628. A SIGN OF MUTUAL RESPECT ... :)

BTW ... In case you wonder how my adult sons might feel when toilet training stories are revealed, drafts of certain posts are emailed to and ok'd by each one before popping up on your screen.

As I really wanted to post this scenario as written, I held my breathe till ...
The younger wrote back ... You have my blessing
The older said ... Great story ... Go for it!

I've been spending precious time with my 99 year old mom, so less time has been spent writing, this week.  Glad to say, Mom's doing well. :)

627 IN RECONSIDERATION OF ... A JIFFY :)

As a unit of measurement, a Jiffy is an infinitesimally brief period of time.
For some reason, this unit of measurement made my curiosity itch
So feeling the need to scratch beneath the surface,  I looked jiffy up in Wikipedia
And guess what I found?
I found counless opinions, concerning differing lengths of time
And since more of my life has been lived
Than whatever time I've left to enjoy
I asked myself if this quest
Concerning the exact meaning of jiffy
Was worth expending more time and energy on or not
And here's what I decided ... In a jiffy ...
par nature of this quest est fini
All I need to understand about jiffy is this:
Jiffy is synonymous with really fast
As in:
I need a positively focused change in attitude really fast!
I need to muzzle my temper really fast!
I need the spirit of cooperation to permeate my mind really fast!
I need a simple plan that solves countless problems really fast!
I need to see what others see in me that I can't see ... really fast!

Hey!  I know what I need ...
I need five solution seeking tools at my command at all times!

I need:
The three minute miracle
The line of control
The cooperation game
The three step sanity saving problem solving plan
The faces we wear

Now, where in the world can peeps of all ages and both genders
Get a handy dandy set of tools that offers each person in a family a jiffy lube
Which is sure to oil up irritating layers of frustration
Until every mind in the house
Feels as fresh and clean and pliably permeable as a new born babe's???
Oh!  For goodness sake!
All a person needs to do is to reorganize the wealth of life's lessons
Which every one of us carries inside our noggins and
If we just write those lessons down in some semblance of order
Uh ... Hold the phone ... What's that I hear you say? ...
You're much too busy to find time
To tackle a project such as that?
Well, guess what, my friend ... this is your lucky day ...
Because tackling that project has been my life's work for years
So if you find this plan appealing and would like to partner up ...
Here's what I have in mind ...
I'll continue to reorganize and record that wealth of lessons and
All you need do
Is to tune into my blog and decide, as with all things that demand your time ...
Which life or love lessons seem most in need of review ...
And by the way ... If you'd shoot me a comment from time to time
That sure would make my day while
I continue to work away at making headway
At a quest as huge as this one proves to be :)

626 ANNIE BECOMES A MOM OF TWO Chapter 5: A TOILET TRAINING TALE :)

So rather than returning to the park bench, right now ... let's back up a bit, so I can show you the straw that broke the camel's back, turning my smile into that frown, which inspired my neighbor to ask what was wrong:  Here I am at home with my precious little peeps, determined that the independent spirit of a two and a half year old tyke will be out of diapers by the end of the day.  After all, I'd followed the pediatrician's advice to hold off on toilet training until baby brother was six months of age.  And now that the calendar states that as a fact, I'm aiming to follow a friend's suggestion, which plays out in our house something like this ...

My first born, who couldn't care less about modesty, is running around our apartment naked as a jay bird, happy as a colt cantering free in the breeze.  Numero uno (a pro at aiming number one into the porcelain bowl) and I have agreed that he'll let me know when he feels like ... number two.  In the mean time, I'm bathing his chief rival for my attention—a cherub indeed, because no conflicts have arisen between this babe and me, as of yet ...

At some point while I'm laughing at number two splashing away in the tub, number one runs into the bath room, grabs a towel and glancing furtively at me, dashes right back out.  Sensing something's up, I scoop number two out of the tub, towel him off in a jiffy, set him down safely on the rug in the nursery and concentrating solely on trailing number one, find him kneeling, bending forward in the living room, rubbing away, suspiciously, at a large, brown spot on what had been carmel colored carpet.

OMG, I think ... That was not part of the plan! On the other hand, if his plan went kaphooy, grab hold of yourself, Annie ... it's not a two year old or my friend, who's at fault.  Common sense suggests that what works for one is not necessarily successful across the broad spectrum of human minds ... so swallow your frustration; soothe fear from your sweet child's eyes and help this little peep wipe today's unsuccessful experiment out of his innocent, little mind.

Though a meeting of two minds had not occurred that day, my child had grabbed the towel and ground the tell tale spot into the carpet in hopes that Mom's smile would not turn upside down, suggesting that this tyke aimed to please.  And if attitude is everything then mother and child were actually half way home.

Ahhh!  I thought, positive focus reduces frustration, making me feel better, already!

At that point, I remembered having left a six month old to fend for himself on the nursery rug, so after flashing a smile at number one, the camel spun around and made her way toward number two, who being naked, had deposited exactly that on the rug at the other end of the apartment.  And being a curious babe, he was busy ... finger painting ...

In retrospect, futility must have grabbed control of my mind, because feeling up to my ears in you-know-what caused my best intentions to burst into tears—not because enough was enough, but because this teacher of other people's children had no clue what to do when faced with conflicts that arose with her own!  I mean, where was the principal's office when I felt like marching MY children there—at home???

Though this is only one example (others to come with solutions to follow) of problem solving gone south, I'll bet you can see why frustration poured out of my mouth when my neighbor, spying my frown, had asked, ever so unsuspectingly, what might be wrong.

If ever it was time to open up and admit to confusion, it was now!
If ever it was time to seek help with formulating a problem-solving plan in a jiffy, it was now!
If ever it was time to accept that adults can not forcibly control free little spirits, it was now!
If ever it was time to open my ears to the availability of astute guidance, it was now!
If ever it was time to open my mind and absorb something truly insightful, it was now!
If asked what I learned by opening my mouth, ears and mind at the park, it was this:
Others who'd walked a path similar to mine had done more than brain storm viable solutions ...
Some had actually written a wide range of success stories, which were available for the asking!
And as I'd had the humility to open up and reach out for help ...
I'm glad to say that before too long ...
My frustrated frown had reason to spin into a great big, revitalized grin!!
And if you'd like to know how grim spun itself into this high spirited grin ...
Which tends to beam out of my core much more often than not— then
I sincerely hope you'll choose to stayed tuned into my blog :)
BTW—little known fact:  A jiffy is actually defined as 1/100th of a second :)

625 ANNIE BECOMES A MOM OF TWO Chapter 4

Creating an atmosphere of positive discipline requires an attitude in which kindness replaces punishments.  Hard as it may be to believe, throughout the years of their childhood, my kids were only grounded once, ever, and I didn't do the grounding.  Actually, after a sibling spat, they grounded each other.  Funny story for some time later ...

Perhaps you've surmised that in order to discipline my kids with kindness ... patience and good humor were injected into consequences that made sense.  As that combination was not easy to pull off during moments fraught with frustration, someone had to come up with ways to train my wild thing to calm down in hopes of responding to my kids' misbehaviors in a manner that I'd want them to mimic.  Oh wait ... now that I stop to think about it, that's exactly how I'd responded to 'my' kids (my students) in school—with kindness, patience and good humor.  Once I wrapped my processor around this new mind set, my attitude changed and taming my wild thing in hopes of disciplining myself proved less improbable as I'd have thought. :)

In addition to engaging in an open conversation with a neighbor's good sense, I was double blessed in this way.  I had a father, whose adventurous spirit and larger than life personality inspired his daughter to emulate his curiosity as well as his lust for life.  As such, I inspired myself to tackle every project that appealed to me enthusiastically.

At times when my thought processor is engaged in shifting an attitude (closed mind set), it's natural for confusion to grab hold of my brain.  As confusion feels foggy with no clue as to which direction to go, it's common for frustration to yell, right out loud.  Though many denBethe reality of harboring two sides—a logical side, and the side where the wild thing hides out ... It's a fact that after this wild thing leaps out and slips back in, we hope that others will forget its sneak attacks.  To this day, when confusion causes my defense system to send out silent signals of alarm, I seek a quiet place in which to calm my wild thing down in hopes of targeting my processor to think deep.  Parenting texts have a name for this quiet place—it's called—time out.  And thus, rather than being a place where adult or child feels guilty or punished, time out is a place to contemplate attitudes in need of change when social interaction produces stress instead of peaceful pleasures.

I think it's important that you have a sense of my frame of mind and that of my family before I color in the reasons why my strike worked wonders in terms of cooperative teamwork stepping up to the plate and hitting a grand slam... so please climb into my time machine and buckle your seat belt, because as soon as I throw this baby into reverse, we'll zoom back to that park bench in 1971 ... and if the next post published deviates from that plan, well, that's the beauty of writing a blog, where at the drop of a hat, my train of thought can choose to switch tracks ... Clickety clack :)

624 PEEPS VS. MACHINES—RED BULLET

Know the difference between machines and peeps (big and small)?

Machines come with manuals

Peeps of all sizes come with strong, independent wills

Though manuals may be accurately read

Peeps are naturally a surprise from birth until each one's very last breath

Got a new car ... one of the smaller suv's

A scarlet, sleek, not-so-little show stopper

Chose an suv in hopes of riding high and safe ...

Far too many trucks cruising city streets and interstate and ... Years ago

After collision with drunk truck driver—guess who awoke in intensive care ...

Naming this scarlet not-so-little show stopper ...

Red Bullet

Or

Big Red II ...

Time will tell

Big Red was a huge Buick Estate Station Wagon
First new car, chosen on my own ...

I drove her home in spring of 1974 when pregling with #3

Huge as an ocean liner she was—nine full sized seats all facing front

A shiny ruby, coveted by every carpooling mom in the neighborhood :)

My very first car?  A ten year old sad sack, dented and blue ...
Bought in '71, six months after number two made his debut :)

This square old unreliable ride brings to mind a funny story and a half ...

As to how I'd had to pump the gas to get the engine to start ... most of the time ...

And then there was its run in with the fuzz and finally its timely demise :)

Red Bullet/Big Red II has every bell, whistle, safety feature known to mankind

Ebony, cool gray, chrome interior

20 inch eye catching chrome wheels ...

Not a meek little ride

Sleek as a speed boat, for sure!

When I pick up my new ride and flood it's air waves with easy listening

Its sound system will most certainly cry out indignantly ...

Hey!  What the heck!!!  Where's the rock???

At this the little old lady from Pasadena, wearing a self-empowered smile

Will turn down the volume; ride the brakes, and take charge with ...

Hey!  For Pete sake!  Pipe down!

You're a machine, not a peep ... So ...

Button your lip and listen up—right now!

You answer to me!

I own you!

Once my machine gets the message ...

We'll get along just fine ...

On the other hand, if my machine was a peep

With a mind of its own—I'd be up sh--'s creek

Get my drift?

Nuff said for now ... more later ;)

623 SAUDIA ARABIA AND REUNION ... 75 NATIONS AND COUNTING! :)

Let's bid welcome to Reunion and Saudi Arabia ... 75 nations and counting!  :)

622 ANNIE BECOMES MOM OF TWO Chapter 3

So, it's a hot, sunny day at the park, and I'm sitting on the bench, wondering how to solve a problem that I don't understand.  I don't realize that understanding the problem is tantamount to seeking a viable solution.

This being a neighborhood park finds me sitting next to a neighbor whom I hardly know.  Even so, confusion has risen so high that it doesn't take much for my mouth to open wide enough for waves of frustration to pour out.  All I need to hear is ...

"Annie, whenever I see you, you're cheerful, smiling, kidding around.  Today, you're so quiet, and you look unhappy.  What's wrong?"

That's all it took.  Place the right key in the lock, watch an army of suppressed frustration march out of the fortress as fast as the draw bridge descends ...

"I'm a teacher, who loved other people's children so much, I couldn't wait to have my own.  I was the happiest pregnant woman this world has ever known. I'd sit on the floor and insist that my husband's enthusiasm match my sense of joy while watching our child's gymnastics roll around in my womb.  With each pregnancy, love for my unborn babe bloomed in direct proportion to the extent that my abdomen stretched outward bound.  I'd picture our happy little family swinging on swings, splashing in warm bubble baths, snuggling up, reading picture books in the wicker rocker, baking chocolate chip cookies, and though we actually enjoyed all of that, a lot … I never expected to feel so frustrated so much of the time …"

Deep sigh ...

(It's not as if I knew myself to be the mother of the decade, carrying the child of the century inside me ... I'd simply sensed that would be true.  I mean, with so much love to give, how could I go wrong?)

"Wow, Annie.  You sound really disillusioned to me."

And just like that, another pipe dream popped, because my neighbor's simple perception had hit the nail on the head, piercing my wall of denial as quick as a pin pops a balloon.  It's not that I loved my kids more in the womb; it's just that no one in the know had told me to expect that the real labor of love begins after birth.

Truthfully I loved my children so much that I wanted them to be raised by the best mom I could be.  And in my mind's eye, the best of moms had some clue as to how to get their kids dressed and fed without wanting to yell "Hold still, RIGHT now!  Open up, chew and swallow!  I couldn't wait to see you stand up and hear you talk!  Now, I'm begging you not to stamp your feet, to say okay instead of "NO!", to lie still while I'm dressing you, and to sit still when I'm feeding you!!!!!  Oy vey!!!  Someone help me save my sanity … pleeease!

One day, while my dad was watching his grown daughter cajoling (fighting a losing battle with) an independent two year old, Grandpa had the 'nerve' (good sense?) to say, "Annie, I think you're afraid of him.  If you can't control a two year old, what will you do when he's sixteen?"  Double Oy Gevalt!

So here I am, sitting on that bench in the park, mind spinning, shoulders slumping, smile flagging, spirit sagging, tongue wagging, revealing my frustration to an almost stranger ... "I'd no clue that as an expectant mom, my expectations of motherhood had soared over the moon."

As much as I loved my boys, aged more than two and less than one, I felt utterly perplexed as to how to get my teeth to stop gnashing, every morning, before my little energizers were changed, dressed and fed.

You see—just as when I'd changed schools at the age of ten and expected to be ring master with a new group of fifth graders —it was the 'kiddles', not me, who were running the show, and that did not portend well for our future because, as Dad had so piercingly pointed out, I was supposed to be the adult in charge and my little guys were supposed to cheerfully follow my lead ... right?

Ha!  Fat chance of any adult being in charge of a two year old mind!

Mind you, this was many years ago ... Doctor Spock was our parenting authority, meaning that the teachings of Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs' logical consequences had barely begun to be whispered, here or there.  Thank goodness, I was inclined to open my mind as well as my ear ... because ... solving problems with tykes by way of logic is not what had transpired in our apartment, as of yet.  Actually if asked what enabled me to sleep soundly, most nights, I'd respond ... shear exhaustion.

If you're a parent with a memory, I need offer no examples of this battle of wills that proves classic, universal and timeless between parents and offspring.  However in case you're contemplating kids and I'm scaring you off from what proved to be one of the most enriching experiences of my life, let me entertain you with what took place when #l turned two-and-a-half and a mom with two babes in cloth diapers was ready for her first born to pull up big boy pants, meaning that I had determined that he would choose to use the potty and leave babyhood to his chief rival—that being an adorable, cooing, six month old little charmer, whose innocent smile, could do no wrong—unless the two year old expressed another point of view: 

When number two made his debut, it's likely that number one said to himself, "Huh!  Will you take a look at that little kid … whoever he is … he's having far too much fun with MY mom!  I sure hope he's not planning to stick around, stealing my sun for too long!  Hey!  Go find your own lap!  That one's mine!"