is much more

Complicated than

Anyone can fathom

 Here’s what we know so far:

Much to our shocked reaction

My most recent PET scan

And chest CT offered us

Unwelcome information

I have a new tumor in my left flank

And four nodules of unknown origin

Two in my chest cavity

Two in my neck

My case was presented at

Mayo’s tumor conference and

As a result of these findings

Here is how we will proceed:

An ultrasound/biopsy of

One of the neck nodules is

Scheduled for this coming

Thursday (unless

A cancellation

Sees me having

The procedure, sooner)

If the nodule is benign

Surgery to remove

The new tumor will be

Scheduled followed by

Chemotherapy in

Hopes of prolonging

My longevity

If the nodule is

Malignant

We’ll go straight to

Chemotherapy

Though this news is

Devastating

We’ve kicked despair

To Timbuktu in favor of

Feeling grateful that

Our spirits are strong while

Our minds work toward

Absorbing

The inherent wisdom of

Enjoying one day at a time to

The best of our ability—

Because to live in

A state of despair is

Such a waste of

Precious time with

Those I love

And thus do

I proclaim

L’Chaim!  To life!

As always

I’ll keep you ‘posted’

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

BALANCE IN ALL THINGS

While my defense system’s

Bubble of numbness protects

My spirit from collapse

I feel cheerful

More often than not

Because

A cheerful state of mind

Has been

My modus operand over

Most of my life, and

That’s especially

True whenever

The going gets rough

However, if you ask

How long will

This cheerful demeanor

Prevail?  I’d reply—I have

No conscious clue, though

My power of intuition

Suggests that

Something is

Bound to happen that

Will pop the bubble, which

Safeguards me

Temporarily, from

Falling into the state of

Emotional pain that

Awaits to claim me

Once

I am able to

Land on my feet

Feeling

More grounded in

Personal strengths than

Ever before

And thus do we see

My processor devising

A plan in which

Despair is cast

To Timbuktu in

Favor of my sense of

Wholeness withstanding

The inevitability of

The emotional reaction that

Will surely emerge from

Within the depths of

My core after

I’ve mustered

The courage to

Balance

The cruel reality that

 Will be mine to

Bear, bolstered by

An abundance of

Loving support with which

My strength of

Spirit has truly been blessed

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

Still awaiting

A call from

My surgeon and

Oncologist concerning

My case, scheduled for

Presentation at

This week’s

Tumor conference 

 

A CLOUDED STATE OF NUMBNESS

 In case you think me

Unnaturally

Matter-of-fact about

The pathology report of

Last Thursday’s biopsy

It’s my belief that

My defense system has

Numbed my

Emotional reactiveness until

My power of intuition

Believes my processor

Ready to absorb

Yesterday’s unwelcome

Information without

Drowning my spirit in

Abject devastation

So just as this

Clouded sense of

Numbness is not denial

Neither must

My current state of

Numbness be

Mistaken for courage

👩🏻Annie

Thank goodness

Ravi is

Coming to play

Today

PATHOLOGY REPORT

 So—

As long as I don’t talk about ‘it’

Or write about ‘it’

 ‘It’ remains much more

Surreal than real

The ‘it’ I’m referring to is

The pathology report that

Stunned our family

(And my doctors) into

A numbed state of disbelief

And speaking for myself

I’ve not yet processed

Yesterday’s news concerning

The fact that the small mass

Seen on last week’s PET scan is

A cancerous tumor situated

Subcutaneously on

The left flank of my body (which is

No where near my right lung, which

Nine months ago, was

Surgically removed

And so, dear friends, here is

All I can tell you, right now:

Though my mind is clouded

My spirit remains buoyed by

This awareness—

I plan to enjoy whatever time

I have left with

Beloved family and

Treasured friends to

The best of my ability

I think you’d also like

To know that

My case will be presented at

Mayo’s tumor conference, tomorrow

After which, my oncologist and surgeon

Will discuss a strategic plan in hopes of

Prolonging my love of life for

As long as is humanly possible

As always, I’ll keep you apprised of

Whatever happens, next

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie