518 A FISH STORY FOR YOU ... AND MORE

I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with my kids.  Little time to write.  But having just begun to post, again, I don't want you to think I've disappeared, again.  So here is something that I hope will warm your heart until I warm up to adventuring through high school with you ...

Having been swept into my husband’s family while I was still inhigh school, his aunts, uncles and cousins became mine.  Uncle Sam was everyone’sfavorite uncle  (sadly, we lost him recently).  Uncle Lou was calledthe ‘Mean Uncle’, and upon meeting Lou at seventeen, he scared the holysmokes out of me.  After giving me the once over, he turnedseventeen-year old me around and told Will he wasn’t sure if I was a keeper... one day I’d have a fat -ss.  At family gatherings, every Friday night,I’d cling to Uncle Sam and stay clear of Lou.  As Will reassured me thatLou had a heart of gold, I figured he’d locked it in a vault.  Uncle Lou lived in two cities. Five days, selling insurance in Grand Rapids, weekends in Skokie withAunt Helen and their kids.  You’dthink I’d write lots more about Sam, sweetheart that he was, but if Sam won myheart, Lou grabbed my mind.  Anyway, Lou had diabetes.  Sadly, helost one leg.  Then the other.  Once we all went to a restaurant andwaited so long to be seated that he called the hostess over and growled: How much longer are you going to make us wait—I’ve already eaten bothmy legs.  She turned purple and shrunk up like a prune along with me. As opposites attract, Uncles Sam and Lou were great buds.  And guesswhat their favorite weekend pastime was?  Stripe bass, Croppies/crappies(sp?) and an out board motor on Pistakee Bay.  At one time or another, each of the cousins accompanied them—including me.  What to do with a girl in aboat, with three guys and a pee can? Try to improve her aim?  Insist thatshe hold it all day? Tease her all the way to wherever an outhouse might befound?  The uncles pick up Will and me at 4AM.  Where did I sleep?  Withmy boyfriend’s mom.  Stop for coffee and donuts and the adventure ison.  As my Dad had been my best friend, I am game for pretty much anything these guys can throw and have a ball—while trying to stay clear of Lou’s sarcastic eye. Once the outhouse is found I feel relieved and scamper back into theboat, sit down and watch Uncle Sam, one leg in the boat, the other pushing off from thedock.  For some reason this great guy, who is all heart, loses hisbalance, and—you know what happens next.  You also know who takes theblame—cause had the pita aimed for the can, no one would have ended up all wet.  Over the years, all of our kids went fishing with the uncles, and as the story goes, Barry and Steven threw more fish at each other than either one caught.  Unlike ourcompetitive sons, the uncles were brothers-in-law, so, weekend after weekend,they got along just fine.

Another story comes to mind.  Theuncles are fishing with our cousin Allen (a fly fisherman, today) and though Will had planned to join them, something comes up at the hospital, and he mustdecline.  Later that day, Uncle Sam calls.  Go look outside yourkitchen door.  By now we live on the third floor in Grandville Gardens onHoyne near Devon.  About fifty fish are strung all over our screen door. It is, Saturday, July 3rd.  I remember, because my mother-in-law has had everyone over for the 4th.  On Sunday, we are gathered in Mom’s back yard when I tellUncle Sam to relax and let me make his lunch.  Taking his plate from myhands, he thanks for me and looks at two great big fat sandwiches on rye withmustard, pickle, tomato, and lettuce not quite covering a pair of fish eyes.  Being allergic to fish, especially raw fish, Uncle Sam was not inclined to eat Sushi, prepared by me.  On the other hand, Uncle Sam is always as ready to laugh as we are ready to join in. Later that evening, we call Uncle Sam and suggest that he walk down thestairs and collect his mail in the foyer of his apartment complex.  Whatdoes he find trying to swim into his mailbox by special delivery? A big fat fish, trying to squeeze in tail first.  It’sa hot night.  Everyone’s window air conditioners are going full blast. For some strange reason, something smells fishy in every corner of Uncle Sam’sfirst floor bedroom throughout the night.  Being allergic, Uncle Sam always brings thefish he catches to the home for the blind.  Thoughthere were lots of cousins. Uncle Sam made me feel like his special girl forfifty years.  I’ll bet we all feltthat way.  In his dotage, we flew him, along with Aunty Gerty, to staywith us Phoenix while the other aunts and uncles tried to figure out why we’dfavored them with such a special treat.  We’d never forgotten what UncleSam had done when our eldest son, Barry was born in California.  Upon calling Aunt Gerty inChicago, to share our joy, we asked to speak with Uncle Sam, and here iswhat we heard:  He can’t come to the phone, right now. Oh—disappointment—forty-three years ago long distant calls wereexpensive and reserved for once in a while.  Okay.  When shall wecall back?  Not for a week.  A week?  Where is he?  He’s ona train.  On a train?  Going where?  To California to welcome Barry into the fold.  Uncle Sam's good natured heart often made me laugh.  That night hemade me cry.  Will, too.  On a train, because he couldn’t afford aplane.  On a train to L.A. because he didn’t know that that train passed rightby the station in San Bernadino, which is near Redlands, where we lived while Will was in The Air Force at March—where Barry had just been born—funny storiesabout giving birth in an air force hospital, where I pretty much looked after myself—to my mother’s consternation.  And being that I was a patient in Will’s hospital, no princess was going to ask for special favors—that’s for sure! On a train because Sam had a heart of gold.  Anyway, we drove along side that train for two hours, clickity-clack,  untilit pulled into the station in L.A. And after collecting Uncle Sam close to ourhearts, he and we, with babe in arms, drove parallel to those train tracks,again, two hours home.  Needless to say, Uncle Sam flew home. Some people are family.  Some are the family's treasure.  Uncle Samwas one of my all time favorite guys—not just because he’d ‘adopted’ Will ashis third son after my husband’s father died.  Not just because Will worked along side him on his truck, summers.  Not just because Sam came outto watch Wiill play ball.  Not just because I’d melt each time Sam smiled and said, Annie, you are my heart.”  But because, when it came to hearts ofgold, Uncle Sam always wore his on his sleeve, and he is trulymissed by one and all.  Severalyears ago, we were at a family wedding in Chicago.  Barry and Steven werekibitzing with Sam.  After a few minutes Sam saw a young man, whom he tookto be a friend of our sons, sauntering up to join in their conversation, sobeing a friendly guy, he smiled, stuck out his hand and introduced himself,saying hello, I’m Barry’s and Steven’s Uncle Sam.  The young man, took holdof the older man’s hand and said, Glad to meet you.  You’re my uncle Sam,too.  I’m David.  Sam was flabbergasted and we were hysterical, just aswe are whenever one of us relates this story, again.  Uncle Sam hadn’tseen David for about three years, and during that time, our youngest son hadgrown from boyhood to manhood.  From that time on, David would walk up toSam, hold out his hand and introduce himself as one of Barry’s and Steven’sfriends—then they’d laugh and bear hug.   I never wrote these stories,before.  From beginning to end, my smile has been running as deep as thebay ...  I love telling stories to you...thank you for asking for more.  I'm also glad to be back.  I've missed spending time with you.  :)

Your friend,

Annie 

517 OMG! BLOG ABOUT TO CATCH FIRE!!!

Come one, come all! 

Welcome to the high school life of

A good girl, who's about to undergo

A series of growing pains

In full view while making her way

Toward growing into a woman

Who seeks to make good use of

Hard won inner strengths

Whew!

Though the ditty penned above

Makes perfect sense to me ...

You might want to read

That mind-full of complexity—twice

If you choose to accept this mission

Of riding sidekick through the high school life of

 Goody-Two-Shoes
Then here’s what's to be gained ...

From watching me plow through pain

While working to pulverize

Boulder-sized insecurities:

Together, we’ll witness a person

Working to clear a path

Whereby societal constraints

That cause classic love lessons

To grow ever more complex—

May simplify, at last

And what, I ask

Could be a better topic

For a blog to address—

Throughout a world gone mad—

Than a discourse devoted to simplifying

Mixed messages that mess with our minds?

With time and patience

We'll plow through posts

Till we understand

And conquer societal constraints

Which confound us as a whole

With time and patience

Here is why peace of mind

Shall descend over all:

Each time we lift a constraint

Both sides of the brain relax …

And get so spongy as to naturally

Soak in common sense …

With common sense, deeper truths

Connect different points of view

As naturally as letters

Create words out of Scrabble

And dominos, line up

In a logical, orderly fashion

Though it's true that my mind

Has lain dormant as of late

Dormancy is giving way, today

To a compelling burst of creativity

Which is in the process of energizing

A chariot of fire

That will drive my blog

Into hidden corners of my memory bank

Where stories remain untapped in the dark

And if you ask how I know

That this corner of my mind

Is about to light up with insight

As never before

I'll reply, I don't know that to be true—

I simply sense it, through and through! :)

As true tales of high school

Ready them selves to roll out of my mind

One at a time

Let’s hope insightful answers

To classic riddles will dive

Ever more deeply

Into that which causes

Life and love to grow complex

Most especially at those times

When teens of both genders

Are groping their way, classically, blindly

Toward grasping that which

Causes success to shape up—or not

For example:

If asked what occurred

Which readied a naïve, young girl

To grow into a woman

Who remained naive in worldly ways—

Until such time as she’d bantered

Blushingly and yet self-confidently

With her secret high school crush—

Thirty years after graduation—

I'd be inclined to say—

We need to ride two years back

Into this fifty year old woman’s past

To see how one change leads to the next

And once we view that which Fate

Had tossed upon her path

We’ll see that which catalyzed her mind

To set out on a personal quest

Where difficult lessons in self-awareness

Showcased personal strengths

Which, as you shall see

Had proved to be—half-baked—at best

And just as with stories already posted—

Which examine Annie’s childhood—

We’ll get a bird’s eye view

Of how, while adventuring through high school

This teen’s intelligent though processor

Was put to the test, repeatedly

While her brain worked desperately

To hone in on this fact:

Reality will continually offer

Annie opportunities to strip layers

Of Blindness away

In hopes of freeing her from a maze of denial

Into which she'd traumatically stumbled

At the vulnerable, highly impressionable

Age of three

So—if you agree

To ride sidekick in my time machine

Back and forth across the timeline of my life

Then we shall play witness

To fate directing

A tot, teen, bride, mother and woman

To embrace a path

Where blindness grows sighted in this way:

First, we’ll watch fear

Scare Annie half to death—repeatedly

Then, courage will have reason

To invite fear to step aside

In hopes that humility will take center stage

Thus cueing this woman

To open her eyes to every opportunity

Which points toward her need

To learn as much as she can

About the contradicting functions

Of the human brain, which—

Upon dictating her decisions

Breathes life into her spirit—

Or bursts her balloons

With patience and time

We’ll watch a teen grow toward womanhood

Where she’ll learn to embrace insights

Into life and love

With such dizzying speed

That we’ll come to understand

That which catalyzes Annie’s need

To delete old schools of thought

While creating additional files

Where new schools of thought

May be stored

In a well-organized fashion

Inside her ever-expanding mind ...

Until—eventually—Annie

Eases her way

Out of that maze

Which had tangled up

A three-year old’s self-esteem

Thus holding peace of mind hostage

For decades to come

By accepting this mission

To time travel with me

You’ll come to see that which challenges

A bubbly, secretly shy, Jr. High wall flower

To bloom into a woman

Who consciously sets her sights

Toward mustering the courage necessary

To make her way out of a paper bag

In hopes of experiencing a life well lived

And while watching Annie work to rewire

The decision-making capabilities

Of her mind

We’ll see how she tracks trains of thought

Which point toward fatal flaws

That indicate her sense of thoroughness

May not be entirely intact ...

Due to this fact:

Vital pieces of bigger pictures

Are in need of being retrieved

As my blog offers you countless opportunities

To see into me

I hope to arouse a global desire in individuals

To come to KNOW THYSELF

More openly,  honestly, thoroughly

Than ever before

 Why?

Because intuition suggests that

The way to ensure looking back

Upon a life well lived

Is by choosing a path of self discovery

As did I ...

Not to be confused with

Your choosing to follow my path

But rather by enticing you

To quest toward a path

Where readiness inspires you

To consciously come to know

The sum of your traits in hopes that

Your brain will not fool you as mine did me …

And thus

While you consider

Whether to accept this mission or not—

I’ll leave you with this thought

Lingering in your think tank for today ...

No matter how many times opportunity

Knocks at your door

Begging you to think out of the box—

Imploring you to embrace

Unconventional thought—

Leading to a greater sense of connection

To whatever—

As you shall see, each choice you make

Will take you to where

You most want to go

Or right back into the maze

Where you just can’t shake clear

Of that same-old paper bag

And having said that—

I bid you happy trails

Until we meet again … :)

516 A BIT OF REVIEW BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL BEGINS ...

 INSIGHT INTO A YOUNG GIRL’S INNER STRIFE ...

Ah sweet mystery of life:

When to raise a shield

Or when to muster the courage

To confront subconscious fear?

That is the question. 

If that is the question

And if readiness is the answer

Then what is THE problem?

THE problem is this:

 As soon as a surge of confusion

Tussles with subconscious fear

A combustible state of negatively charged energy

Stands ready to explode common sense

And now, my friends, Annie and Joseph are about to show you what happens when two symbols of confusion clash against each other, like crashing cymbals—so here it comes—TRUE LOVE’S FIRST IMPASSIONED KISS …

While standing in the alley, staring down at Annie for several seconds, a blushing Joseph blurts out:  Annie—Billy is having a party (this will be their class's first boy and girl date party), and I want you to go with me.

 Needless to say, Annie can't believe her ears.  First of all, she's never been to a boy and girl party.  Secondly, there's no way this tall, handsome, popular Leader of the Pack would choose Miss P over doe-like Hillary or gorgeous Viv!

As enchantment knocks out logic, a nice boy with nerves jangling and a good girl, who’s swooning, are swept into love's magic spell where she can't connect with words to reply, and he fears hearing—no.

Finally, this spell, holding two minds hostage, is pierced by jagged words:  Annie-do-you-wanna go-with-me-or-not?


As Annie’s mind is stuck in a spell bound state of shock, Joseph's boyish hopes turn to ire.  Once defensiveness invades his mind, star struck eyes flash fire as he sputters sharply:  Oh—just forget it!


At this, Annie stirs just enough to blurt out:  Wait!  I wanna go!


With a huge surge of relief at not being rejected, Joseph lunges forward, and swooping Annie around the waist, he yanks this dizzied girl against the length of his body—then while this star crossed pair engage in their very first, impassioned bear hug, twelve year old Joseph plants True Love's First Kiss squarely on his brain dead sweetheart's lips.

I wish my next words were:  They went steady and lived happily ever after—THE END ... But that fantasy is not what reality had in mind.


Instead, impassioned reactions splash back and forth, because neither tussling preteen has a clue how to regain much less maintain emotional control.

As I'm sure you'd like to watch Annie's spontaneous reaction to Captain Hormone's impassioned lip lock, please tune in tomorrow to see why all hell is about to break loose ...  
Good Lord—if only the spirit of Socrates had been soaring overhead puppy love might have had a shot.  If not Socrates, at least fate might have offered up a therapist with knowledge of subconscious devils on the loose ...  but had that been true there would have been little reason for me to write this blog ...  :)

515 WAITING FOR READINESS TO HATCH ...

Hopefully, I'll soon resume posting stories in need of hatching
Though I fear you may give up on waiting for my return
Readiness has yet to ripen for reasons, which remain unknown
With respect for the fact that readiness cannot be hurried
I remain your friend, whose mind is still resting in quiet repose ...
Annie

513. PS AUTHENTICITY ...

PS
Ofttimes, we see what we want
Or we hear what we fear
However we all too rarely see or hear
Sincerity working to make itself clear
Why is that true?
 Insecurity sweeps meaningful connection into a cage and throws away the key
Hopefully, I've unmasked so many hot spots of insecurity
That self trust, born of authenticity
Will strengthen each story with insight into my integrity.
Your weary friend,
Annie
:-? small quizzical smile

512. INSIGHT INTO MY CURRENT GROWTH SPURT

It's been nearly a year since the story-telling side of my brain felt free to speak. When the storyteller inside me chokes, my brain is diverting my thought processor to focus on personal growth.  This morning, insight hit, and I struck gold: I've been moving through a growth spurt. A lengthy growth spurt.  Actually, a humongous growth spurt. And as I don't want future growth spurts to grow so lengthy,  I've needed to see each step of it play out before my eyes.

As I'm pretty tired of thinking and am growting more practiced at taking good care of myself, common sense suggests taking a short break from blogging for this reason: Hopefully, while resting my conscious mind, my subconscious will work at reorganizing files inside my head. And perhaps, as a result of simplifying my filing system, my ability to retrieve and post stories will improve.

Please remember, this is my plan. However, plans change. So just as with climate, love and life, there are no guarantees.  With positive focus in mind, let's see what pops up on our screens when instinct suggests readiness for my return.

Until I see you next, thank you, my dear friends, for riding sidekick through the stormy side of my mind.  As it's not healthy to paddle around in the dark all alone, it's possible that I'd not have made it through this lengthy growth spurt without your presence, patience and support. Please check back from time to time, because I plan to reconnect and post more stories, very soon.
Annie

511 SORRY ABOUT POST 510

Post 510 was supposed to remain a draft. For some reason, I can not get blogger to separate that train of thought into lines. As I've not had time to post, lately, I'd no clue that post 510 had been published in its complex state. If you tried to make your way through it, my hat is off to you. :) Today, I removed it from published posts. When I have more time, I'll try to get blogger to cooperate. Thanks for your patience, Annie